Fireworks go off above a makeshift outdoor arena set-up in the heart of Hell, Michigan. A triangle of rings take center stage before a capacity crowd.
Cameras pan the crowd and show a FEW of the many signs proudly held up in the crowd. One sign reads “Welcome Back, Jack!” On the contrary, another sign reads, “This Beer’s For You, Jack!” Yet another sign reads, “FREEK OUT!”
Cameras zoom in on one of THREE broadcast teams set up at ringside. The first broadcast team is that of Jerry Lawson and “Slick” Rick Jones.
Jerry Lawson: “Welcome to Hell, Michigan! Welcome to the site of Three Rings of Hell! Welcome to The Michigan Massacre FEW For Free! I’m Jerry Lawson alongside “Slick” Rick Jones!”
The camera cuts to a shot of a second broadcast team made up of Thomas Strona and Mark Green.
Mark Green: “I’m Mark Green proudly sitting alongside the one and only Thomas Strona!”
Thomas Strona: “Down boy.”
The camera cuts to a shot of the third broadcast team made up of Jim “The Mouth” McCoy and Big Rob Tucker – on crutches.
Big Rob Tucker: “I’m Big Rob Tucker and FEW Fans, it is my pleasure to introduce you all to the newest member of our broadcast team - a man that fans of the old MWF certainly know – Jim “The Mouth” McCoy!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “They know who I am, simpleton. What they don’t know is what happened to you, Camel Crutch?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Watch it McCoy, or I’ll make your FEW Career a short one.”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, yeah. So what happened?”
Big Rob Tucker: “I sprained my ankle.”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Sprained your ankle?!? C’mon – give me something better than that! Tell me your tore your ACL or something. A sprained ankle?!? What next – a hang nail?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “I’m warning you, McCoy!”
Suddenly, "Jump Around" by House of Pain is cued up throughout the arena, sending the crowd into a cheering frenzy.
Big Rob Tucker: “Here comes ‘Luke Warm’ John White!”
“Luke Warm” enters with the house lights dimmed, and a single red spot shining down on the entranceway. His video package is a montage of the winning moments of his career defining matches, showing his opponents tapping out or leaving on stretchers, intermixed with footage of car crashes, train wrecks, and bombsight footage. Wearing a black trench coat with matching black tights and black boots, he slides into the ring under the bottom rope, clutching onto a kendo stick with a devilish smirk.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “He certainly looks like he has bad intentions in mind, as if he knows exactly what he plans on doing with that kendo stick of his!”
Big Rob Tucker: “That kendo stick has Jack Davis’ name written all over it and rightfully so! Davis has not only interfered in ‘Luke Warm’s matches, has not only smashed bottles of Rolling Rock beer over his head, but has even gone so far as to try and run over ‘Luke Warm’ with a car! It were those kinds of actions that cost Jack his Presidency, but Jack has been offered his job back, so long as he apologizes to ‘Luke Warm’ John White! Easier said than done, but it must be apology time!”
“Luke Warm” John White gestures outside the ring for Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab to hand him her house mic, which she promptly does.
“Luke Warm” John White: “So, I understand that Jack Davis will get to abuse his power once more, so long as he gives me an apology.”
The fans jeer at the mere mention of Jack’s name.
“Luke Warm” John White: “The thing about this whole thing is that I’m not really in the mood for apologies…”
”Luke Warm” pauses and looks fondly at the kendo stick in his grasp, much to the approval of the capacity crowd.
“Luke Warm” John White: “None the less, I’m a pretty rational guy. So Davis, I’m willing to listen to what you’ve got to say…but if I don’t think you’re that sorry…you will be!”
Again, the crowd cheers on the kendo stick clutching “Luke Warm” John White.
“Luke Warm” John White: “Come on now, Davis! I haven’t got all day! I have a Three Rings of Hell match still to win tonight!”
The crowd cheers.
“Luke Warm” John White: “(As he hands the mic back to Gretchen Schwab outside the ring) Here – introduce him and get his ass out here!”
Gretchen Schwab: “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jack Davis!”
The crowd boos, as all eyes turn to the entrance ramp but a silenced buzz comes over the crowd, when nobody comes out.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “What – is Davis chicken?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Most likely, although he does have a reputation for running late.”
FEW’s Interim President, the Head of the FEW’s Board of Directors, Brent Bell finally makes his way from the back.
Big Rob Tucker: “That’s not Davis! That’s the FEW’s Interim President Brent Bell! Where’s Davis?”
All eyes watch Bell make his way down to ringside, ask for the mic from Gretchen Schwab and step into the ring with an impatient “Luke Warm” John White.
“Luke Warm” John White: “Don’t tell me he’s not coming!”
Brent Bell: “Oh, no. He’s coming. He’s just running a FEW minutes late. That’s all.”
Big Rob Tucker: "See – he IS running late! What did I tell you?!”
Brent Bell: “He’ll be here soon though! I assure you.”
“Luke Warm” John White: “He BETTER be or it’ll be YOU who will be SORRY! In the meantime, I think I’ll just have a seat here at ringside.”
“Luke Warm” slides under the ropes and out of the ring, throwing the timekeeper out of his chair and taking his seat alongside the timekeeper’s bell.
Brent Bell: “(To Gretchen Schwab) Just get to the first match. That should give him enough time to get here.”
Gretchen Schwab nods and as Brent Bell hands her the mic, he looks to “Luke Warm”.
“Luke Warm” John White: “What?”
Brent Bell: “Ring the bell.”
“Luke Warm” John White takes an unopened bottle of Rolling Rock out of the hand of a ringside fan and rings the bell with it, before twisting off the top and taking a drink.
Gretchen Schwab: “The following FEW For Free Match is a special Women’s Bout and is scheduled for one fall!”
The eerie howling of wolves is heard, as the lights in the arena go out and come back up with a dim red light, as “Cult of Personality” by Living Color is heard.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing first, representing The Original Cult Of Personality and being accompanied to the ring by The Reverend Walker, she weighs in at 210 pounds and hails from The Scarlet Church….SISTER SIN!”
The Reverend Walker leads the way to the ring, with his loaded bible in tow and with Sister Sin following a FEW steps behind him, wearing her iron cross around her neck.
Big Rob Tucker: “That’s a sick man in The Reverend. He had ‘The Naughty Nun’ there and ‘The Master of the New Millenium’ Static Rule exhume the buried bodies of Austin Walker’s best friend and the body of Austin's late son, Havva Walker, only for The Reverend to lead FREEK to the site of their NEW graves, just to join his son, Austin Walker, in double-crossing FREEK and costing The Monster his FEW Unified World Title!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “So what makes that any of Drinka’s business?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Her friendship to Jade Walker. Austin colluded with The Reverend without any concern for how all this would affect his estranged wife, Jade, who Austin had already given such esteem issues to. It was because of that low self esteem that she developed an eating disorder and ended up hospitalized because of it.”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Again, I ask – where does Drinka figure into any of this?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, disgracing the memory of Jade’s late son, Havva Walker, was the last straw for Jade’s friend, Drinka Kegonite. At the next show, she bravely confronted Austin and the entire O.C.O.P. during Austin’s World Title Celebration!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “You call it bravely, I call it stupid. Let’s just say that it’s not her brains that make her such a wildly popular adult film star!”
With Sister Sin and The Reverend having made their way to the ring, the house lights return to normal and the O.C.O.P. music fades out in place of “Hit ‘Em Up” by 2Pac.
Big Rob Tucker: “Wait a second! That’s Jade Walker’s music!”
Gretchen Schwab: “…And her opponent…first, weighing in at 135 pounds and hailing from Berlin, Germany…Drinka “The German Bombshell” Kegonite…and accompanying her to the ring, please welcome back Jade Walker!”
A healthy looking Jade emerges from the back in her usual black boots, black shades and purple spandex singlet. The Dark Diva, herself, then takes off her shades and hangs them on her singlet at her cleavage, waves to the crowd with a smile and then gestures to the entrance ramp behind her, where Drinka emerges to a rousing ovation, before heading to the ring with Jade at her side.
Big Rob Tucker: “Jade looks great and better than ever!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “…And what – Drinka looks like Hell? Er…wait…maybe that’s not the best expression to be using in this town.”
Big Rob Tucker: “Maybe not. One thing’s for sure, though, as Drinka makes her way into the ring, it’s time for our first match, here, tonight, so it must be time to KEEP ON WRESTLING!”
As he did earlier, “Luke Warm” rings the bell with his bottle of Rolling Rock – now empty.
Drinka “The German Bombshell” Kegonite,
With Jade Walker in her corner
Vs.
“The Naughty Nun” Sister Sin of The Original Cult Of Personality,
With The Reverend in her corner
Big Rob Tucker: “As the bell sounds, it’s Drinka – calling for the official to see to it that Sister Sin removes the iron cross around her neck before starting the bout, which she reluctantly does, setting it down in the corner.”
Sister Sin stares a hole through the ringside attendant who takes her iron cross down and sets it down at the timekeeper’s table, before turning her attention back to Drinka.
Big Rob Tucker: “As the two square off, it’s Sister Sin with the obvious size advantage, taking control with a quick and punishing forearm to Drinka’s back, dropping ‘The German Bombshell’ to her knees.”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Word has it she’s quite used to that position.”
Big Rob Tucker: “One forearm after another, it’s Sin showing no remorse, now yanking Drinka up by her hair, much to the chagrin of the official. As Sin takes objection to the warning and gets in the face of the official, it’s Drinka with a low blow to the groin!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Oh, come on! That’s grounds for an automatic disqualification!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Not if the official doesn’t see it, it’s not! Besides, had Sister Sin not been so busy objecting to her illegal hairpulling, it wouldn’t have happened to her in the first place!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “The official may not have seen it, but The Reverend sure did! Listen to him objecting on the outside and rightfully so, if you ask me!”
Big Rob Tucker: “None the less, with Sister Sin doubled over in pain, it’s Drinka getting back to her feet and firing away at ‘The Naughty Nun’ with fists of fury. Pummeling away at Sister Sin with lefts and rights, it’s Drinka Kegonite. Don’t forget, McCoy, that this matter has become all too personal for Drinka!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “It didn’t have to be that way. Just as Jade is here in a match that doesn’t involve her, DRINKA stuck HER nose into a situation that didn’t involve HER either! No wonder they’re such good friends!”
Big Rob Tucker: “With Sister Sin in a bit of a daze, it’s Drinka with the Irish Whip-NO! Reversal! Into the ropes goes Drinka instead! Drinka on the return DUCKS a clothesline by Sister Sin! Sin turns around and stops a savate kick by Drinka only for Drinka to score with a BIG enziguri! Drinka’s on fire and this crowd is loving it!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I can’t help but think of how Drinka started this situation by calling the O.C.O.P. out on a lack of virtues only to take the upper hand by shamelessly showing a lack of virtues herself with that low blow earlier!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Regardless of who started what with whom, it appears that Drinka’s well on her way to finishing it, as she scales the turnbuckles and makes her way up to the top turnbuckle!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Not if The Reverend can help it!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Indeed, it’s The Reverend up on the ring apron grabbing Drinka by the leg and despite doing her best, Drinka just can’t seem to shake him!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Oh no! Reverend! Look out!”
Big Rob Tucker: “It’s JADE – YANKING The Reverend off the apron, sending him crashing into the steel guardrail in the process!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but the distraction bought Sister Sin some time and look at her scale the turnbuckles in relative quickness herself! Not bad for a woman of her size! Hammering Drinka in the midsection from the middle turnbuckle, it’s Sister Sin following up with a crushing powerslam of Drinka off the top onto the mat. Sister Sin with the cover and this one’s elementary…”
ONE!
TWO!
Big Rob Tucker: “NO! Drinka kicked out!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “The Reverend would be beside himself over the fact that Drinka kicked out, if he wasn’t so busy being kicked AT by Jade Walker! What’s her problem with him anyway?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “You’re unbelievable!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “That wouldn’t be the FIRST time I’ve been told that!”
Big Rob Tucker: “As Sister Sin stomps a mudhole in the fallen Drinka, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just a matter of time now until this one’s over!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I can’t help but wonder if The Reverend’s all right or if Jade Walker even remembers or cares about the match going on INSIDE the ring! Look at her kicking away at him without mercy!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Meanwhile, INSIDE the ring, it’s Sister Sin pulling Drinka Kegonite up only to nail her with her running powerbomb finisher she calls The Sanctuary! Again, it’s Sister Sin with the cover…”
“ONE!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Jade just realized what’s going on inside the ring!”
“TWO!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but she can’t get there in time!”
“THREE!”
Much to Jade’s chagrin, the official calls for the bell.
Gretchen Schwab: Here is your winner of the match: ‘The Naughty Nun’ Sister Sin!”
The eerie howling of wolves preceding the re-cuing up of “Cult Of Personality” only partly drowns out the jeering crowd, only for Jade to take matters into her own hands, causing the music to come to an abrupt halt.
Big Rob Tucker: “It’s Jade, spinning Sister Sin around and grabbing her by the neck!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Who does she think she is?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “It’s Jade Walker with a PRIMETIME ChokeBomb on Sister Sin! Shades of the DA PRIMETIME GAL, as she used to be called!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “That’s an outrage!”
As a beaten and battered Reverend pulls Sister Sin from the ring to the outside with him for refuge, “Hit ‘Em Up” by 2Pac is re-cued throughout the arena of cheering fans.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “As Jade helps Drinka to her feet, raising her hand victorious, the winner’s share of the purse will be going to Sister Sin. Just remember that.”
Big Rob Tucker: “With Jade and Drinka exiting the ring and slapping the hands of a FEW ringside fans, it looks as if ‘Luke Warm” John White has seen enough!”
“Luke Warm” John White yanks the mic away from Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab and makes his way up the ring steps and into the ring.
“Luke Warm” John White: “Cut the damn music!”
Jade’s music is immediately cut as Jade and Drinka make their way to the back.
“Luke Warm” John White: “I mean, I know Davis is always late, but even when a chick’s late, it doesn’t take the whole nine months to get word of what’s going on! He’s got to be here by now and I’m quite frankly, I’m in the mood for an apology.”
“Luke Warm” smirks, as he looks at kendo stick in his hands.
Big Rob Tucker: “Anybody else smell a hint of sarcasm?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I smell an ass-kicking if Davis is even HERE, let alone dumb enough to step into the ring with ‘Luke Warm’ in the mood that he’s in!”
Suddenly, the winded though familiar voice of Jack Davis is heard, as he comes darting to the ring with a house mic in hand.
Jack Davis: “(Rushing down the aisle, towards ringside) Sorry, I’m late.”
“Luke Warm” John White: “No, you’re not, but you will be if you don’t make the apology we’re both out here for!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Wow. I can’t believe Davis is actually here.”
Big Rob Tucker: “I’m not. He’s a sucker for the spotlight and doesn’t know what’s good for him!”
Jack Davis: “(Cautiously climbing into the ring) Now just put that kendo stick down, so we can talk like men. Man to Man.”
”Luke Warm” John White: “Wait, is there somebody ELSE coming, because you can’t possibly be talking about YOURSELF!?”
Jack Davis: “Just do it, ‘Luke Warm’ or I’m not stepping into that ring.”
“Luke Warm” John White: “Oh, I think you would, but I’ll play along – not because you’re telling me to, but because I have better things to do than exchange pleasantries with you, when I have a Three Rings of Hell three ring battle royal to prepare for!”
The crowd cheers as “Luke Warm” holds up his kendo stick towards up in the air and then tosses it to the outside.
Jack Davis sheepishly makes his way towards “Luke Warm” John White, only for White to make Davis flinch back a FEW steps, faking a charge towards him, much to the applause of the capacity crowd.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Look at Davis flinch!”
Big Rob Tucker: “I love it!”
Jack Davis: “Very funny.”
“Luke Warm” John White: “Who’s laughing? I ain’t laughing. That’s for DAMN sure!”
Jack Davis: “I’m not laughing either, but you can rest assured that I’ll get the last laugh if you don’t watch yourself.”
“Luke Warm” John White: “(Getting in Jack’s face as his smirk quickly disappears from his face) Wait! Are you threatening me?!?”
Jack Davis: “ No, no, no! I wasn’t threatening anybody!”
“Luke Warm” John White: “You sure? Because it sure sounded like you were threatening me!”
”Luke Warm” gets out of Jack’s face long enough to slip back to the outside to retrieve his kendo stick.
Jack Davis: “Wait a second! What are you doing?”
”Luke Warm” John White: “(With a house mic in one hand and a kendo stick in the other) Take one step and I promise you the beat down of your life!”
Jack Davis: “(Remaining still as “Luke Warm” makes his way back into the ring and into his face) I swear to God, ‘Luke Warm’ if you so much as lay a finger on me, let alone a kendo stick on me, the first act I’ll make as I the returning President to indefinitely suspend if not FIRE your ass altogether! So you better think about what you want to do!”
”Luke Warm” John White takes a look at Davis and then at his kendo stick and then to the fans and then to his kendo stick, before throwing the kendo stick back to the outside, much to their dismay.
Jack Davis: “(Looking to “Luke Warm” and then to the crowd) That’s what I thought!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Wait – it’s ‘Luke Warm’ taking a bottle of Rolling Rock out of his trench coat and SHATTERING over Davis’ head, knocking Davis to the mat and out for the count!”
Jim “The Mouth”: McCoy: “Davis made a big mistake by turning his back on somebody like ‘Luke Warm’!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, but I can’t help but wonder, if ‘Luke Warm’ made the bigger mistake, here! You heard Davis! Lay one hand on him and that would be it for ‘Luke Warm’!”
”Luke Warm” John White: “(To the fallen Davis, with the crowd’s assistance) That beer’s for you!”
”Jump Around” by House of Pain is re-cued throughout the arena as Jerry Lawson chimes back into the broadcast.
Jerry Lawson: “Well, folks, that’ll do it for the FEW For Free! We hope you join us on Pay Per FEW for Michigan Massacre, kicking off where The Thirteen Days of Hell left off, as it'll be ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen versus Will Fair in the Finals of The King of the Death Match Tournament for a shot at ‘Archaic’ Roman Kennedy and his Hardcore Title! For “Slick’ Rick Jones- wait a second! I understand there’s some commotion going on in the back!”
The scene cuts to a shot of Brent Bell feverishly walking through the outdoor venue with Hell’s Finest and a full fleet of security in tow.
Brent Bell: “WHO’S here?!? ARE YOU SURE?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “Folks, I’m afraid we’re out of time!”
“Slick’ Rick Jones: “Wait – WHO’S HERE!??”
The scene fades to black with more questions than answers.
The Pay Per FEW opens with the now infamous footage of The Reverend telling Austin Walker that he is Austin’s father.
The voice of Austin Walker puts the story into words:
“Two roads diverged in a wood”
The footage plays of Austin Walker holding the evidence to The Reverend’s claim in his hand, in the form of a towel, drenched in The Reverend’s blood. Austin is shown looking at The Reverend, looking at the crowd and then looking back down at the blood-soaked towel.
”And I took the one less traveled by”
The double-cross seen round the world is played, as footage of Austin Walker and The Reverend doing the unthinkable and double-crossing FREEK in the impromptu Graveyard World Title Match plays, showing Austin Walker leaving as The NEW FEW Unified World Champion, as the two leave FREEK for dead.
“And that has made all the difference”
A montage of FREEK’s vengeful return to action plays beginning with FREEK FREEKbombing Kage into a steel concrete floor. The footage shows a seemingly-lifeless Kage coughing up blood and then later being taken away into a waiting ambulance. The montage moves onto an ecstatic Pablo Sanchez, Jr. jumping into the arms of FREEK, disguised at the time as Pablo Sanchez, Sr., only for FREEK to crush Pablo with a belly to belly suplex before unmasking himself as FREEK. The montage ends with a shot of FREEK pointing a stern finger of warning at Austin, as Austin leaves ringside with FREEK’s old manager, in The Reverend and perhaps more importantly, leaving with The FEW Unified World Title, which once belonged to FREEK as well.
The echoes of innocent-sounding children are heard reciting:
"If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take...."
A final shot of the monster FREEK actually smirking, as if reveling in the thought of taking Austin’s soul straight to hell, instead, is shown, ending with FREEK letting out his famous war cry:
”FREEK OUT!”
Again, fireworks go off above the makeshift outdoor arena set-up in the heart of Hell, Michigan. A triangle of rings take center stage before a capacity crowd as “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC is heard blaring throughout the arena.
Cameras pan the crowd and show a FEW of the many signs proudly held up in the crowd. One sign reads “My Heart Burns for The Ring Master!” Another sign reads, “Drinka 4:69" and yet another sign simply reads “Welcome to HELL!”
Having just heard from the broadcast team of Big Rob Tucker and Jim “The Mouth” Mc Coy during the FEW For Free, cameras, this time, zoom in another one of THREE broadcast teams set up at ringside – the team of Mark Green and Thomas Strona.
Mark Green: “Welcome everybody to the FEW’s Halloween Tradition, Michigan Massacre! Coming to you live from Hell, Michigan, I’m Mark Green alongside MY broadcast partner, Thomas Strona and for those of you who weren’t with us during The FEW For Free and are just joining us, we’re just one of three broadcast teams that will be bringing you Michigan Massacre, in particular, The Three Rings of Hell three ring battle royal!”
Thomas Strona: “If they’re JUST joining us, Green, there’s a much bigger story to touch on than the fact that there’s three broadcast teams tonight!”
Mark Green: “Good point! For starters, we had Jade Walker return in the corner of Drinka Kegonite and despite Drinka falling short against Sister Sin, Jade gained a FEW measures of revenge against not only ‘The Naughty Nun’ Sister Sin but against The Reverend Walker, as well!”
Thomas Strona: “Not only that, but ‘Luke Warm’ John White might just be the stupidest individual on the face of this earth!”
Mark Green: “You, of course, making reference to ‘Luke Warm’ taking one of his infamous Rolling Rock beer bottle shots to the head – this time at the expense of the returning President Jack Davis!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, I mean, Jack Davis warned him that if so much as laid a hand on him that he’d be indefinitely suspended, if not fired altogether, let alone getting to compete in tonight’s Three Rings of Hell three ring battle royal, yet he smashed a bottle of Rolling Rock over Jack’s head anyways!”
Mark Green: “Well, let’s face it, ‘Luke Warm’ John White and the entire Anarchy Association, for that matter, have been doing anything but listening to authority since Day One – especially when it comes to our returning President, Jack Davis! Hold on…speaking of which…I understand that we have some commotion going on in the back that we want to show you…”
Cameras cut to the back to show Jack Davis holding a bag of ice to his forehead with one hand and pointing for security to escort ‘Luke Warm’ John White out of the building with his other hand.
Jack Davis: “Get him out of here! I warned you, ‘Luke Warm’, and you didn’t listen! You’ve just kissed your spot in the Three Rings of Hell good bye! You hear me?! In fact, you’ll be lucky if I ever let you step foot in a FEW ring again!”
”Luke Warm” John White: “(As he’s being escorted away without a fight) At the rate which you put out shows, it’s not like I’ll be missing much work.”
Jack Davis: “Why you-“
Jack Davis makes a move at “Luke Warm” after the cheap shot, but officials and other security guards hold him back.
Brent Bell walks up to Jack.
Brent Bell: “Jack, there’s a FEW things going on that I really think you should know about!”
Jack Davis: “Can it, Bell. I’m running the show around here now and your insight is no longer needed!”
Brent Bell: “Well…okay.”
As Davis storms off, Bell shakes his head in disbelief, as the scene returns to a shot of the broadcast duo of Mark Green and Thomas Strona.
Mark Green: “It sounds to me as if Brent Bell was making reference to the arrival of that someone or maybe even multiple someones that he was hearing about as The FEW For Free came to a close.”
Thomas Strona: “Take it easy, Green. It’s like Jack said - HE’S running the show around here! I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”
Mark Green: “Time will tell, I guess. For now though, it’s time to kick of Michigan Massacre, picking up right where The Thirteen Nights of Hell left off! That’s right! It’s time for the Finals in the King of the Death Match Tournament to determine the Number One Contender to the FEW Hardcore Championship!”
The lights in the arena dim slightly, as the sound of an alarm clock buzzing off is heard and the picture of one can be seen on the video FEW Video Wall. Then a hand comes in and grabs the alarm clock, as the sound of a man yawning can be heard. The hand tosses the alarm clock away, which is followed by the beginning of "Da First of Da Month" by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony playing over the PA.
Cameras cut live to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing first, weighing in at 177 pounds and hailing from Johnstown, Pennsylvania…Will Fair!”
Will Fair emerges from the back, carrying his trademarked paper bagged forty ounce glass bottle of malt liquor, as he soaks in the boos from the crowd. Orange laser lights shine down on the ramp way making out "cents" symbols as opposed to the more common "dollar" symbol. The lights take on a faint green hue, as Will walks to the ring jaw-jacking with the occasional fan with Will, as usual, ending with his trademark hick laugh and a grin showing several missing teeth. He walks down and climbs the ring stairs walking along the apron where he stops and makes a gesture as if his back is in extreme pain. He then doubles over laughing, pointing at the crowd. He steps through the ropes and awaits the start of the match.
Mark Green: “There’s a class act. Will came this close to losing to The Sarge, but after a recount, it was Will who stapled thirteen dollars onto The Sarge first during their Lucky Thirteen Semi Finals Match, sending Will Fair to the Finals and not The Sarge – a loss that still isn’t sitting well with the proud American.”
Thomas Strona: “Look, dawg…Will won the match fair and square – if you’ll excuse the pun – and so Sarge just has to get over it and turn his attention back to his arch rival Tommy Roberts, Tommy’s Television Title and The Sarge’s turncoat sister, The Corporal!”
Mark Green: “The Sarge does bring up a fair argument though. Since when is the referee’s decision not the final one?”
Thomas Strona: “Hey - it’s not Will’s fault that Jack Hammer can’t count. Luckily the official in this match won’t have to count any higher than three.”
Mark Green: “Very true. No count-outs or requirements to break the hold by five in this one folks. The only ways to win are pinfall, submission or the just as likely in this kind of match – the official deems the competitor unable to continue!”
Will’s music fades out and the anticipation of his competitor’s introduction gets the fans cheering ahead of time.
Thomas Strona: “Very good, kid. Now can it, so the introductions can continue!”
The sounds of evil laughter fill the arena as the FEW faithful jump to their feet...
“WELCOME TO THE ASYLUM MOTHAFUCKAS!”, are the words yelled out, as the lights go to a purple hue and "Thug Pit" by Insane Clown Posse BLARES over the loudspeakers.
The FEW Video Wall lights up to show the infamous A.A. logo, as Gretchen Schwab makes the introduction from outside the ring.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And his opponent, weighing in at 285 pounds, representing the Anarchy Association, and hailing from the Asylum, here is...’The Jester’ Chad Allen!"
Suddenly the wicked clown, "Jester" Chad Allen makes his way out onto the ramp. He is filming the screaming fans through the ANARCHcam, which we can now see the filming of on the FEW Video Wall.
Mark Green: “Conspicuous by her absence is ‘The Naughty Nurse’ Miss Treatment!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, don’t remind me.”
Mark Green: “One of Brent Bell’s last decisions as Interim President was to ban any non-competitors from ringside during this tournament, so that would include ‘The Naughty Nurse’, ‘Das Beerman’ Havva Kegonite and ‘The Jester’s other Anarchy Association member, ‘Luke Warm’ John White, who we last saw being taken away by security.”
Thomas Strona: “Hey – Davis warned him not to touch him and he chose not to listen!”
‘The Jester’ holds up his cane to the fans, as he makes his way to the ring, enters the ring, and lets out one of his infamous evil laughs, as the music fades and the lights come up.
King of the Death Match Tournament Finals!
Winner Gets a Shot at the FEW Hardcore Championship!
“The Jester” Chad Allen of The Anarchy Association
vs.
Will Fair
Mark Green: “As the bell sounds, it’s Will Fair clinching that forty of his like a weapon!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, with GOOD REASON, dawg! Look at ‘The Jester’ – he’s got The ANARCHcam in one hand and is pointing that cane of his at Will in the other!”
Cameras cut ‘Archaic’ Roman Kennedy watching from a monitor in the back.
Mark Green: “Roman Kennedy, no doubt, has an interest in this match, as he will be defending his FEW Hardcore Title against the winner of this match!”
Thomas Strona: “Luckily, not tonight, dawg, because I don’t think either man would be in much shape to fight Roman by the time this one’s over!”
Mark Green: “Will Fair makes a move towards ‘The Jester’, still filming him through The ANARCHcam, but Will is quick to back off as ‘The Jester’ swings back his cane as if threatening to strike!”
Will Fair: “(As he backs off) Now, now…take ‘er easy now! Don’t go makin’ me spill no beer now! (After setting down his forty ouncer in the corner) Now put dat shit down and let’s fight like men!”
Mark Green: “Listen to Will, calling for a fair fight.”
“The Jester” Chad Allen pulls down the camera from his face and throws it down at his feet.
Mark Green: “There goes the ANARCHcam and after taking a quick look at his cane, he throws it down-NO! Faking a gesture to throw down his cane, he caught Will off guard by shooting smoke out of the end of it!”
Thomas Strona: “That’s messed up, dawg! Will was willing to fight clean and ‘The Jester’ instead took a cheap shot and the fans are loving it, as ‘The Jester’ beats down poor Will with that cane of his! How can you possibly condone this?!?”
Mark Green: “It’s a hardcore bout. Besides, The A.A. could care less whether the fans cheer them or not. They’re just about causing…well…ANARCHY…and Will’s getting a fair dose of it right now!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at Will staggering about in a drunken stuper-“
Mark Green: “Yeah – like that’s anything new!”
Thomas Strona: “My gawd! ‘The Jester’s turning Will into a human piñata!”
Mark Green: “That he is! It’s ‘The Jester’ now choking Will with that cane from behind!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Will doesn’t have to like that! Look at him turning blue in the face, gasping for air!”
Mark Green: “Will now - with an elbow to ‘The Jester’s gut out of pure desparation!”
Thomas Strona: “Thatta’ boy, Will!”
Mark Green: “After a rake to the face – and I’m willing to bet those nails aren’t exactly clean and trimmed – it’s Will now hammering away on ‘The Jester’ with a FEW stiff arms to the back!”
Thomas Strona: “I’m not sure ‘The Jester’ did himself any favors, dawg, by pissing Will Fair off, starting the match off the way he did!”
Mark Green: “It’s Will now hurling ‘The Jester’ over the top rope and onto the floor!”
As ‘The Jester’ hits the mat, he cringes in pain only to crack a maniacal smirk.
Thomas Strona: “I don’t like that smirk, dawg! Something tells me that he’s glad to have Will riled up, as if he wouldn’t have it any other way!”
Mark Green: “Now, granted, this match is sans the cliché old shopping cart full of weapons, but with three times the number of rings out here, tonight, there should be plenty of goodies underneath our squared circles and it looks as if ‘The Jester’s going shopping!”
Thomas Strona: “Not if Will can help it!”
Mark Green: “Will quickly slides to the outside and yanks ‘The Jester’ up! It’s Will now ramming ‘The Jester’ headfirs-NO! It’s ‘The Jester’ slamming on the brakes and sending Will head-first into the steel ring post instead!”
Thomas Strona: “Will’s got to be careful, dawg! ‘The Jester’ outweighs him by over a hundred pounds and surely can overpower him in those kinds of situations!”
Mark Green: “AGAIN, it’s ‘The Jester’ ramming Will Fair into the steel ring post, only to set Will Fair up for a suplex!”
Thomas Strona: “A SUPLEX?!? On the outside?!? Don’t tell me he’s going to suplex him onto those unforgiving concrete floors!”
Mark Green: “Try suplexing Will back-first onto those steel ringsteps!”
Thomas Strona: “DAMN, dawg! That’s even worse! Will does not have to like that!”
Mark Green: “No, he most certainly does not! Nor does he have to like the fact, that it’s ‘The Jester’ now grabbing a hold of spare cable cord from under the ring!”
Thomas Strona: “Uh-oh, dawg! Something tells me that cord’s not hooking up to the ANARCHcam!”
Mark Green: “Unfortunately for Will, it’s not, as it’s The Jester’ now – wrapping that cable cord around Will’s neck and strangling him with it!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg – as if he wasn’t a red neck already! Again, look at him gasping for air and turning blue in the face!”
Mark Green: “It looks as if it’s going from bad to worse as it’s ‘The Jester’ now sliding under the ropes and back into the ring, keeping that cable cord hog-tied around Will’s neck, as he brings Will to his feet and yanks him under the ropes and into the ring with him!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at the sadistic smile on the face of ‘The Jester’ – as if he’s getting off on the pain he’s inflicting!”
Mark Green: “It certainly appears that way! It’s ‘The Jester’ now - bringing the hog-tied Will back up to his feet only to clothesline him over the top rope, while keeping a hold of the cable – essentially HANGING Will over the top rope from inside the ring!”
Thomas Strona: “DAMN, DAWG! Look at Will desperately clutching for the cable around his neck as he fights for…well…his LIFE!”
Mark Green: “Indeed! Folks, if you haven’t taken the children out of the room already, now may be a good time to do so, because this isn’t for the weak of heart!”
Thomas Strona: “THANKFULLY, it’s ‘The Jester’ FINALLY letting go of the cable, dropping Will to the mat, outside the ring!”
Mark Green: “With Will on his hands and knees on the mat, desperately gasping for air, as he frantically struggles to untie that cable from around his neck, you have to wonder if that was an act of mercy or merely a prelude to his next act of cruel and unusual punishment!”
Thomas Strona: “I’m afraid it’s the latter, dawg, as it’s ‘The Jester’ now slipping back outside the ring!”
Mark Green: “As Will continues working at untying the cable from his neck, it’s ‘The Jester’ looking underneath the ring, but for what?”
Thomas Strona: “Uh-oh, dawg! It’s THE BAT OF DOOM!”
Mark Green: “You have to figure that ‘The Jester’ planted his barbed wire wrapped baseball bat underneath the ring earlier today!”
Thomas Strona: “Ya think, dawg? You don’t think the ring crew had any use for that while setting up the ring?”
Mark Green: “Sure, have fun at my expense, because somebody other than Will has to!”
“The Jester” Chad Allen proudly holds up THE BAT OF DOOM for the cheering crowd to see.
Thomas Strona: “We have one SICK crowd here, tonight!”
Mark Green: “What do you expect? We’re literally in HELL – Will Fair’s own personal hell for that matter! As Will FINALLY unties the cable from around his neck, it’s ‘The Jester’ driving that barbed wire wrapped baseball bat into the already THROBBING back of Will Fair!”
Thomas Strona: “DAMN, dawg! Look at it, Green! The barbed wire is sticking to his flesh!”
Mark Green: “That’s the intention!”
Thomas Strona: “I’m not sure I can watch this, dawg!”
Mark Green: “Listen to Will cry out in pain as ‘The Jester’ pulls the bat off of him, taking a little bit of Will’s flesh with it!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah – Will doesn’t have to be liking this one bit!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but the self-proclaimed ‘HARDCORE GOD’ seems to be eating it up, so to speak! Look at ‘The Jester’ now – reveling in Will’s pain, as he rolls the hurting red neck under the ropes and back into the ring!”
Thomas Strona: “…And right behind him comes ‘The Jester’, dawg, with that BAT OF DOOM of his in tow!”
Mark Green: “It’s his American Express card, Strona. He doesn’t leave home without it!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at ‘The Jester’, dawg, setting the BAT OF DOOM down on the mat, only to yank Will up, hook him by the neck and SUPLEX him back-first again – THIS TIME onto the BAT OF DOOM! First, onto the ring steps, now THAT!”
Mark Green: “With Will lying back-first onto the BAT OF DOOM, it’s as if you could see the light bulb going off inside ‘The Jester’s head as he scales the ropes!”
Thomas Strona: “OH NO!”
Mark Green: “I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s going to try his Jestersault moonsault here, but then again, you NEVER know what’s going through that sick mind of his!”
Thomas Strona: “That’s what I’m afraid of, dawg!”
Mark Green: “It IS however, The Jestersault, but NO! Will rolled out of the way at the very last second and ‘The Jester’ hit nothing but canvas!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but look! That bat stuck to Will as he rolled out of the way!”
Mark Green: “With ‘The Jester’ reeling, it’s Will Fair with the unenviable task of having to pull THE BAT OF DOOM off of his back himself!”
Thomas Strona: “He’s gotta just rip it off like bandaid, dawg! Doing it slowly will just be all the more agonizing!”
Mark Green: “Sure – easy for YOU to say!”
Thomas Strona: “Easier to SAY than to WATCH! MY GAWD!”
Mark Green: “Both men in pain, but now it’s Will on the offensive – stomping a virtual mud hole through the fallen carcass of ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Look at Will – with his head busted open and his back torn to shreds! He’s going to need the winner’s share of the purse just to pay for all the medical bill he’s going to have after this!”
Mark Green: “Don’t look now, Strona, but Will just spotted that forty ouncer he set down at the onset of this match!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah – only for ‘The Jester’ to blind him with that smokescreen out of his cane, which he then took batting practice on Will’s back with!”
Mark Green: “Well, now it’s Will with cruel intentions in mind, as he clutches hold of that bottle of his, only to remove it from the bag and set it on the mat!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at him taking a page out of ‘The Jester’s playbook – positioning ‘The Jester’s head on top of that beer bottle!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but as we saw with ‘The Jester’, that can backfire!”
Thomas Strona: “Not this time!”
Mark Green: “Certainly not! Will skips the aerial risk, opting instead, to deliver a crushing stomp onto ‘The Jester’s head SHATTERING the bottle underneath it!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn dawg, look at the blood spilling from ‘The Jester’s head and I can’t even IMAGINE how many shards of glass they’re going to have to remove from his skull later!”
Mark Green: “Later can’t get here soon enough for these two, but Will’s not done yet, as he slides back to the outside and takes a look under the ring himself! Wait a second! Look what Will found!”
Thomas Strona: “Are you kidding me, dawg? He had another paper bag wrapped forty ouncer hidden underneath the ring?!?”
Mark Green: “I for one, am not surprised in the least!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, but as he takes the bottle out of the bag you can’t help but wonder-WAIT A SECOND, Green! That’s not BEER in that bottle! It’s thumbtacks!”
Mark Green: “Indeed, that’s certainly not malt liquor he’s pouring onto the mat!”
Thomas Strona: “Nah. Rest assured, dawg, he wouldn’t waste an ounce of his beer!”
Mark Green: “Those thumbtacks don’t appear like they’re going to go to waste either, as it’s Will now yanking ‘The Jester’ up only to hip toss him right back down onto that thumbtack covered mat!”
Thomas Strona: “Will’s not finished with that tack magnet, otherwise known as ‘The Jester’ just yet, dawg!”
Mark Green: “You’re right about that, Strona, as it’s Will now – yanking ‘The Jester’ back up to a vertical base, only to drive ‘The Jester’ back down onto the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! OUCH! I’m not sure if Will thought that maneuver all the way through though, as he fell right onto a fair share of tacks himself with that move!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but look at Will – slowly getting back up and doing his best to fight off the pain! You don’t get this far in a tournament of this nature if you can’t handle a little punishment!”
Mark Green: “I’d hardly call it a LITTLE punishment! Every match in this tournament has been pretty brutal!”
Thomas Strona: “Fair enough, dawg. I’ll give you that much!”
Mark Green: “What’s Will going to give ‘The Jester’ now? That’s the question I’ve got to ask, as it’s Will sliding to the outside, only to chase Gretchen Schwab out of her chair!”
Thomas Strona: “As Will slides back into the ring with that steel chair, ‘The Jester’ doesn’t have to like what Will must have store! I’ll tell you that much, Green!”
Mark Green: “It’s Will now setting that steel chair up in the ring and it’s Will now bringing ‘The Jester’ back up to his feet…and a drop toe hold later…DOWN goes ‘The Jester’ hard into the back of the chair, head-first into the back of the chair, as opposed to onto the seat of the chair, as it’s so often used!”
Thomas Strona: “Will certainly has an unorthodox style of punishment, dawg! I’ll give you that much!”
Mark Green: “Will’s certainly been focusing his attack on the head and neck of ‘The Jester’ – no doubt trying to gear ‘The Jester’ up for his Permanent Disability submission finisher, straight out of the Dragon Sleeper!”
Thomas Strona: “That’s not too far behind, it looks like as it appears as if Will’s calling for the Food Stamp, his sitdown facebuster set-up move to his Permanent Disability finisher you were just mentioning!”
Mark Green: “With ‘The Jester’ doing his best to recover from that drop toe hold into the BACK of the chair, it’s Will – grabbing a hold of ‘The Jester’s head and then jumping down into a sitting position, sending ‘The Jester’s face into the mat between Fair’s legs!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Now granted, once again, Will may not have thought that one all the way through, jumping down into a sitting position onto a mat full of tacks and glass and such, but ‘The Jester’ had it much worse, going face-first into that unforgiving canvas littered in glass and tacks!”
Mark Green: “So, as Will Fair slowly gets up, brushing off the tacks from his backside, you can’t help but feel as if it’s the beginning of the end for ‘The Jester here!”
Thomas Strona: “Again it’s Will yanking ‘The Jester’ up off the mat-NO! It’s ‘The Jester’, dawg, somehow mustering up enough to nail Will with a low blow!”
Mark Green: “With Will temporarily out of commission, it’s ‘The Jester’ grabbing hold of the ANARCHcam and BASHING it over the head of Will, dropping the FEW’s resident redneck to the mat!”
Thomas Strona: “As Will goes down, dawg, it’s ‘The Jester’ – slow to follow up, clearly showing how much this match has taken out of him!”
Mark Green: “Oh, no doubt! Clearly, this match has taken it’s toll on BOTH Will and ‘The Jester’! None the less, it’s ‘The Jester’ once again bringing Will back up to his feet, only to knock him right back down with a discus elbow smash, a roaring elbow, if you will!”
Thomas Strona: “’The Jester’ likes to call it The Killing Joke!”
Mark Green: “Well, it’s one joke that Will Fair’s not finding very funny! That much is for sure!”
Thomas Strona: “…And what’s worse, dawg, is that usually is what ‘The Jester’ uses to set up his reverse torture rack Death Valley Driver finisher he calls The Last Laugh!”
Mark Green: “Literally smelling blood, it’s ‘The Jester’ indeed taking Will into the mat with The Last Laugh. “The Jester’ now – with the cover…”
The crowd counts along with the official:
ONE!
TWO!
THR-
Thomas Strona: “NO! Will got a shoulder up at the last second!”
Mark Green: “I don’t know where Will found the…well…WILL…to power out of that pinfall! It’s a very short list of people who have kicked out of that one, Strona! That much is for sure!”
Thomas Strona: “I don’t think ‘The Jester’ much cares for the official’s count there, and he’s letting him have an ear full for it, dawg!”
Cameras cut to the back, once more, to show Roman shaking his head in disbelief over what he’s just seen.
Mark Green: “Even Roman Kennedy can’t believe what he’s just seen!”
Thomas Strona: “Having had his say, it’s ‘The Jester’ now – stepping in between the ropes onto the apron, no doubt preparing to scale the turnbuckles once more to finish the job from above!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but between jaw-jacking with the official and turning his attention to the crowd, he’s not only given Will a chance to recoup, but he’s turned his back on a dangerous opponent in Will Fair! Will pounces from behind on ‘The Jester’, wrapping his legs around ‘The Jester’ from behind, attempting to lock on the Dragon Sleeper, seemingly attempting to bridge ‘The Jester’ into The Permanent Disability across the ropes, but it’s ‘The Jester’ fighting Will off, catching Will in a Dragon Sleeper/STF combo, ‘The Jester’ likes to call The Rolling Rock Lock!”
Thomas Strona: “OH NO!”
Mark Green: “Will doesn’t want to give in, but ‘The Jester’s left him no choice, as he finally cries uncle!”
After calling for the bell, ‘The Jester’ continues to cinch the move on tight, until finally giving into the official’s demands to let go, much to the chagrin of ‘The Jester’.
Gretchen Schwab: “Here is your winner of the match and The King of the Death Match Tournament…’The Jester’ Chad Allen!”
In a moment where ‘The Jester’s theme music would ordinarily be played, instead the crowd’s attention was drawn towards the entranceway, where longtime promoter John Eibach, dressed in black Armani suit, was seen clapping his hands together slowly in recogniation of ‘The Jester’s victory.
Thomas Strona: “OH MY GOD! It’s John Eibach!”
Mark Green: “What’s he doing here?”
Thomas Strona: “I don’t know, dawg, but I think we’re about to find out.”
John Eibach: “(Pulling out a house mic from inside his sportscoat.) VERY impressive. Your old partner, Shaun Borders would be quite impressed…but make no mistake about it . Shaun Borders was, is and will always be…’The Better Man’!”
Seemingly striking a nerve in ‘The Jester’, the hardcore clown’s face quickly turns from curious onlooker to insulted vengence seeker.
John Eibach: “(As he makes his way towards ringside) I’d have Shaun show you himself, but at the moment, he’s got more important matters to attend to. Besides, you couldn’t beat him on your BEST day, let alone in the condition you’re in right now.”
Just as before, the crowd reacts to Eibach’s comments, leaving an already exhausted ‘Jester’ seething.
Mark Green: “I don’t know how wise it is on Eibach’s part to be making his way down here, to ringside, while simultaneously drawing the ire of the man standing inside the ring.”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…and that’s not just ANY man that Eibach’s pissing off! That’s the self-proclaimed HARDCORE GOD, who wouldn’t HESITATE to make an example of ANYBODY, let alone somebody running their mouth off about him!”
As John Eibach climbs up the ring steps and makes his way into the ring, “The Jester” Chad Allen grabs hold of his barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat, holding it as if ready to strike Eibach.
John Eibach: “Easy tiger. You don’t want to hit ME.”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “(Clutching his BAT OF DOOM as if daring Eibach to take another step) Wanna’ bet?”
John Eibach: “Yeah. You see, you and I have a common enemy.You and I share a disdain for the same man. That man, of course, being Jack Davis.”
The mere mention of Davis’ name brings jeers from the capacity crowd.
John Eibach: “Looking to make a name for yourselves, you and The Anarchy Association kidnapped his pompous ass and instilled so much fear in him that you made him actually piss his pants before leaving him out for dead in the middle of the desert.”
The crowd cheers, bringing a sudden smile to "The Jester"s face.
John Eibach: “(Nodding in agreement with the crowd) It could happen to a better man, so I commend you for a job well done.”
Again the crowd cheers.
John Eibach: “The thing is, I HATE Jack Davis. With every fiber in my being, I despise the man. When Bradley’s Renegade Allstar Wrestling League first opened its doors, we used Bradley Waubash as the poster child for the organization based on the fact that FEW had made ‘The Golden Boy’, ‘The Beverly Hills Brat’ a household name, but make no mistake – BRAWL was MY brainchild. I saw the untapped potential in “The Icon Killer” Tommy Roberts and made him our first ever BRAWL World Champion. Thanks to Jack, though, he would become our first, last and only World Champion. So jealous was he that I was a far better talent scout than he ever was, finding the likes of ‘Ruthless’ Ron Richards and The Blue and The Grey. I had the FEWd of all FEWds pitting FREEK’s brother, Mace Morgan, against ‘The Captialist’ Marshall Carnegie. And you want to talk HARDCORE, ‘Jester’ you would have some nerve calling yourself a HARDCORE GOD in the presence of Ben ‘The Trashcan’ Dennis or FEW’s first-ever Hardcore Champion – Ash ‘Bloodfist’ Blackwell!”
The crowd cheers at the mention of Dennis and Blackwell, obviously pissing off ‘The Jester’.
John Eibach: “Now, before you get all excited, Dennis and Blackwell aren’t coming back. They’re long gone, just as Ron Richards is long gone. You see, Jack stole all my talent out from under me, forcing BRAWL to close its doors, but Jack didn’t know what to do with all this talent once he had it. These guys were MONEY, but it’s like the saying goes, a fool and his money are soon parted. Dennis and Blackwell left FEW when their thirst for violence went unquenched. Ron Richards and The Blue and The Grey left because they went unappreciated and soon enough, Tommy Roberts, Mace Morgan and Marshall Carnegie will all be moving on for greener pastures, too!”
The crowd boos.
John Eibach: “I’m afraid it’s true. Isn’t that right, Big Rob?”
Cameras cut to Big Rob Tucker, seated at one of the three broadcast tables.
John Eibach: “Don’t bother getting up, Tuck. I see that you’re on crutches, which makes you in better shape than NOW. Also closed, mind you, and excuse the pun, but NOW look where your only World Champion, The KingPin, NOW resides!”
Big Rob nods in head in agreement.
John Eibach: “…And it’s not the FIRST time he’s made a fool out of you. How about when you and Wallace introduced the world to CASE? He stole your FEWd of all FEWds pitting “Mr. Cool” Scotty Henderson against Governor Oliver Prescott? Davis brought them here, too - not to mention ‘Mr. Cool’s OTHER arch nemesis, Hot Rod. Just as I brought new life into Tommy Roberts, you found untapped potential in the man formerly known as Phantom and re-invented him as Hot Rod! All four of them wrestling for FEW…NOW! Not to mention the FEW’s resident redneck, Will Fair, who was saw just moments ago. Long before the FEW introduced him as a referee turned wrestler, HE wrestled for CASE, too!
“Or how about going back to where it all started? In its early days, FEW went on a winter hiatus. When it reopened its doors, the PWF had formed. That’s where The Roberts brothers, Austin Walker and the FEW’s ORGINAL taste of ANARCHY, Chaos Inc. – came from! Davis disguised it THEN as a company merger. That’s why the three MAJOR titles are all still considered UNIFIED Champions! Guess who CONVENIENTLY were awarded the belts in those three big matches! Yeah - the FEW guys and by the wayside went the PWF!”
Again, Big Rob is seen not just agreeing with Eibach, but this time starting to turn visibly upset about reliving the past.
John Eibach: “Wow, it seems that I’ve not only struck a nerve in ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen, but Big Rob Tucker, as well. But you’re not alone, Tuck, in trying to rebuild with NOW, after PWF was dissolved by Jack, only for Jack to steal your talent out from under you! As ‘The Jester’ and I know all too well, I made the foolish mistake of trying to rebuild with PWR after BRAWL was long gone. Another first, last and only champion was crowned there in Television Champion “Hurricane” Herman Hertz. I know you remember him, Chad!”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “You bet your ass, I do! We wanted to kick that girly gymnast’s teeth in!”
John Eibach: “You never got the chance did you?”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “Sadly, no.”
John Eibach: “Again, you can blame Davis. You didn’t have to kidnap him to work your way onto FEW cards. It was only a matter of time before he signed PWR’s biggest stars!”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “Save your sweet talk, Eibach. We came here on OUR terms!”
John Eibach: “…And more PWR to you! Getting Davis to not only bring you guys on but piss himself in doing so made for must-see-TV, if you ask me!”
”The Jester” Chad Allen: “(With a maniacal grin) You ain’t seen NOTHING yet!”
John Eibach: “Frankly, I haven’t seen ENOUGH and I’m not about to sit around waiting for you and The Anarchy Association or Big Rob Tucker, crutches and all, to do something about it! A FEW of us have made the mistake of rebuilding, but until we destroy FEW once and for all, it will ALL BE FOR NOT! Davis, your worst nightmare begins NOW!”
A heel pop comes from the crowd, as John Eibach offers his hand to “The Jester”.
Thomas Strona: “Look out, dawg, but Davis doesn’t have to like the partnership that Eibach is trying to form with ‘The Jester’ here!”
”The Jester” looks at Eibach, then at the BAT OF DOOM in his hands, then at the crowd, before looking back at the BAT OF DOOM once more, only to throw it down to the mat.
Mark Green: “Wow! ‘The Jester’ just threw down the BAT OF DOOM! He must be on board-WAIT! NO! It’s ‘The Jester’ grabbing Eibach by the neck and backing him into the corner!”
”The Jester” Chad Allen: “Who in the HELL do you think you ARE?!? The Anarchy Association doesn’t care about you or Big Rob or your belly up business ventures! We love making Davis miserable and the only place to do it is HERE in the FEW! We love the ANARCHY we cause here and HOW DARE YOU compare US to Chaos Inc. or ME to Shaun Borders?!? I’ll show the world who ‘THE BETTER MAN” is-“
WHACK!
Suddenly, “The Jester” Chad Allen is struck upside the head by a knight stick, after turning around a moment too late to avoid an ambush from behind.
Mark Green: “OH MY GAWD! It’s “Excessive Force” Eric Vanguard coming from OUT OF NOWHERE!”
Thomas Strona: “No, dawg, he slithered out of the crowd and into the ring, before ‘The Jester” Chad Allen even had time to know what hit him! Look at Vanguard – beating down ‘The Jester” with that knight stick, like a vindictive prison guard, much to the approval of John Eibach!”
John Eibach: “(Yelling at ‘The Jester”) How DARE you put your hands on me?! You certainly aren’t the HARDCORE GOD you proclaim to be, despite winning down some WATERED DOWN King of The Death Match Tournament – another concept that Davis blatantly STOLE from me! Not only are you not ‘The Better Man’ that Shaun Borders is, but you’re a sad excuse for a man in general! Look at you, who’s going to save you NOW? DAVIS sure isn’t going to, nor is he going to send out his troops to do the job for him! He’d rather see you DIE! That leaves ‘Luke Warm’ who, in case you missed it, Davis had taken out of here by some of Hell’s FINEST. Hitting Davis wasn’t SMART, but hitting a COP? That’s almost dumber than you putting your hands on me? So, who does that POSSIBLY leave?!?”
Suddenly, the roar of a chainsaw is heard, bringing the crowd to the cheers!
Mark Green: “Eibach may have spoke to soon! These fans know who’s coming when you hear that all too familiar CHAINSAW! It’s The Anarchy Association’s own HAVVA KEGONITE!”
Thomas Strona: “Wait a second, dawg! That’s not HAVVA!”
Much to everyone’s surprise, “The Manmade Natural Disaster” TANTRUM emerges from the back, carrying Havva Kegonite’s trademark chainsaw!
Mark Green: “It’s TANTRUM!”
John Eibach: “With ‘Luke Warm’ gone, that left us with only minor detail to iron out, but don’t your worry…I’m sure Tantrum didn’t hurt Havva TOO badly, did you, Tantrum?”
Tantrum sheepishly grins, as he makes his way down to the ring.
John Eibach: “Then again…maybe Tantrum DID finish off Havva Kegonite once and for all, just like we’re going to do to YOU!”
“Not if WE can help it!’, declares an all too familiar voice, bringing the crowd to their feet to see both Shane Wilson and also, with a mic in hand, the reigning FEW Hardcore Champion, “Archaic” Roman Kennedy.
John Eibach: “(Seeing the two make a move for the ring) HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! IF EITHER ONE OF YOU TAKES ANOTHER STEP, SO HELP ME, WE’LL SNAP HIS GOD DAMN NECK!”
Shane and Roman both stop in their tracks, seeing Tantrum, now inside the ring, grab ‘The Jester’s neck with his massive hands.
John Eibach: “That’s right, boys. Now’s NO TIME to be playing the HERO! Tantrum, show Big Rob here, what a REAL Torture Rack should look like!”
Tantrum gladly does as told, bringing the seemingly lifeless ‘Jester’ up above his shoulders and into an excruciatingly violent torture rack.
Suddenly, Big Rob stands up from his broadcast position and reaches for his crutches, prompting Tantrum to throw down ‘The Jester’ on to the debris-covered mat.
“The Manmade Natural Disaster” Tantrum: “What? You want some of THIS?!”
Big Rob pauses, prompting Shane and Roman to exchange looks at one another, before being cut off by Eibach yet again.
John Eibach: “Don’t even THINK about it! I SWEAR to you that WE’LL snap his neck!”
As Vanguard stares Big Rob down, with his knight stick in hand, Tantrum, again, wraps his massive hands around the neck of ‘The Jester’.
John Eibach: “(Pulling a sheet of paper and a STAPLE GUN out of his coat) JESTER…you are hereby cordially invited to join us later on tonight, in what you might call a DARK match, but fear not folks! A satellite feed will be broadcast on the FEW Video Wall, there. So, ‘Jester’…if you’re the better man, you’ll come to this Hardcore Funhouse of sorts and if you’re the HARDCORE GOD you say you are, you’ll come alone, so we can finish what we started here.”
Eibach carelessly staples the sheet of paper to “The Jester’s back.
John Eibach: “There’s directions for you, but “Jester”, heed these directions MOST OF ALL, come alone or don’t come at all. We’re saving FEWture executions for the live Pay Per FEW audience! We wouldn’t want to have to finish off anybody else prematurely! That shouldn’t be a problem though, “Jester’ if you’re THE BETTER MAN you think you are! Come on boys, let’s go. I think it’s safe to say we’ll be expecting company.”
At that, Eibach, Vanguard and Tantrum slide to the outside of the ring, exiting through the crowd, as Shane Wilson, Roman Kennedy and a plethora of medics and officials come to the aid of the fallen “Jester” Chad Allen, who can barely seem to muster up enough strength to resist their help. With vengeance in his groggy eyes, “The Jester” rips the sheet of paper off his back and glances it over, as the ring crew begins to clean up the debris in the ring.
Mark Green: “Folks. I don’t believe what we’ve just witnessed here! The return of Tantrum and Eric Vanguard, but more importantly, the declaration of war by John Eibach on not only “The Jester’ and The Anarchy Association, but Jack Davis and all of FEW, for that matter!”
Thomas Strona: “…And was it just me, dawg, or did it sound to you like Eibach was inviting ‘The Jester’ to come prove to ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders who ‘The Better Man’ truly is? Because that’s what it sounded like to me!”
Mark Green: “John Eibach certainly sounded like he was also speaking on behalf on Shaun Borders. Maybe that’s what Shaun was busy preparing for…this match-up at some undisclosed location with ‘The Jester’!”
Thomas Strona: “Well knowing “The Jester”, he’s crazy enough TO come alone, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea, dawg, because I just can’t help but believe that where one member of The Legacy of Pain is, the others will be soon to follow!”
Mark Green: “We sure saw their power by numbers here, so far, tonight. I’ll tell you that much! At officials try to cool off Big RobTucker, who has a job to do tonight, let’s send things to our third of three broadcast teams, here, tonight, because thanks to a quick clean-up job by our ring crew, it looks as if we’re about to get our next match underway!”
Gretchen Schwab: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing The Big Top and being accompanied to the ring by Goat Boy…The Bearded Lady!”
The crowd cheers as traditional music is cued up throughout the arena. On cue, The bearded dress-wearing behemoth makes her way to the ring, with the scrawny goatee-sporting Goat Boy riding his way to the ring piggy-back style.
Jerry Lawson: “As The Bearded Lady and Goat Boy make their way to the ring, we’d first like to apologize for failing to preview this upcoming match in our Michigan Massacre Preview special.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, both The Bearded Lady and ‘The Naughty Nurse’ Miss Treatment were very upset about that and to the two of them, I just want to say…well…that it’s all Lawson’s fault.”
Jerry Lawson: “Rather than waste my time pleading my innocence-“
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Because you know you’re guilty.”
Jerry Lawson: “I’m going to take THIS time to give you folks the background for this match.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Totally something that a guilty person would do.”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s a story that starts with FEW Hall of Famer, Rictus ‘The Maniacal Mauler’ or at least his masked alter ego – ‘The Sex Kitten’ Amber Waves!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Man, she was hot.”
Jerry Lawson: “Dude, SHE was a HE – just Rictus in a mask!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Don’t tell me you didn’t think Bugs Bunny looked hot in drag!”
Jerry Lawson: “Okay. So, as Amber Waves, Rictus was able to win the affection of then World Champion, Bradley Waubash.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Something that did NOT go over well with Bradley’s main squeeze, Lady Die!”
Jerry Lawson: “Further more, as Amber Waves, Rictus was able to win the Women’s Title and after revealing that he was Amber Waves, much to Bradley’s embarrassment, Rictus was able to secure a World Title shot that allowed Rictus to go on to become World Champion, the only title that Rictus had not held at the time!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Just like that, Bradley had lost his World Title.”
Jerry Lawson: “Meanwhile, Lady Die had lost her mind. She was having nightmares about The Bearded Lady dressed up as ‘The Sex Kitten’ Amber Waves!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Lucky for her, ‘The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment came along to treat her illness.”
Jerry Lawson: “Miss Treatment didn’t care about treating Lady Die. Treatment used Die’s crazy dreams as a reason to have her institutionalized, leaving Lady Die with a grudge against ‘The Naughty Nurse” when she got out, giving Miss Treatment just the opportunity she needed to make a name for herself in FEW!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It was an issue that was never settled before Lady Die left FEW. Instead we’re left with Miss Treatment versus The Bearded Lady. Somewhere, you have to imagine that Lady Die is watching on, hoping that these two beat the living hell out of each other, ending both careers in the process!”
After carrying Goat Boy piggy-back style up the ring steps and into the ring, the traditional music of The Big Top fades out and in its place, red police style lights flash from all over the arena, as the sounds of a ambulance siren blare over the PA. The jumbo screen lights up with the Anarchy Association logo, inspiring the fans to leap to their feet to somewhat of a heel pop. The sirens fade into "Psycho Bitch" by Tech N9ne, as from the back steps “The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment. She raises her hands into the air, and gives a spin, showing off her TIGHT black leather nurses outfit and flowing red hair.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And her opponent…from The Asylum and representing The Anarchy Association, ‘The Naughty Nurse’ Miss Treatment!”
Jerry Lawson: “Granted ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen may just BE ‘The Hardcore God’ he claims to be – I mean, he just won The King of the Death Match Tournament, for Pete’s sake and he may be resilient to pain, but how Miss Treatment can possibly come out here and wrestle after seeing what happened to ‘The Jester’ amazes me! How can she possibly focus on the task at hand?!?”
‘The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment, emerges from the back, appearing a bit distracted as advertised, carrying her nurse’s bag with her on the way to the ring.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I don’t know, Lawson, but it looks like we’re about to find out, because here comes ‘The Naughty Nurse’ herself and it looks as if she’s brought her bag of tricks with her. Something tells me she’s got a syringe with The Bearded Lady’s name on it!”
Jerry Lawson: “Quite frankly, I don’t think she really needs it. She’s a rather skilled competitor!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but she takes a sadistic pleasure in the bad medicine she delivers. What I wouldn’t give to play doctor with HER?!”
Jerry Lawson: “As The Goat Boy slithers of the back of The Bearded Lady and out of the ring, it’s Miss Treatment staring a hole through The Bearded Lady!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Man, Lawson – if looks could kill!”
Suddenly, The Bearded Lady, Miss Treatment, Gretchen Schwab, the announce team, the official and just about everybody else in the arena turn their attention to the commotion of a surprise arrival making his way towards the ring from amongst the crowd.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH MY GOD! It’s BRADLEY WAUBASH!”
Jerry Lawson: “IT IS! First, Jade Walker returns, then THE LEGACY OF PAIN shocks the world with their return and the carnage left behind under the guidance of John Eibach and now it’s Bradley Waubash!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but Lawson, what is HE here for?”
Bradley Waubash takes an unoccupied seat in the front row.
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t know. Maybe we can get Gabriel ‘Lowdown’ Lopez to…well…get the lowdown!”
A chant of “BRADLEY!” breaks out among the crowd, that Bradley humbly dismisses, gesturing for the official to call for the bell to start the match.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It looks as if Bradley just wants to see some action!”
As if on cue, the official indeed calls for the bell, getting the match officially underway.
The Bearded Lady of The Big Top,
With Goat Boy in his corner
Vs.
“The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment
of The Anarchy Association
Jerry Lawson: “Ask and you shall receive, I guess, as it’s The Bearded Lady calling for a test of strength, to which Miss Treatment seems more than happy to oblige to- NO! It’s Miss Treatment with a boot to the gut instead! Just a FEW seconds into the match and its Miss Treatment already connecting with a low blow!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Well, they don’t call her ‘The Naughty Nurse’ for NOTHING, Lawson!” Jerry Lawson: “Quick to follow up, it’s Miss Treatment hammering away on The Bearded Lady with forearms to The Bearded Lady’s GINORMOUS back!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at Goat Boy watching on with distress!”
Jerry Lawson: “…And with good reason, as its Miss Treatment now – whipping Miss Treatment into the-NO! Reversal! Instead, it’s The Bearded Lady whipping Miss Treatment into the corner!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Uh-oh, Lawson! Here comes The Bearded Lady with a big splash!”
Jerry Lawson: “Miss Treatment, though, alertly manages to move out of the way and instead it’s The Bearded Lady hitting nothing but buckle!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Again it’s concern etched on the face of Goat Boy, as it’s The Bearded Lady staggering about in a drunken stuper!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s ‘The Naughty Nurse’ quick to follow up with a HARD leaping side kick to the head, or as Miss Treatment likes to call it – The Lethal Injection!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “LETHAL indeed!”
Jerry Lawson: “Normally a mere set-up to her finisher, that may have been enough for Miss Treatment to finish off The Bearded Lady! Miss Treatment with the cover…”
The official drops down to the mat to make the count:
“ONE!”
“TWO!”
Jerry Lawson: “NO! It’s Goat Boy yanking the official to the outside! Miss Treatment was THIS CLOSE to having this match won!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “CLOSE only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, Lawson and this is neither!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, it’s not right, if you ask me…or Miss Treatment for that matter! Look at the scowl on her face, as she sees Goat Boy on the outside arguing with the official!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Uh-oh! It looks like Miss Treatment’s going to take the law into her own hands!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s Goat Boy now - running around the ring with Miss Treatment giving chase! Goat Boy now – slides into the ring and as Miss Treatment slides in after him, it’s Goat Boy quick to stomp away on Miss Treatment.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Nice work on the part of Goat Boy there!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah, he should be really proud of himself stomping away on a woman!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Hey – you know Miss Treatment had even worse in mind for Goat Boy when she was giving chase to him!”
Jerry Lawson: “The official has obviously seen enough as he calls for the bell! Miss Treatment is going to win this one by disqualification, I suspect!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Well, she doesn’t look like much of a winner right now, Lawson!”
Jerry Lawson: “No, she most certainly does not! Meanwhile, it’s Goat Boy paying no attention to the warnings from the official, as he continues to stomp a mud hole in the FEW’s resident nurse!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Well of course Goat Boy isn’t heeding the warning! As you noted, the official has already called for the bell! The winner of the match has already been determined, so there’s nothing stopping Goat Boy now from doing his worst!”
Jerry Lawson: “Jaw-jacking with the official, it’s Goat Boy now – yanking Miss Treatment up by a hair pull, as he pulls her up towards a vertical base, but it’s Miss Treatment countering with a fist to the groin of the Goat Boy!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Uh-oh!”
Jerry Lawson: “Uh-oh is right, as it’s Miss Treatment now irish-whipping Goat Boy hard face-first into the corner and just like she did to The Bearded Lady earlier, it’s Miss Treatment connecting with that hard leaping side kick to the head – The Lethal Injection, if you will!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah and you know what comes after that, Lawson – her Shock Treatment finisher!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah and whereas piledriving somebody the size of The Bearded Lady from the second rope probably wasn’t going to happen, doing so to the skinny, scrawny Goat Boy should be cake! Indeed, it’s ‘The Naughty Nurse’ taking hold of Goat Boy and from the second rope, it’s Miss Treatment planting Goat Boy head-first into the mat, giving him just what he deserved, if you ask me!”
Gretchen Schwab: “(As the official raises Miss Treatment’s arm in victory) Here is your winner of the match as a result of a disqualification…’The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment!”
"Psycho Bitch" by Tech N9ne is re-cued throughout the arena, but upon seeing The Bearded Lady start to stir, Miss Treatment shoves off the official and her music comes to an abrupt halt.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It looks as if ‘The Naughty Nurse’ isn’t finished with The Bearded Lady just yet!”
Jerry Lawson: “I’m afraid you’re right, ‘Slick’! Look at Miss Treatment sizing up The Bearded Lady’s head like a field goal kicker would a FOOTBALL-OH NO!”
Miss Treatment sends The Bearded Lady reeling with a stiff kick to the head.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “The kick is GOOD!”
Jerry Lawson: “For God’s sake, ‘Slick’, that’s a human’s head we’re talking about! Say what you what about him…er….her…but the fact remains that The Bearded Lady is a HUMAN BEING!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “A human being who is getting the tar getting out of him or her or whatever he she is!”
Jerry Lawson: “Despite the objections from the official, it’s Miss Treatment stomping and kicking away at The Bearded Lady without mercy!”
Suddenly, "Fisticuffs" by Primus is cued up throughout the arena, sending the crowd to their feet in a cheering frenzy and stopping Miss Treatment in her tracks, like a deer in the headlights.
Jerry Lawson: “OH MY GOD! THAT’S RICTUS’ MUSIC!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “NO WAY!”
Jerry Lawson: “On a night where we’ve already seen the returns of Jade Walker and The Legacy of Pain, could it be?!?”
The masked phenomenon of “The Sex Kitten” Amber Waves comes storming the ring with the familiar golden locks sticking out from underneath the now infamous mask.
Jerry Lawson: “Oh, it’s RICTUS, all right, or at least his alter ego! As ‘The Sex Kitten’ Amber Waves makes his…or would that be HER…way down to ringside, look at the stare down taking place between “The Sex Kitten” Amber Waves and another one of our unexpected guests here tonight – Bradley Waubash!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Man…if looks could kill!”
SMACK!
Jerry Lawson: “OH MY GAWD! Rictus…er…Amber…just bitch slapped Waubash across the face! Look at Waubash – dying to get his hands on him…or….her…but officials aren’t going to let Waubash get out of his seat, let alone anyone near the alter ego of one Rictus ‘The Maniacal Mauler’!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “With Miss Treatment quickly leaving, no doubt concerned about the intentions and condition of her A.A. cohort, ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen, it’s Amber now storming the ring and grabbing a hold of Goatboy, who recklessly grabs a hold of The Bearded Lady’s lanky loverboy, setting him up for…OH NO! It’s Rictus’ trademark act of brutality that he calls the “I KILLED KENNY”!”
On cue, Amber delivers the now infamous gutwrench piledriver with absolutely no neck support, much to the delight of the capacity crowd.
“RICTUS! RICTUS! RICTUS!”
Jerry Lawson: “Listen to this capacity crowd, Rick! As much as you have to feel for Goatboy, I’m just as glad as this crowd to see the return of the icon himself…the one…the only…”
The masked attacker rips off the mask to reveal..
Jerry Lawson: “…LADY DIE?!?”
Lady Die: “(Getting boos, while ripping away the mic from Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab) What’s the matter? I sure hope you weren’t expecting somebody else. The Legacy of Pain HATES to disappoint!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “This crowd is shocked, but nobody more so than Bradley Waubash!”
Seeing the result of Die’s attack on Goatboy, The Bearded Lady charges Die only to walk right into a stiff savate kick to the head, knocking The Bearded Lady out cold, right beside her fallen beau, as “Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent is cued up throughout the arena.
Jerry Lawson: “It’s been one surprise after another tonight! I can’t even begin to imagine what we’re going to see NEXT!”
Cameras cut to the back to show “The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment tending to the wounds of “Das Beerman” Havva Kegonite, when she sees a beaten and battered, heavily bandaged “Jester” Chad Allen storming past them, with officials, medics, Shane Wilson and “The Archaic” Roman Kennedy chasing after him.
Shane Wilson: “Chad, I may not LIKE you, but I RESPECT you too much to let you do this alone!”
“Archaic” Roman Kennedy: “Yeah, Chad. Even leaving Eibach out of the equation, you’ve got Vanguard, Tantrum and Shaun Borders outnumbering you three to one and in the shape you’re in, you’d be crazy not to let us go with you, just to have your back!”
Allen stops in tracks, turns around and stares Kennedy in the face.
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “Of course I’m crazy, Kennedy! I hail from The Asylum in case you missed it! What I don’t get is why you are so concerned about my well being?”
”Archaic” Roman Kennedy: “You busted your ass to win The King of the Death Match Tournament! That makes you the number one contender to the Hardcore Title, meaning it’s you and me for the belt, next month at November Rain and I want to make sure you not only MAKE it to Rain, so I can go head-to-head with The King of the Death Match, mono y mono with the self-proclaimed HARDCORE GOD, but I want to see to it that I’m getting you at your best, that you’re physically capable of bringing your “A” game, so we can find out who truly deserves the title of FEW Hardcore Champion!”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “What a touching speech, Kennedy! Save it for somebody who cares! As for you Wilson, I know the numbers game. I can count! I’m crazy but I’m not stupid! However, I would be, if I trusted YOU to watch my back, when you’d stab me in the back in a heartbeat just to stick it to my A.A. cohort and your long time rival, Havva Kegonite! So back off, Wilson and mind your business! I don’t need your help and I don’t want your help!”
Shane Wilson: “Fine. Don’t’ trust me, but let me just say this! John Eibach made it quite clear, that they’re declaring WAR on FEW, not just you but all of us! So you’re telling me to back off and mind my own business, well it became my business the very second Eibach drew the line in the sand and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you tell me otherwise!”
”The Jester” Chad Allen: “Listen to you with your ‘Let’s GO FEW!’ speech! Well, FEW can go to HELL for all I care! That’s not what this is about to me! This is personal and goes way back between me and Borders. He wants to call himself ‘The Better Man’, but was where HE tonight? Hiding in the shadows – that’s where! He wanted no piece of me, so he sends Eibach and his goons to deliver a message for him! Well, I got the message loud and clear and I’m more than ready to show him who ‘The Better Man’ really is and I don’t care if I to get through the whole damn Legacy of Pain to get to Shaun, I’ll show them what pain REALLY is! I’ll give ‘em Hell or go to Hell trying!”
“The Jester” turns to walk away, but Miss Treatment finally speaks up:
”The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment: “Wait Chad!”
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “(Turning around again, with a sigh as he looks at her) Now come on, Miss T – you of all people should know that this is something I’ve got to do and that I’ve got to do alone!”
“The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment: “Oh, believe me, I know. You’re one crazy son of a bitch and I’m not about to try and stop you. I just didn’t want you to forget THIS!”
Miss Treatment hands him his barbed wire wrapped baseball bat, The Bat of DOOM and with a maniacal smirk, “The Jester” Chad Allen storms off with blood stained directions in one hand and The Bat of DOOM in the other.
Unbeknownst to them all, cameras pan back to show a smirking Shaun Borders, listening in from around the corner.
Meanwhile, cameras cut to the back to show a stoic-faced Jack Davis sighing, as if ready to pull his hair out.
Jack Davis: “(Responding to a knock on the door) Come in.”
Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves walks in, ready for action.
Jack Davis: “Oh, good. You made it. Hey, thanks for coming in on such short notice. It’s just that with the injury to Big Rob, we needed a replacement. As it is, thanks to your former running mates, there’s no telling what condition Havva’s going to be in, but I can tell you one thing for sure, ‘Luke Warm’s chances of winning this ended the moment he put his hands on me!”
Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves: “(Gritting his teeth) Oh, trust me, the pleasure’s all mine.”
Jack Davis: “I just having this funny feeling that something’s amiss, that we haven’t heard the last of The Legacy of Pain, here, tonight!”
Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves: “Trust me…you haven’t.”
Jack Davis: “What makes you so sure?”
Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves: “Do you honestly think that Shaun Borders, the so-called “Better Man” is going to settle for making his return via satellite? There’s no chance he’s going to miss an opportunity like The Three Rings of Hell battle royal to prove to the world that he is what he says he is and I say let him! When he comes to you, demanding you let him in, I say you do just that! It’ll be him against ME and twenty eight other superstars and after the way The Legacy of Pain declared war on FEW tonight, he doesn’t stand a chance!”
Jack Davis: “You know what? You’re right!”
Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves: “I certainly hope so, because he and I have some unfinished business…”
Cameras zoom in on the devilish grin on the face of Nieves.
The scene returns back to a ringside shot of Mark Green and Thomas Strona.
Mark Green: “Little does Davis know it, but Nieves knows his former comrade well. Borders is indeed in the building!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg and little does ‘The Jester’ know that Borders is here and not where ‘The Jester’ is going!”
Mark Green: “I’ll tell you where ‘The Jester’s going and that’s right into an obvious set-up!”
Thomas Strona: “That’s just it, dawg. I think ‘The Jester’ knows what he’s in for, but he just doesn’t care anymore and that makes ‘The Jester’ a very dangerous man in that state of mind!”
Mark Green: “I can’t argue with you there. What I can tell you though, is that it’s time for our next match-up and for more on that, let’s hand things over to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.”
The camera cuts to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab, standing outside the ring.
Gretchen Schwab: “The following contest is an Inferno Match for the FEW Cruiserweight Title!”
The crowd pops with anticipation.
Gretchen Schwab: “There is no pinfall or submission. The only way to win is to set your opponent ON FIRE!”
The familiar traditional circus music of The Big Top is cued up bringing the crowd to their feet in cheer.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing first, weighing in at 225 pounds and hailing from Bailey, New Jersey, he is one half of the FEW Unified Tag Team Champions…The FEW Cruiserweight Champion…The RingMaster!”
The RingMaster makes his way to the ring with a sense of purpose and determination about him.
Mark Green: “Look at the masked RingMaster making his way to the ring. It’s not too often that you see The Champion challenging his opponent, but he’s got vengeance on his mind, after the way El Diablo scarred his face!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but if he’s not careful, if he lets his emotions gets the best of him and doesn’t remain focused, he’ll LOSE his title and only GAIN some more burns to his already scarred body!”
As The RingMaster makes his way to the ring, his music fades and the lights in the arena go out and are replaced by a dim red hue, as the eerie howling of wolves fades into Cult Of Personality by Living Color.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And his opponent…representing the Cult Of Personality and being accompanied to the ring by The Reverend, he weighs in at 211 pounds and hails from a State of Distress…he is El Diablo.”
Out from the black, come a procession of hooded druids dressed in all black and carrying lit torches in their hands. At the end of the procession, El Diablo emerges from the back, led by The Reverend, with his loaded bible in hand.
Mark Green: “What an entrance on the part of El Diablo! In fact, it’s just as cool as it is creepy!”
Thomas Strona: “It’s all part of the mind games, we’ve come to expect from the Cult Of Personality.”
With the masked RingMaster staring a hole through El Diablo every step of his way to the ring, the Challenger climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring, forcing the official to keep The RingMaster from attacking his opponent.
Mark Green: “Look at RingMaster – not wanting to wait any longer to get his hands on his opponent!”
With the four druids split up on each side of four sides of the ring, they simultaneously set the bottom rope ablaze with their torches, then the middle rope and then finally the top rope.
Mark Green: “As the lights in the arena go up, and just looking at this spectacle is mesmerizing!’
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but this ring is now equally as dangerous as it is mesmerizing!”
Mark Green: “Dangerous indeed. One false move and you’ll get burned!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg – LITERALLY!”
Mark Green: “Now you’ll note that whereas the ropes are on the fire, the turnbuckles are not, which will allow for these two talented cruiserweights to still display their craft!”
As The RingMaster hands over his Cruiserweight Title to the referee, the official holds it up to signify that the gold is on the line.
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but they’ll have to be careful, because like I was saying, one false move and you can be in hot water!”
Mark Green: “It certainly adds new meaning to the term high risk maneuver! Well, as the druids leave ringside, the bell rings and not a moment to soon, seeing as how we’ve just about exhausted every fire analogy there is! So, as we start things out, it’s The RingMaster positioning his hands as if preparing to lock up in a test of strength or an elbow and collar tie-up, but NO! Instead, it’s just The RingMaster hammering away on El Diablo with fists of fury!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Look at him go! It’s as if he scrapped the idea of locking up with El Diablo and just said ‘Screw It! I’m going to make Diablo pay for what he did to me’!”
Mark Green: “…And The RingMaster’s doing just that – making El Diablo pay with every punch he throws! With Diablo now groggy, it’s The RingMaster backing off…only to come right back at him, SPEARING El Diablo to the mat and again pummeling on his fallen opponent with a flurry of lefts and rights!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Take it easy! Diablo doesn’t have to like that…and obviously neither does The Reverend, who’s looking on with concern!” Mark Green: “The RingMaster now – yanks El Diablo up to the mat, only to bring El Diablo with a standing vertical suplex and what goes up…”
Thomas Strona: “…Must go down! You got that right, dawg, as it’s The RingMaster sending El Diablo crashing down to the mat! This match has been all RingMaster thus far!”
Mark Green: “He certainly has El Diablo right where he wants him – lying prone on the mat!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, you’re going to have to incapacitate your opponent to some degree, if you’re going to successfully drag him to lit ropes and burn him!”
Mark Green: “Without any further ado, it’s The RingMaster now making his way up the turnbuckle!”
Thomas Strona: “HERE we go! Now this is where The RingMaster can get himself into trouble if he’s not careful!”
Mark Green: “Carefully making his way up to the top turnbuckle is The RingMaster, but WAIT A SECOND! Here comes The Reverend!”
Thomas Strona: “The RingMaster better look out, dawg!”
Mark Green: “Too late! It’s The Reverend nailing The RingMaster in the back with that loaded bible of his, knocking him off the top buckle and sending him crashing hard into the mat! That bastard!”
Thomas Strona: “Hey – there’s no rule against doing that! There’s no disqualifications in this one. Just one way to win and one way to lose and that’s to set your opponent on fire!”
Suddenly the crowd reacts with cheers, as Pablo Sanchez, Jr. comes rushing down to ringside!
Mark Green: “Wait! Here comes Pablo – The RngMaster’s tag team partner, giving chase now to The Reverend!”
Thomas Strona: “Run, Reverend! RUN!”
Mark Green: “As Pablo chases The Reverend down the aisle to the back, it’s The RingMaster clutching his knee in pain!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg! He really came down hard on that knee!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, it’s El Diablo finally coming around and quickly spots his opponent’s misfortune!”
Thomas Strona: “YEAH he does! Look at El Diablo getting to his feet and quickly going to work on The RingMaster’s knee, stomping on and kicking The RnigMaster’s knee with ruthless aggression!”
Mark Green: “El Diablo now – grabbing The RingMaster by the leg, but it’s The RingMaster – kicking El Diablo off of him, sending El Diablo DANGEROUSLY close to the flaming ropes behind him!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg! That could’ve turned out REALLY BAD for Diablo, but fortunately, he stayed out of harm’s way…and that may be JUST the wake-up call that El Diablo needed! As I was saying earlier, you really have to do a good job of incapacitating your opponent in a match of this nature! El Diablo just didn’t do a good job of that yet!”
Mark Green: “YET being the operative word, there, as it’s El Diablo again attacking The RingMaster’s knee! Kicking The RingMaster onto his stomach, it’s El Diablo now stomping a FEW firm boots to The RingMaster’s back and with The RingMaster instinctively reaching for his back in pain, it’s El Diablo taking hold of those arms and pulling up on them, keeping a firm boot on the small of The RingMaster’s back, all the while!”
Thomas Strona: “The RingMaster doesn’t have to like THAT, dawg!”
Mark Green: “Let’s not forget that this is only the FIRST of two matches that The RingMaster has to compete in tonight, as he’s scheduled to join Pablo Sanchez, Jr. in defending their Tag Team Titles against three other teams later on tonight!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but at this rate, I don’t know what kind of shape he’ll be in after this match is through…and if you don’t think that The Made Men and The Pitt Crew and Generation X aren’t seeing what Diablo has already done to The RingMaster’s knee and what he’s currently doing to his back, then you’re naively mistaken!”
Mark Green: “Shifting gears, it’s El Diablo now, crouching down now and locking The RingMaster in a boston crab!”
Thomas Strona: “Uh-oh, dawg! Look out! The RingMaster CERTAINLY doesn’t have to like THAT!”
Mark Green: “No he does not, because ordinarily, where you would reach for the ropes to break the hold or even for leverage, you CAN’T in a match like this, because the ropes are flaming hot!”
Thomas Strona: “You bring up a good point, dawg! I mean, WE at our broadcast table can feel the warmth of the flames, how HOT do you suppose it’s got to be getting for Diablo and The RingMaster inside the ring? Hell – even for the official, who hasn’t taken a beating in this one at all?!”
Mark Green: “Check out the determination on the part of The RingMaster! It’s going to take him simply overpowering his way out of this hold at this point and that is exactly what he’s trying to do here!”
Thomas Strona: “Wait a second, dawg! What’s The RingMaster doing?”
Mark Green: “It looks as if he’s realized that if he can make his way to the corner, which isn’t on fire, he might be able to power his way out of the Boston Crab!”
Thomas Strona: “Feeling the shift, dawg, look at El Diablo trying to cinch that Crab on good!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but perhaps in a FEWtile attempt! Listen to this crowd getting behind The RingMaster – and LOOK! Pablo Sanchez, Jr. returns to ringside to offer encouragement to his tag team partner!”
Thomas Strona: “HEY! What happened to The Reverend?”
Mark Green: “There’s no telling, but as Pablo gets the crowd to join him in cheering on The RingMaster, El Diablo’s getting frustrated, feeling his grip on The RingMaster slip away!”
Thomas Strona: “OH NO!”
Mark Green: “(Raising his voice in amazement over a cheering crowd) HE’S DONE IT!”
Thomas Strona: “I can’t believe it!”
Mark Green: “As The RingMaster uses the turnbuckles to get back up to his feet, it’s El Diablo backing up…but WAIT A SECOND! Diablo’s reaching into his tights!”
Thomas Strona: “Uh-oh! We’ve seen this before! The RingMaster doesn’t have to like what’s coming!”
Mark Green: “Pablo tries to warn him – BUT TO NO AVAIL! Down goes The RingMaster with a fireball to the face from El Diablo!”
Thomas Strona: “That’s what began this whole FEWd to begin with, dawg - the burned face The RingMaster suffered because of an El Diablo fireball! That’s why he started wearing a mask – to hide the scars!”
Mark Green: “Speaking of the mask, you can see the agony on the scarred face of The RingMaster, where part of his mask once was, you see his teeth clinched in agony!”
Thomas Strona: “Wow, dawg. I’m not exactly a fan of The RingMaster, but your heart has to go out to him right now!”
Mark Green: “Heartless, on the other hand is El Diablo! As The RingMaster drops down to his knees, holding on to his face, it’s El Diablo quickly scaling the turnbuckle right behind him, proud of his work!”
Thomas Strona: “Wait a second! What’s PABLO think he’s doing?!?”
Mark Green: “With Diablo making his way to the top turnbuckle, it’s PABLO this time – climbing up the ring steps and pushing Diablo off the turnbuckles and sending him crashing into the ring! GOOD FOR HIM!”
Thomas Strona: “You can’t POSSIBLY CONDONE that?!”
Mark Green: “After seeing The Reverend push The RingMaster off the turnbuckle earlier, only to then have El Diablo throw a fireball in The RingMaster’s face, I think El Diablo got just what he deserved! Way to go, Pablo!”
Thomas Strona: “You’re unbelievable!”
Mark Green: “Somehow finding the will to go on, it’s The RingMaster now – calling for his piledriver finisher, he ironically calls The Smoke Bomb! As he sets Diablo up for his piledriver finisher, it’s Diablo DESPARATELY drying to fight it and HE DOES, countering with a back bodydrop and OH NO! The RingMaster’s foot just landed on the bottom rope!”
Thomas Strona: “…And THERE it goes up in flames!”
Mark Green: “DAMN IT! Immediately, the official calls for the bell and the ring crew quickly reaches for the fire extinguishers to put out the fire – in particular, The RingMaster’s boot!”
Thomas Strona: “Listen to The RingMaster crying out in pain!”
Gretchen Schwab: “Here is your winner of the match, and the NEW FEW Cruiserweight Champion…El Diablo!”
Mark Green: “As the official hands over the belt to El Diablo, raising him arm in victory, there’s quite a FEW officials and medics out here now, putting out the fire and tending to The RingMaster who really seems to be seriously hurt – between the fireball to the face and having his boot catch fire, with that boot providing little protection from his foot and those flames!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, he’s in bad shape, dawg!”
Mark Green: “With the ropes now extinguished, it’s El Diablo slipping out of the ring and out comes The Reverend to celebrate, but how anybody can be celebrating at a time like this is BEYOND ME!”
Medic: “We need to get him to a hospital!”
Mark Green: “You just heard the medic saying that they need to get The RingMaster to a hospital and that doesn’t surprise me, as ‘El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, SENIOR comes out to join Pablo, Jr. in attending to their fallen amigo, The RingMaster!”
Thomas Strona: “What does this do to the tag team title match later tonight?!?”
Mark Green: “You know, I don’t know and I don’t CARE right now! The RingMaster is seriously hurt and this crowd has gone deafly quiet, leaving just the blood curling screams of The RingMaster echoing throughout the arena.”
Thomas Strona: “As medics carefully help The RingMaster to the back, out comes The RingMaster’s longtime friend and former partner, The Joker, with a look of concern on his face and understandably so!”
Cameras follow the scene down the aisle and into the back, where the sirens of a waiting ambulance is heard.
Mark Green: “As The RingMaster is carefully escorted into the back of the ambulance, FEW President Jack Davis arrives on the scene!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr.: “(To The RingMaster) Don’t worry, amigo. I’m going to stay by your side!”
Jack Davis: “Actually, Pablo, I know the timing couldn’t be worse, but I’m going to need you to stay here!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr.: “What do you mean, Davis?! Can’t you see the pain that my amigo, The RingMaster is in?!?”
Jack Davis: “No, I do and definitely everybody’s heart goes out to him right now, but unfortunately I’m left in the undesirable position of seeing to it that the show must go on tonight, so this is what I’ve decided to do. Fearing this could possibly happen, I’ve put a lot of thought into this and this is what I’ve come up with! In the condition that The RingMaster is in, there is no way he will be able to compete later on tonight, meaning that unfortunately I’m going to have to strip you two of the FEW Unified Tag Team Titles, leaving them up for grabs in what will now be a Triangle Match for the titles between The Made Men, The Pitt Crew and Generation X!”
“El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr.: “Oh, but Senor Davis, you just can’t! My son and The RingMaster worked so hard to win those titles!”
Jack Davis: “I’m sorry, but as the saying goes, even in The Big Top, the show must go on! HOWEVER, I’ve also decided that there should be ANOTHER triangle match tonight…that match being the Main Event – the HELL IN A CELL Match for the FEW Unified World Championship!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr. “Are you kidding me?!? TONIGHT?!?”
Jack Davis: “On the heels of your N64 Invitational Tournament win and considering the bad blood you ALSO have with both FREEK and The Champion, Austin Walker, I’m putting you in the match as well! You’ve earned it!”
Medic: “(At the door of the ambulance) Folks, we need to move this along. Are you staying are going?”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr.: “But…”
The Joker: “(Climbing into the ambulance) I’LL go.”
“El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr.: “But Joker, what about The Three Team Rumble?!?”
The Joker: “Don’t worry about me, but Pablo…you can’t pass this up!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr: “It’s just that…”
The RingMaster: “(Fighting back his screams for just a FEW moments) Stay Pablo. Win it for me!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr.: “(Finally nodding in acceptance) Okay, I’ll stay.”
The Joker: “Don’t worry guys. I’ll keep you up to date and see you both there later on tonight!”
Medic: “(As he closes the door) Okay. We’re outta’ here!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr.: “(After a deep breath) For you, amigo….Austin Walker….FREEK…you’re not going to know what hit you!”
“El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr.: “Come on, mijo. We must go prepare!”
Pablo Sanchez, Jr. “(Taking a moment to look at the ambulance as it begins to depart) I know, Papa. I know.”
The father and son duo leave the scene as the camera pans out to catch the ambulance fleeing with sirens blaring on this dark, cold night in Michigan.
Cameras cut back to the broadcast duo of Big Rob Tucker and Jim “The Mouth” McCoy.
Big Rob Tucker: “Could Davis be any LESS tactful?!? I mean, Pablo Sanchez, Jr. just watched his tag team partner get severely burned and then subsequently loaded in a waiting ambulance, for God’s sake and there’s Jack wasting no time in stripping Pablo and The RingMaster of their FEW Unified Tag Team Titles!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but don’t forget, Tuck, that he just put young Pablo in the match of his life with The FEW Unified World Title at stake!”
Big Rob Tucker: “A HELL in the CELL match against FREEK and the FEW Unified World Champion, Austin Walker! How’s he supposed to prepare for that in a moment’s notice, when his mind is clearly elsewhere!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Well, ‘El Presidente’ needs to help him get his head in the game, because this could be his big chance! Whereas, FREEK and Austin have been preparing for each other, neither one of them have been preparing to face Pablo, Jr.!”
Big Rob Tucker: “And vice versa, so I think it’s a wash! Talk about CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE, not only do we now have Pablo in The Main Event, but The FEW Unified Tag Team Titles are now up for grabs in what is now a TRIANGLE match pitting Generation X, The Made Men and The Pitt Crew up against one another!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Meanwhile, we have Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves taking YOUR crippled spot and with Joker now gone, I guess you can pencil ‘The Better Man” Shaun Borders into his spot.”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, we’re told that despite an attack at the hands of Tantrum earlier this evening, Havva Kegonite’s not letting anybody take his spot. He ain’t dead yet, so he’s a go! (Suddenly, Big Rob is seen listening in to his headset) Folks, I’m told we have our own Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez standing by with the FEW President Jack Davis with the latest on The Three Rings Of Hell battle royal. Take it away, Gabe!”
Cameras cut to the back to show Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez alongside FEW President Jack Davis.
Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez: “Mr. Davis, is it true that you’ve removed the teams of The Made Men and The Pitt Crew from the Three Rings Of Hell battle royal.”
Jack Davis: “That is correct. I didn’t think it was fair that Generation X would be the only one of the three teams going into the Triangle Match for the FEW Unified Tag Team Titles without having to wrestle earlier in the evening, so I removed the four from the battle royal!”
Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez: “So, who do you have filling in for those four individuals?”
Jack Davis: “Well, as you already know, I had Gabriel ‘The Icepick” Nieves filling in for the injured Big Rob Tucker, and having already agreed to let ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders in the battle royal, I made room for him by letting The Joker go to the hospital with The RingMaster. I would’ve let Pablo Sanchez, Jr. go, too, but I had bigger plans in store for him. Speaking of Pablo and to finally get to your question, Gabriel, as much as I’m sure “El Presidente” would rather help his son strategize for that big Main Event we’ve got scheduled, I just sent Brent Bell to recruit him and “Archaic” Roman Kennedy, who was here to witness The Finals of The King of the Death Match Tournament and Roman will be the first to tell you that he’s always up for a fight.”
Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez: “Okay, so Kennedy and Presidente fill up two of the four spots you opened up when you removed The Made Men and The Pitt Crew from the battle royal, but what about the other two spots.”
Jack Davis: “Unfortunately, I don’t have names to give you at this time for those last two spots, but rest assured, I have Brent Bell filling those spots, as we speak.”
Gabriel “Lowdown” Lopez: “Well, there you have it folks. With The Three Rings Of Hell battle royal just a FEW moments away now, it sounds like FEW President Jack Davis it out to make it a battle royal that we’re not soon to forget! Back to you guys…”
The camera cuts back to a shot of the broadcast duo of Big Rob Tucker and Jim “The Mouth” McCoy.
Big Rob Tucker: “It’ll be interesting to see who Brent Bell fills in those last two spots. Speaking of interesting, the way The Three Rings of Hell battle royal will be unique this year, in that each of the participants will draw a number at random between ONE and THIRTY and that will be the order in which they come to the ring. As they come down to ringside, they will then get to choose which ring they want to begin the contest in, so as long as there are not already ten participants in the ring. If so, they will have to choose a different ring, until all three rings are full. So with that in mind, let’s send things over to our Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab…”
The camera switches to a shot of Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “It is now time for The Three Rings Of Hell, Battle Royal!”
The crowd pops in anticipation.
Gretchen Schwab: “The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope and onto the arena floor. The last man remaining will be declared the winner. Now, introducing the first competitor!”
”Born In The U.S.A.” by Bruce Sprngsteen is cued up throughout the arena, bringing a positive response from the crowd in attendance.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #1…he weighs in at 230 pounds and hails from Austin, Texas…please welcome one half of The Hometown Heroes, Joe Jackson!”
As Joe Jackson emerges and makes his way down the aisle, slapping the hands of fans along the way, cameras cut to a shot of the broadcast team of Jerry Lawson and “Slick” Rick Jones.
Jerry Lawson: “As Joe Jackson, or ‘Shoeless’ Joe Jackson, he is sometimes referred to, in reference to the famous baseball player, makes his way to the ring. Ring Number One, for all intents and purposes, will be the ring closest to the aisle the wrestlers will be entering down. That will be the Ring, ‘Slick’ Rick Jones and I will be keeping an eye on. Behind Ring Number One are the two other rings, positioned side by side. The ring to the left is Ring Number Two and Mark Green and Thomas Strona will be keeping an eye on that ring for you. This leaves, of course, the ring to the right, or Ring Number Three, which will be looked after by Big Rob Tucker and Jim “The Mouth” McCoy! With that settled, after placing his cowboy hat on the head of a female fan here at ringside, it looks as if Participant Number One is going to start off in Ring Number One. Seems appropriate enough.”
Joe’s music fades out and is replaced by “The Devil Inside” by INXS drawing a fair number of jeers from the crowd.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #2…he weighs in at 297 pounds and hails from Haite Ashbury, California…he is one half of Extreme Venom…’Black Venom’ Jack Devillin!”
Jerry Lawson: “As Jack Devillin makes his way down to ringside, with that sinister grin on his face, I suspect considering the bad blood between The Hometown Heroes and Extreme Venom, that Devillin will be joining Joe Jackson in Ring Number One. While we wait for that answer, we just saw Joe Jackson came down to ringside. What chance to do you give ‘Shoeless’ Joe?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “To win this or to keep his boots on? I give him a better chance than his partner, Rob Williams, I guess, but overall, in an every man for himself environment like a battle royal, I think tag team specialists who are used to relying on their partner, come in at a disadvantage and aren’t favored to win.”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, how about ‘Black Venom’ Jack Devillin? How do you see him faring?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I think that Devillin could fare very well in this type of environment!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, he’s part of the Extreme Venom tag team with ‘The Extremist’ Terry Roberts. Isn’t he not favored then for the same reason Joe Jackson isn’t favored?”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Well, Devillin didn’t start off as a tag team wrestler, so he’s still got that killer instinct it takes to win a match like this!”
Jerry Lawson: “Sure enough, it’s Devillin slithering his way into Ring Number One with Joe Jackson and Devillin staring holes through one another.
Officials are quick to warn the two to wait until the match begins before so much as laying a hand on one another!”
As Devillin music fades, all ears are on Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #3-“
The lights go out and the fans pop, as the sounds of a bass kick in, obviously the opening to Rage Against the Machine's "Killing In the Name Of", prompting the fans to let out another cheer and begin to clap along to the beat. The lights in the arena flash green almost strobe flashes in different spots in the arena, for what feels like an eternity, until the voice of one Zack De La Rocha kicks in:
“KILLING IN THE NAME OF!”
Then BOOM! Green pyro shoots off as the FEW Video Wall lights up with the shot of the Anarchy Association toasting with the infamous green Rolling Rock Bottles. The cheer for the shot is loud, but when the spotlight kicks in, it gets even louder, as we now see a heavily bandaged "Das Beerman" Havva Kegonite, chugging a bottle of Rolling Rock to a finish, only to then smash it right onto the ramp. Havva gingerly makes his way down the ramp, with the fans singing along with every word of the theme music.
Gretchen Schwab: “Hailing from Berlin, Germany and weighing in at 315 pounds, representing The Anarchy Association, he is one third of the FEW 6-Man Tag Team Champions…’Das Beerman’ Havva Kegonite!”
The broadcast duo of Big Rob Tucker and Jim “The Mouth” McCoy chime in.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Veering right of Ring Number One, it looks as if ‘Das Beerman’ Havva Kegonite is going to get things started over here in Ring Number Three!”
Big Rob Tucker: “I’m a big fan of Havva and at first, I thought that this would be a good chance for Havva maybe to take the next step in stepping out of his brother Tappa’s shadow, but in the condition that he’s in, thanks to an attack on him by The Legacy of Pain, he enters this battle royal with a HUGE target on his back-“
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “…And his ribs…and his knees.”
Big Rob Tucker: “I commend Havva for showing the courage and intestinal fortitude to compete in the condition he’s in!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “You call it courage. I call it stupidity! He’s toast!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Speaking of toast, it’s Havva climbing up one of the corners in Ring Three, pointing and toasting to anyone with a bottle of Rolling Rock in their hands!”
Havva’s music fades and again, Gretchen Schwab takes over.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #4…weighing in at 230 pounds and hailing from Albany, New York, representing the Original Cult Of Personality and being accompanied to the ring by The Reverend, he is one half of the tag team Hellbound…’Psycho’ Steve Simmons!”
The lights in the arena go out once more and are replaced by a dim red hue as the eerie howling of wolves slowly segways in “Cult Of Personlity” by Living Color.
Upon veering left and making his way to Ring Number Two, the team of Mark Green and Thomas Strona chime in.
Mark Green: “As ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons makes his way to Ring Number Two, he could be a wild card in a match like this. He, of course, once was a part of the Pulp Fiction tag team with Dan ‘The Man’ Logan. Nowadays, he takes El Diablo’s place in the Hellbound tag team with Maudite, leaving El Diablo to pursue individual endeavors in the Cruiserweight Ranks!”
Thomas Strona: “A good decision, dawg, as evidenced by Diablo winning the Cruiserweight Title for the SECOND time, earlier tonight, with a win over The RingMaster!”
Mark Green: “It wasn’t so much a win as it was a robbery, if you ask me! By the way folks, we have no new information to give you on The RingMaster’s condition, but we will be sure to pass along any news we get on his condition, should we hear anything. What do you think of ‘Psycho’ Steve’s chances. As I said, I, for one, see him as being a possible sleeper to win this. What do you think?”
Thomas Strona: “My first instinct is to piggyback on what ‘Slick’ was saying about tag team wrestlers and Simmons is the epitome of that in being the tag team specialist that he is! I would add, however, that with wrestlers being able to choose what ring they start in, we’re likely to see entire stables in the same ring, giving them an advantage over those wrestlers without as many partners or allies!”
As Simmons enters Ring Two, The Reverend begins to leave ringside, the lights in the arena come back on, the music fades and again all eyes turn to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #5…weighing in at 230 pounds and hailing from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, accompanied to the ring by Pretty Hate Machine…he is ‘Mr. Attitude’ Levi Ash!”
“It’s Electric” by Metallica is cued up throughout the arena, and out comes Levi, with a steel chair in one hand and the hand of the well endowed Pretty Love Machine, adorned in her usual thigh high silk blue dress to match the blue streaks in her blonde hair, in his other hand.
After officials wrestle away the chair from “Mr. Attitude” Levi Ash and send Pretty Hate Machine to the back, Levi doesn’t hesitate to enter Ring Number One.
Jerry Lawson: “We just heard Thomas talk about stables of wrestlers having an advantage over wrestlers without such allies or tag team partners to rely on and that’s Levi Ash for you. Already an enemy of The Hometown Heroes and now a former member of Incarnate, he’s got nobody to rely on but himself.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “No wonder he put up such a fight in giving up his steel chair!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, he used to be tag team partners with ‘The Extremist’ Terry Roberts and they were known as Extreme Attitude, but that tag team as well as Levi’s alliance with Incarnate in general, has since ended!”
As Levi steps into Ring Number One, a three way staredown ensues between Joe Jackson, Jack Devillin and Levi Ash.
As Levi’s music fades, all ears focus in on the voice of Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #6…weighing in at 245 pounds and hailing from Parts Unknown, he is SCAR!”
“Y.M.C.A.” by The Village People is cued up throughout the arena and whereas the crowd cheers and many begin singing along and do the Y.M.C.A. letter gestures, SCAR makes a B-line for Ring Number One.
Jerry Lawson: “Usually, the music seems fitting when SCAR comes out with Allan Degeneres and Dan Heche, but with the bodyguard and alleged former prisoner of war, SCAR, coming out here by himself, the music just doesn’t seem fitting, does it?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I’d watch it if I were you – calling SCAR an ALLEGED former prisoner of war! Ask SCAR and he’ll tell you all about how The Sarge ignored the creed of leaving no man behind and left SCAR to be imprisoned by enemy troops!”
Jerry Lawson: “That’s his story, anyway, but The Sarge has denied it from Day One, so it becomes an issue of who do you believe?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It depends who’s in ear shot.”
As SCAR enters Ring One, along with Joe Jackson, Jack Devillin and Levi Ash, his entrance music fades out and again all ears listen intently to Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #7….weighing in at 245 pounds and hailing from San Francisco, California….Allan Degeneres!”
In a déjà vu moment, the crowd gets to their feet in cheer, as once again, “Village People” is cued up throughout the arena.
Jerry Lawson: “Well, for those of you who didn’t get their fill and apparently some of this capacity crowd didn’t, it’s The Village People once more, as Allan Degeneres makes his way to the ring, dressed as the cop from The Village People!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I’m afraid to know where that knight stick he’s carrying has been!”
Allan Degeneres: “(Winking at the official he gladly hands it over to) Keep it for as long as you wish.”
Jerry Lawson: “To nobody’s surprise, it’s Allan Degeneres joining SCAR in Ring Number One. With those two, Joe Jackson, Jack Devillin and Levi Ash, Ring Number One is already half full!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Allan looks SO brave standing behind SCAR there!”
As Allan’s music fades, Gretchen Schwab moves on to the next introduction.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #8-“
As the fans eagerly await who’s next to come out, the lights in the arena slowly begin fading...
Fading...
Fading...
Blackness!
The building is engulfed in a cloud so dark that one cannot see their own hand in front of their face - but through the darkness you hear noises. The sound of footprints scampering across concrete - the sound of countless keys clanking against the leg of someone as they walk - and the sound of a solid steel door creaking open. But above all that you hear the strains of Nine Inch Nails "Head Like A Hole" as it slowly fades into the sound system:
“Bow down before the one you serve”
“You're going to get what you deserve”
“ Bow down before the one you serve”
“You're going to get what you deserve”
As the beat of the song begins to pick up its pace, giant green laser lights appear from the floor of the arena, and rocket towards the sky. Standing vertical and side by side, like toy soldiers, the lasers give the effect of a giant prison cell. In the minimal light provided by the lighting, a figure walks through the fog filled tunnel, and giant screen flashes the words that make his identity known to all.
! ! ! E X C E S S I V E F O R C E ! ! !
As the words in bright shining steel hit the front of the FEW Video Wall, a loud pyrotechnic explosion shakes the rafters of the building, returning the lights to full power as "Excessive Force" Eric Vanguard stands in the tunnel - his trademark black nightstick held high for everyone to see. With a sneer of pure disdain on his unkempt chin, Vanguard starts to stalk heavily down the aisle and towards the ring, paying no attention to the jeering of the capacity crowd.
“God money I'll do anything for you”
“God money just tell me what you want me to”
“God money nail me up against the wall”
“God money don't want everything he wants it all”
“No, you can't take it”
“No, you can't take it”
“No, you can't take that away from me”
“No, you can't take it”
“No, you can't take it”
“No, you can't take that away from me”
Picking up his pace to the beat of the music, the former prison guard breaks into a sprint towards the ring. As he runs down the rampway, his long black leather jacket trails behind him in the breeze. Exchanging sneers with Allan Degeneres, he moves right on past Ring Number One, where Allan is watching on from. Glancing around at the shimmering flashbulbs he leaps up to the second rope of Ring Number Three and throws both hands in the air - drawing the ire of the fans, as officials incessantly demand he hand over the knightstick.
“Head like a hole”
“Black as your soul”
“I'd rather die”
“Than give you control”
“Head like a hole”
“Black as your soul”
“I'd rather die”
“Than give you control”
Gretchen Schwab: “Weighing in at 272 pounds and hailing from Los Angeles, California, representing The Legacy of Pain, he is ‘Excessive Force’ Eric Vanguard!”
Finally, Vanguard places a foot on the top rope and steps up and over the ropes, tossing his nightstick to the canvas, as he drops towards the ground himself. With anger in each and every stride Vanguard makes his way across the ring and flips off a couple of the ringside fans, when suddenly the familiar voice of Jack Davis is heard.
Jack Davis: “NO, NO, NO! Stop the music!”
Almost instantly, the music is halted, as officials retrieve Vanguard’s knightstick off the canvas.
Jack Davis: “I don’t know who you think you are, but you’ve caused enough trouble here tonight! Not only are you not wanted here, but you’re not welcome here! I don’t know what makes you think I’d let you back in the building, let alone participate in The Three Rings Of Hell!”
“That would be MY doing.”
All eyes turn to the FEW Video Wall, where Brent Bell is seen addressing Davis and the crowd from the backstage area.
Brent Bell: “You told me to fill those two open spots, so I did!”
Jack Davis: “With guys on the roster, you idiot! Not with renegades who threaten FEW’s very existence like ERIC VANGUARD!”
Cameras show a smirking Vanguard splitting his attention between Davis, the FEW Video Wall and the man with him in Ring Three – “Das Beerman” Havva Kegonite, seen gritting his teeth with vengeance in his eyes.
Jack Davis: “Tell me you didn’t give the other spot to TANTRUM!”
On as if on cue, John Eibach, “The Manmade Natural Disaster” Tantrum, Lady Die and “The Better Man” Shaun Borders are seen walking into the picture, backstage beside Brent Bell, as seen on the FEW Video Wall.
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “(With a smirk) So much for your whole TWENTY NINE men on ONE plan to eliminate me!”
As the reception from the back is lost, a fuming Jack Davis storms off.
Big Rob Tucker: “FEW things in life are as gratifying as seeing Jack Davis continuously finding ways to top the worst day of his life!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “My only question now is what’s happened to ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen?”
Big Rob Tucker: “I don’t know, but I’m afraid to find out.”
With the crowd now buzzing, Gretchen Schwab continues on with the introductions.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #9…weighing in at 225 pounds and hailing from Austin, Texas…he is one half of The Hometown Heroes…Rob Williams!”
“Born In The U.S.A.” by Bruce Springsteen is once again cued up throughout the arena, bringing the crowd to their feet.
Rob Williams emerges from the crowd, and like his partner before him, slaps the hands of the fans along the aisle and gives his cowboy hat away but to a different female seated at ringside, before sliding into Ring Number One, alongside his partner, Joe Jackson.
Jerry Lawson: “So, with The Hometown Heroes now intact in Ring Number One, Allan Degeneres isn’t the only one with somebody to watch his back!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “…And thanks to Brent Bell, it looks like The Legacy of Pain have a chance to play the power by numbers game in this battle royal!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah and needless to say, Jack Davis isn’t happy about it!”
Gretchen Schwab keeps the introductions coming.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #10…weighing in at 180 pounds and hailing from Parts Unknown, he is ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown.
“There Goes The Neighborhood” by Bodycount is cued up throughout the arena as FEW’s part time referee, part time wrestler, comes out not in his black and white striped official’s shirt, but rather in all black, including a black trench coat and black sunglasses.
Mark Green: “It looks as if we’ve got ourselves another competitor in the ring closest to us – Ring Number Two. Brown, who has no particular FEWds with anybody currently out here at the moment, joins ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons in the ring nearest us.”
Thomas Strona: “I don’t know if I’d necessarily want to enter the ring alone with a guy nicknamed ‘Psycho’, but then again, dawg, ‘The Punisher’ is pretty fearless and not afraid to stand up to anybody in FEW, as we see on a regular basis when he officiates matches!”
As Brown’s music fades, Gretchen Schwab is given her cue to announce the next wrestler.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #11…weighing in at 255 pounds and hailing from Detroit, Michigan, he is the FEW Hardcore Champion…’Archaic’ Roman Kennedy!”
The crowd pops big for Roman as “Brainstew” by Green Day is cued up throughout the arena but nobody emerges from the entrance area.
Big Rob Tucker: “Where’s Roman? You don’t suppose that The Legacy of Pain has struck again, do you?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I don’t know. He DID stick his nose in their business earlier on!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Wait a second! Here he comes – from among the crowd! He does pride himself in being a peoples champion, somebody who fights for the fans!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Here’s a question for you. What ring do you think he chooses? The ring with longtime arch rival, ‘Black Venom’ Jack Devillin or the ring with Havva Kegonite and The Legacy of Pain’s Eric Vanguard in it?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, as he hops over the railing, he exchanges glares with Devillin in Ring Number One, but it looks as if he’s going to join Havva and Vanguard in the ring nearest us – Ring Number Three! Suddenly, Eric Vanguard’s outnumbered by people that don’t exactly have him on their Christmas Card List!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but there are NINETEEN more participants yet to be announced and SEVEN spots available in Ring Number Three, here, and TWO of those participants are Legacy of Pain members!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, then, that only leaves SEVENTEEN more participants who The Legacy of Pain have declared war on, here, tonight!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Oh yeah. Good point.”
As Roman’s music fades, Gretchen wastes no time in introducing the next participant.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #12…weighing in at 248 pounds and hailing from Birmingham, Alabama…Governor Oliver Prescott!”
The crowd jeers as “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd is cued up throughout the arena.
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t know which ring The Governor is going to choose, but odds are it’ll be the one “Mr. Cool” Scotty Henderson targets once HE gets introduced!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That’s assuming there’s ROOM left in the ring G.O.P. chooses! If he goes in Ring Number One, it just may fill up before Henderson can get out here!”
Jerry Lawson: “Wow. In a surprising turn of events, it looks as if he’s going to join Havva Kegonite, Roman Kennedy and Eric Vanguard in Ring Number Three. With that in mind, let’s hand things over to Big Rob Tucker and Jim ‘The Mouth’ McCoy. Guys, what’s your take on that decision?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Simply put, I think Prescott spotted the crippled Havva Kegonite and perhaps feels he has an easy elimination there!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Even if he DOES make quick work of Havva, do you really want to be in the line of fire should Ring Three become the war zone between The Legacy of Pain and the unholy alliance of Roman Kennedy and The Anarchy Association?!?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Havva’s all that The Anarchy Association has left! ‘Luke Warm’ was arrested and ‘The Jester’ apparently was sent on a wild goose chase!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Maybe it’s for the better considering the condition he was in when we last saw him!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but I don’t know if I’d want to draw the ire of Chad Allen any more than what we’ve already seen tonight!”
After cautiously entering Ring Number Three, Prescott’s music fades and Gretchen Schwab resumes the introductions.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #13, weighing in at 260 pounds and hailing from The Financial District of Manhattan by way of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, he is ‘The Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie!”
“Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” by Prong is cued up throughout the arena, bringing a strong heel pop to the crowd, as ‘The Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie makes his way to the ring, with his patented steel briefcase in tow.
Jerry Lawson: “Lucky Number THIRTEEN goes to Marshall Carnegie!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Marshall didn’t get to be the success that he is by being superstitious like you, Lawson! Besides, Marshall’s got a chip on his shoulder, he’s got something to prove, after being snubbed in the King of the Death Match tournament!”
Mark Green: “It looks as if he’s going to be making his mark on OUR ring, though, guys as Marshall’s joining ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown and ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons of the Original Cult Of Personality in Ring Number Two!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, and it’s a logicial choice! Carnegie’s FEWd with Mace makes him a natural enemy of The Cult and his association with Will Fair has him on ‘The Punisher’s radar as well!”
Mark Green: “Julian Brown now, insisting that fellow referees take Carnegie’s steel briefcase away from Marshall and reluctantly hands it over.”
“The Capitalist” Marshall Carnegie: “(To the official) Don’t even THINK about opening it and don’t let it out of your sight! You hear me?!”
The official nods, as Carnegie turns his attention back to his foes in Ring Two. As Carnegie’s music fades, Gretchen resumes her ring announcing duties.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #14…weighing in at 402 pounds…from Detroit, Michigan, now residing in Halifax, Nova Scotia…representing The Legacy of Pain, he is ‘The Manmade Natural Disaster’ Tantrum!”
“I Stand Alone” by Jackyl is cued up throughout the arena drawing a monster heel pop from the capacity crowd as Tantrum emerges from the back with a look of disdain on his face.
Big Rob Tucker: “HERE WE GO! Any chance he WON’T be joining the men we see in Ring Three, McCoy?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Maybe The Legacy of Pain will split up and leave their mark on ALL THREE rings!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Very unlikely. Power by numbers is the M.O. of The Legacy of Pain…and sure enough, here he comes, passing up the other two rings for Ring Number Three, here!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “You’ve got to figure that The Governor’s seriously starting to question his decision right about now!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Maybe so, but odds are The Legacy of Pain will be targeting Roman and Havva first!”
As Tantrum joins Vangaurd’s side in Ring Three, Tantrum’s music fades and Gretchen hits the halfway point of her ring introductions.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #15…weighing in at 241 pounds and hailing from The Los Angeles State Penitentiary…Gabriel ‘The Icepick’ Nieves!”
The sounds of a cell being opened, shortly followed by an escaped prisoner alarm is heard as Gabriel comes storming out from the back, making a B-line right for Ring Three.
Big Rob Tucker: “Here comes Gabriel Nieves, ‘The Icepick’, if you will, wasting NO TIME making his way to Ring Number Three, here and it’s officials now, quickly having to come between Nieves and The Legacy of Pain!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Wow and they’re not even the Legacy of Pain members that Nieves hates the most. That honor goes to ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders, who has yet to be announced! What kind of fireworks will we see when THOSE two finally square off?!”
The alarm sound fades and Gretchen Schwab begins the second half of the battle royal participant introductions.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #16…weighing in at 313 pounds and hailing from The East Side of Detroit, Michigan…Bo HeMyth!”
Bo comes out to a monster heel pop, as "Welcome to Detroit" by Eminem and Trick Trick is cued up.
Jerry Lawson: “Out comes Bo HeMyth and what the behemoth he is! No doubt he’ll be looking to get a piece of Tappa Kegonite, here, tonight!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but I don’t think Tappa wants anything to do with Bo HeMyth! Tappa knows he’s past his prime and so does Bo!”
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t know about all that, but I do know that Bo’s making his way to Ring Three, which continues to sport some pretty big names. Rob Tucker, Jim McCoy, what do you two make of Bo’s choice to start in Ring Three.”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, Tappa’s brother, Havva, and Tappa’s close ally, Shane Wilson both find themselves on The Legacy of Pain’s hit list, so joining Havva, Vanguard and Tantrum in Ring Three, might draw Shane Wilson and if Bo has his way, Tappa Kegonite to Ring Three with him!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I think we’d be remiss to mention all the hardcore tapes and such that Bo studied in the weeks leading up to The King of the Death Match tournament. Sure, he may have came up short, but just think of all the sick and twisted ways he’s came up with to inflict pain on Tappa Kegonite not if, but WHEN he gets the chance and that just might be tonight!”
As Bo enters Ring Three, locking eyes with Havva Kegonite, his music fades and the attention again returns to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #17…representing the Original Cult Of Personality…weighing in at 253 pounds and hailing from a state of distress, accompanied to the ring by The Reverend, he is one half of the tag team Hellbound…he is Maudite!”
As the lights go out and a dim red hue falls over the arena in its place, the eerie howling of wolves is heard throughout the arena and quickly fades into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color to a heel response.
Mark Green: “As The Reverend leads the way for Maudite, we’re going to go ahead and make a safe assumption that we’ll be seeing The Reverend lead Maudite to our ring – Ring Number Two – where Maudite will be united with his Hellbound tag team partner – ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons!”
Thomas Strona: “I think it’s a safe assumption, dawg! Much like The Legacy of Pain, The Reverend and the O.C.O.P. are all about power by numbers and that can only spell trouble for the individuals in Ring Two already – ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown and especially one of The Cult’s major arch rivals – ‘The Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie! They don’t have to like that, dawg!”
As Maudite enters Ring Number Two, as expected, The Reverend again leaves ringside, the music slowly fades and the lights in the arena return to normal, turning the attention back to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #18…weighing in at 386 pounds and hailing from Citidad Victoria, Mexico, he is ‘El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, Sr.!”
“Para Isla” by Myzery is cued up throughout the arena as a seemingly distracted Pablo Sanchez, Sr. makes his way down to ringside.
Mark Green: “Staying with the call, here, I think the safe assumption here is that, though obviously distracted, considering the injury to his son’s ally and tag team partner – The RingMaster – not to mention, having his son being thrown into a Hell in the Cell match with Austin Walker and FREEK at the last moment, we can expect ‘El Presidente’ to be making his way to Ring Number Two to get his hands on the Cult.”
Thomas Strona: “Good call, dawg. He certainly IS coming this way. My only question is how well he’s going to be able to concentrate considering his mind has got to be elsewhere, as you just mentioned!”
Mark Green: “Time will tell, but if he can somehow manage to stay focused, he’s going to be a force to be reckoned with, weighing in at 386 pounds!”
Upon climbing into Ring Two, ‘El Presidente’s music fades and the attention returns to the busiest woman in the company, Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #19…representing The Legacy of Pain…weighing in at 221 pounds and hailing from The Legacy of Pain, he weighs in at 221 pounds and hails from San Antonio, Texas…he is ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders!”
As “You (Not Me)” by Dream Theater is cued up to a monster heel pop, Shaun emerges from the back, wearing a three quarter length royal blue hooded robe that has both silver trim and "The Better Man" written across the back in the silver flames. The robe is untied, showing off his sculpted abs.
Big Rob Tucker: “Following your cue, Mark, we’re going to go ahead and pick up on this ring entrance, because I think it’s safe to say we’ll be seeing ‘The Better Man’ join his Legacy of Pain comrades in chaos in our ring – Ring Number Three!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Well, EVENTUALLY. It looks as if ‘The Better Man’ has spotted Bradley Waubash in the crowd and has taken the time to get in his face.”
‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders: “You obviously didn’t know that I was going to be here because you’re far too egotistical to be present as I start to tear down your legacy!”
Bradley Waubash: “You couldn’t lace my boots.”
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “Big talk coming from somebody who was seriously BITCH SLAPPED just a FEW segments ago! I’m sure winning this Three Rings of Hell battle royal win – something you never accomplished COMBINED with my Three Team Rumble win will no doubt put me in line for a World Title Shot, where I will not only will but will no doubt go on to put your Longest World Title Reign in FEW history to shame. Why? Simply because I, Shaun Borders, am ‘The Better Man’!”
Bradley Waubash: “Talk is cheap. Besides, you’re forgetting the big tournament win I had to win the title to begin with. Oh, that’s right. You HAD a chance to win a tournament of that magnitude not too long ago and couldn’t even get past GRUNGE!”
Turning red in the face, Borders suddenly finds himself separated from Bradley Waubash by a plethora of officials who are able to reluctantly get Borders to choose a ring and as predicted, Borders joins his Legacy of Pain members in Ring Number Three, turning his attention from Waubash to Gabriel Nieves.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Look at Nieves! He’s practically foaming at the mouth with anticipation of getting his hands on Borders!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Easier said than done with both Tantrum and Vanguard looking out for Borders. Besides, Borders would love nothing more than to make an example of Nieves and take out the aggression Bradley just brought out in him on ‘The Icepick’, since Waubash is only here to watch, no longer an active competitor in FEW!”
Borders finally in Ring Number Three, his music fades and the attention returns to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #20…weighing in at 227 pounds and hailing from Los Angeles, California…he is ‘Mr. Cool’ Scotty Henderson!”
The introduction of “Mr. Cool” immediately gains the attention of his archrival, Governor Oliver Prescott, as his eyes open wide and he gestures as if ready to fight, but seeming a little fidgety.
Meanwhile, the FEW Video Wall displays MR. COOL in black on a blue background, which bounces around the screen actively as “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” by Jet begins to play throughout the arena.
“Mr. Cool” Scotty Henderson emerges from behind the curtains, arms outstretched, smiling and playing to the crowd. He pauses at the top of the ramp and poses in a flex, as a burst of pyrotechnics erupts behind him. He continues down the aisle slapping the hands of fans, as various clips from prior wrestling matches are shown on the screen, including various shots of him showboating in the ring.
Big Rob Tucker: “Suffice to say, I think we know which ring ‘Mr. Cool’ is going to be headed to, whether G.O.P. likes it or not.”
”Mr. Cool” makes his way down the aisle to ringside and takes away the mic from Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
“Mr. Cool” Scotty Henderson: “(To Gretchen) Call me later.”
Gretchen blushes and “Mr. Cool” turns his attention to the three rings in front of him.
“Mr. Cool” Scotty Henderson: “Eany, meany, miney, mo…catch The Colonel (suddenly pointing at G.O.P.), by his…well…I’m not so sure I’d want to touch his toe, but I’d sure like to ask The Colonel about his original chicken recipe of herbs and spices!”
Cameras zoom in on a fuming Governor Oliver Prescott, as the fans begin chanting:
“COLONEL! COLONEL!”
“Mr. Cool” gestures with his arms to keep up the chant, as he hands back the mic and climbs the ring steps into Ring Number Three. He steps a leg through the ropes and stops, cupping a hand to his ear, as he pans the crowd, listening to the cheers, before climbing through the ropes, running to the opposite end of and climbing the turnbuckle and raising one fist in the air, before dropping down, before G.O.P. can get in a cheap shot.
Big Rob Tucker: “G.O.P. backs off and rightfully so, as this match hasn’t started!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but Scotty just had these fans chanting ‘COLONEL! COLONEL!’ He HATES being called that!”
As “Mr. Cool”s music fades, the attention once again shifts to a still blushing Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #21…weighing in at 245 pounds – just like Allan Degeneres…and hailing from San Francisco, California – just like Allan Degeneres…he is Dan ‘The Fan’ Heche!”
“Y.M.C.A.” by The Village People is cued up throughout the arena and a flamboyant Dan Heche comes skipping down to the ring, dressed like The Village People’s Indian.
Jerry Lawson: “So Allan’s the cop, Dan’s the Indian and SCAR’s sporting his military fatigues! I wonder if they showed up at the arena dressed like that!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “If so, just imagine the reaction if they got pulled over or when they stopped for gas!”
Jerry Lawson: “Dressed up or not, Allan and company seem to get attention wherever they go. With that in mind, let’s not underestimate their strength in numbers, as Dan makes his way into our ring – Ring Number One!“
As Dan’s music fades, Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab shakes her head in amused disbelief and continues the introductions.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #22…weighing in at 275 pounds and hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…Bill ‘The Iron Man’ Macragge!”
The crowd pops HUGE, as “Iron Man” By Black Sabbath is cued up throughout the arena and Bill Macragge emerges from the back, tapping his chest with his boxing glove covered fist and then pointing to The Heavens, in tribute to his late father.
Mark Green: “Listen to this reception for Pittsburgh’s favorite son, Bill ‘The Iron Man’ Macragge!”
Thomas Strona: “He may be their FAVORITE son, dawg, ‘The Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie would argue that he’s Pittsburgh’s BEST, having already beaten Macragge once!”
Mark Green: “Yeah – thanks to crooked referee Will Fair’s fast count – an act that put both Fair and Carnegie on not only Macragge’s bad side, but also on the bad side of part time wrestler, referee Julian ‘The Punisher’ Brown, who waits along with Carnegie in Ring Number Two, for Bill Macragge to join them!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…and you KNOW he will, because he has a score to setlle with Carnegie, whether Marshall likes it or not!”
Indeed, Macragge takes off the boxing gloves passed down to him by his late father and steps into Ring Two, alongside Julian ‘The Punisher’ Brown, biting his lip with Brown’s encouragement, despite licking his chops at the idea of laying into Carnegie!”
Mark Green: “Carnegie’s CLEARLY outnumbered in Ring Two with just about nothing but enemies between The Cult, Brown and especially Bill Macragge!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg and I’m sure ‘El Presidente’ isn’t too fond of him either!”
As Macragge steps into the ring, his music fades and, again, Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab is in the spotlight.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #23…weighing in at 310 pounds and hailing form Berlin, Germany…Tappa ‘Lights Out’ Kegonite!”
The crowd explodes into cheers as “Jump” by Van Halen is cued throughout the arena, much to the delight of Bo HeMyth.
Big Rob Tucker: “HERE we go! Listen to this crowd!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Better yet! Look at the face of Bo HeMyth! He KNOWS that there’s still room in Ring Three, here and he’s licking his chops, knowing that’ll finally get a chance to get his hands on Tappa!”
Jerry Lawson: “Not so fast guys! After making his way towards Ring Three, it looks as if Tappa has decided to venture into our ring – Ring Number ONE!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “What – is he AFRAID to step into the ring with Bo HeMyth?!? Listen, Lawson…even some of this capacity crowd is jeering that decision!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, he DOES have some beef with Incarnate and Jack Devillin’s already in there, as well as former Incarnate member Levi Ash and you have to figure Terry Roberts would also choose Ring Number Two, when announced-“
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Stop making excuses for him. He’s AFRAID of Bo HeMyth! First, he pulled out of his chance to face Bo in the King of the Death Match Tournament and now this! The FEW Hall of Famer is YELLOW and Bo’s fuming RED about it!”
Bo HeMyth: “GOD DAMN YOU, TAPPA, YOU COWARD!”
Tappa “Lights Out” Kegonite: “Think what you want, kid, but you’re out of my league! If you’re as good as you THINK you are, you’ll still be around when your ring is clear, because YOU KNOW I’ll be still around! SHOW ME that you’re WORTH my time and THEN we’ll do this!”
Jerry Lawson: “Maybe Tappa’s just trying to keep Havva out of his shadow!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “No. Tappa’s just chicken!”
Jerry Lawson: “If so, then it’s a good thing he’s not in Bo’s ring, because G.O.P. would probably try and cook him with his original recipe of herbs and spices!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Sure, make fun of The Colonel, but you won’t be laughing when you see Bo taking out his frustration on Tappa’s already injured brother, Havva, over this – and God help Shane Wilson if he chooses Ring Three!”
As Tappa’s music fades, some scattered jeers can still be heard as the attention reverts back to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #24…weighing in at 325 pounds and hailing from New Orleans, Louisiana, representing the Original Cult Of Personality…’The Master of the New Millennium’ Static Rule!”
The lights in the arena go out and are replaced by a dim red hue as the eerie howling of wolves are heard, fading into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color.
Mark Strona: “As Static Rule makes his way to ringside, you’ll notice that conspicuous by his absence is The Reverend! Though still considering himself a Cult member, it’s a Cult divided, ever since The Reverend double-crossed Static’s best friend FREEK and sided with his son, Austin Walker!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…unlike FREEK’s own brother, Mace Morgan…Static Rule has turned his back on The Reverend and the rest of the Cult, dawg…but I think his loyalty to FREEK has made Static a wanted man and I bet you that his defiance will ultimately cost him!”
Mark Strona: “Well, we won’t have to wait too long to see what repercussions await Static, if any, because, sure enough, he’s making his way, here, to Ring Number Two, where he’s not exactly chums with the likes of Marshall Carnegie or ‘El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, Sr.!”
As Static makes his way into the ring, the music fades out and the lights return to normal, bringing the attention back to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #25…weighing in at 275 pounds and hailing from ‘Oh So Horny’ Glen Burnie, Maryland…he is one third of the FEW 6-Man Tag Team Champions and a member of The Anarchy Association…’Luke Warm’ John White!”
The crowd roars with the loudest pop of the night as “Jump Around” by House of Pain is cued up throughout the arena and with the lights in the arena dimmed, a single red spotlight shines on the entranceway, as a montage of ‘Luke Warm’ John White highlights are shown on the FEW Video Wall – highlights of the winning moments of his career defining matches, many of which showing his opponents tapping out or leaving on stretchers, intermixed with footage of car crashes, train wrecks and bombsight footage.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I hear his music and I see the red spotlight, but I don’t see ‘Luke Warm’ John White!”
Big Rob Tucker: “(As the cheers of the crowd begin to turn into a murmur) That’s because he was taken downtown! Davis had him escorted out of the building for what he did to him! Davis warned him not to touch him but ‘Luke Warm’ couldn’t resist bashing a bottle of Rolling Rock over his head! It’s an abuse of power, Davis got just what he deserved if you ask me, but that doesn’t change the fact that ‘Luke Warm’s not here now to take part in the Three Rings of Hell!”
Suddenly Jack Davis is seen making his way into the red spotlight.
Jack Davis: “Cut the music! Cut the music…and could somebody please bring up the houselights?”
On cue, the lights return to normal and the music is stopped, making the chant of “ASSHOLE!” all the more audible.
Jack Davis: “That’s NO WAY to talk about ‘Luke Warm’! Then again, actually, it is! I TOLD him not to lay a finger on me or risk being thrown out of the building, but he chose not to listen and that gave me authority to do what I did!”
Suddenly the voice of Brent Bell is heard:
“Actually, you DIDN’T have the authority!”
All eyes suddenly turn the FEW Video Wall to see Brent Bell standing in the parking garage.
Jack Davis: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Brent Bell: “You see, Jack, the FEW Board of Directors agreed to reinstate you as President of FEW, upon your apology to ‘Luke Warm’ John White…one that you FAILED to make BEFORE you threatened him and BEFORE he chose not to heed your warning!”
Jack’s jaw is seen wide open, with his eyes showing a combination of shock and fear.
Brent Bell: “ Therefore, we were forced to drop all charges against him and even paid for his bail for assaulting Hell’s finest, so that he could be back here, tonight, in time for The Three Team Rumble!”
The crowd roars with the loudest pop of the night.
Brent Bell: “In fact…”
The camera on him pans out to show ‘Luke Warm’ John White standing there alongside a police car with the back door wide open, grinning, while clutching onto his trademarked Singapore cane.
Brent Bell: “…guess who’s here!”
”Luke Warm” John White: “Hey Jackie! See you in a FEW!”
Suddenly, “Luke Warm” is seen running off camera and the feed from the FEW Video Wall goes blank, leaving Davis in a state of panic.
Jack Davis: “DAMN IT BELL! I SURE hope you can still hear me, because YOU’RE FIRED!”
Suddenly, realizing he’s running out of time, Davis darts for the back…only to suddenly find himself walking backwards on stage, in front of an arriving ‘Luke Warm’ John White, much to the delight of the crowd.
Jack Davis: “Look, John! I just want you to know that I am truly, honestly and from the bottom of my heart, SORRY!”
“Luke Warm” John White: “Not as sorry as you’re GOING to be!”
At that, Davis high-tails it down to ringside…with “Luke Warm” giving chase.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Well, there was Davis’ apology!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, but there goes Davis scurrying into the murderer’s row that is our ring – Ring Three…and there goes ‘Luke Warm’ in after him!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Run, Jack! Run!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Davis – running in the ring on one side and slipping out on the other, probably not even realizing how dangerous that was, with The Legacy of Pain being in there!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah – and look at ‘Luke Warm’! Not only are officials stopping him from chasing after him, but they’re taking away his Singapore Cane! ‘Luke Warm’ just found himself the tenth man in Ring Three!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah – and as Davis runs off in hiding, ‘Luke Warm’ turns around to see himself staring ahead at The Legacy of Pain.”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Gretchen Schwab better hurry up with those last FEW remaining introductions, because you could cut the tension out here with a knife! I don’t know how much longer these participants can go without ripping into one another!”
As if on cue, cameras cut to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
“Introducing Participant #26…weighing in at 219 pounds and hailing from Jackson, Mississippi…representing The Forces of Freedom…Warren Peace!”
The lights dim and Red, White and Blue explosives go off in the arena. "Soldier" by Eminem is cued up throughout the arena. Just then Warren Peace walks out to the top of the ramp.He turns to face the screen behind him where the American Flag is shown flying, and salutes it. He then marches "double time", making a B-line for Ring Number One.
Jerry Lawson: “As Warren Peace marches our way, ‘Slick’ you’ve got to think that Jack Devillin is praying that Terry Roberts gets to join him in Ring Number One before it’s too late to! Devillin not only has three fourths of The Forces of Freedom in there between Warren Peace and The Hometown Heroes, but he also has Tappa Kegonite to worry about, too!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah – that coward!”
Upon joining his Forces of Freedom comrades, The Hometown Heroes in the ring, Warren Peace tests the strength of the ropes as his music fades. Gretchen Schwab immediately picks up on her cue.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #27…weighing in at 285 pounds and hailing from Denver, Colorado…Shane Wilson!”
The crowd cheers as “I Am So Sick” by Flyleaf is cued up throughout the arena and Shane Wilson emerges from the back and makes his way to the ring.
Jerry Lawson: “So is it a safe bet to say that Shane’s going to join his friend, Tappa in our ring - Ring Number One?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Probably, but luckily for Shane, Ring Three is full where nothing but bad things would be in store for him between The Legacy of Pain and Bo HeMyth!”
Jerry Lawson: “Though acknowledging Tappa, it looks as if Shane’s going to test his own merit in Ring Two. Mark, Thomas, take it away…”
Mark Green: ‘Kudos to Shane Wilson for testing his merit in a solo capacity, here, separating himself from Tappa Kegonite by going to Ring Two, here, rather then join Tappa in Ring One.”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg. It’s the complete opposite from the power by numbers theory, but then again you don’t stand out in a power by numbers system and Shane Wilson is looking to stand out, constantly looking for that respect.”
Mark Green: “He’s FEW’s answer to Rodney Dangerfield, that’s for sure. He gets no respect. Maybe he’ll earn that respect tonight. Only time will tell.”
As Shane slides into Ring Two, his entrance music fades and again all eyes turn to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #28…representing the Original Cult Of Personality, accompanied to the ring by The Reverend, weighing in at 290 pounds, he says it’s NOBODY’S DAMN BUSINESS where he hails from…he is Mace Morgan!”
The lights in the arena go out and are replaced by a dim red hue as the eerie howling of wolves fades into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color.
Mark Green: “As Mace Morgan makes his way down to ringside, accompanied by The Reverend, I sit here in disbelief. I mean, all The Reverend did was double cross Mace’s brother, FREEK, also known as Jeremy Morgan-“
Thomas Strona: “Dude, don’t let FREEK find out that you called him that. Jeremy Morgan is dead, dawg! Ask FREEK. He’ll tell you!”
Mark Green: “Regardless, The Reverend turned on FREEK and screwed FREEK out of his World Championship and yet FREEK’s brother, Mace continues to stand by The Reverend’s side throughout it all!”
Thomas Strona: “As Mace slides into our ring – Ring Two – look at what Static Rule’s loyalty to FREEK has earned him – the ire of the entire Original Cult Of Personality – three of whom currently stand across from Static, with the possibility of a fourth coming in Naveed!”
As Mace Morgan goes from staring a hole through Static Rule to doing likewise to Marshall Carnegie, The Reverend leaves ringside and the music fades and the house lights return to normal, giving Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab her cue.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing Participant #29…representing Incarnate…he weighs in at 235 pounds and hails from Seattle, Washington…he is one half of the team of Extreme Venom…’The Extremist’ Terry Roberts!”
The crowd jeers as ‘The Boy You Loved Is The Man You Hate” by Marilyn Manson is cued up and Terry Roberts comes flying out the back, rushing down to Ring One.
Jerry Lawson: “Lucky for Jack Devillin and Terry Roberts both, the team of Extreme Venom will at least have each other to rely on. Between Tappa Kegonite, Levi Ash and The Forces of Freedom trio of Warren Peace and The Hometown Heroes, the Incarnate duo of Extreme Venom has the deck stacked against them!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but Jack’s a former Hardcore Champion and they don’t call Terry ‘The Extremist’ for nothing!”
Jerry Lawson: “Terry once wore a football helmet to a hardcore match!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That’s not just using your head – that’s protecting it!”
As Terry slides into the ring, trading stares with quite a FEW different enemies in the now full Ring One, his music fades and one last time, Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab makes a Three Rings of Hell participant introduction.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And finally, introducing Participant #30…representing The Original Cult Of Personality, accompanied to the ring by The Reverend, weighing in at 278 pounds and hailing from The State Institution For The Criminally Insane…Naveed!”
In the now quite familiar sequence, the lights in the arena go out and are replaced by a dim red hue as the eerie howling of wolves fades into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color.
Mark Green: “Look at Naveed, Thomas – STORMING ringside, yanking The Reverend behind him, as he desperately hangs onto the chain connected to the collar around Naveed’s neck! The Reverend looks like a dog walker with a runaway dog…dawg!”
Thomas Strona: “Very funny, dawg…but you’re not far off making such a comparison to Naveed! He’s a maniac! It’s like Gretchen said, he hails from The State Institution For The Criminally INSANE! Look out Static Rule, because he’s coming your way!”
Naveed suddenly breaks free from The Reverend and storms Ring Two attacking Static Rule, with the chain still attached to the collar around his neck.
Mark Green: “Naveed – attacking before the bell, but with Naveed making thirty, officials let it go and call for the bell! The Three Rings Of Hell battle royal is officially underway!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg…look at Naveed strangling Static by the neck, digging into him with those unclipped nails of his! You don’t have to like that!”
Mark Green: “Most certainly not! Meanwhile, it’s Naveed’s cohorts – Mace Morgan and Hellbound – triple-teaming ‘El Presidente’ trying to get the big man out of the ring while they have a numbers advantage! Marshall Carnegie’s trading punches with arch rival Bill Macragge! Fan favorites Shane Wilson and ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown are even going at it!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, it IS every man for himself!”
Mark Green: “That it is! That’s Ring Two at first glance! Rob, Jim…how’s it look over in Ring Three?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Pure pandemonium! That’s what’s going on in Ring Three! A lot of bitter FEWds are coming to a head here! You have ‘Mr. Cool’ and G.O.P. duking it out! Gabriel ‘The Icepick’ Nieves and ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders are continuing their bitter FEWd! Meanwhile, Shaun’s Legacy of Pain cohorts – Tantrum and Eric Vanguard – are fending off ‘Luke Warm’ John White and Roman Kennedy respectively!”
Jim ‘The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah – and to NOBODY’S surprise – it’s the mighty Bo HeMyth tearing into Tappa Kegonite’s younger brother, Havva! Havva’s not a hundred percent but it’s a jungle in there and that’s what happens in jungles, animals prey on weaker animals!”
Big Rob Tucker: “That’s Ring Three in a nutshell! How’s it look in Ring One?”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, Tuck, the never-ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell FEWd continues as it’s Allan Degeneres and Dan ‘The Fan’ Heche taking going at it with The Hometown Heroes! Meanwhile, Joe and Rob’s fellow Forces of Freedom partner, Warren Peace is duking it out with Allan and Dan’s bodyguard, SCAR! Former Extreme Attitude partners – Terry Roberts and Levi Ash are going at each other, while Tappa Kegonite is flat out brawling with ‘Extreme Venom’ Jack Devillin!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Well, what do you expect, Lawson? You’re not exactly going to see a mat classic in a battle royal like this!”
Jerry Lawson: “Mark, Thomas…I understand you just had an elimination in Ring Three!”
Mark Green: “Yeah. ‘El Presidente’ put up a good fight, but he was just overmatched against the trio of Mace Morgan and Hellbound!”
Thomas Strona: “At least NOW he can go help his son, Pablo Sanchez, Jr. prepare to take on the likes of FREEK and Austin Walker in a HELL in a CELL match!”
Jerry Lawson: “OH! We just had an elimination in Ring One! Dan Heche was working over ‘Shoeless’ Joe Jackson of The Hometown Heroes, but when Dan went into clothesline Joe over the top rope, Joe alertly backbodydropped Dan over the ropes and onto the floor behind him!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “With SCAR preoccupied with Warren Peace at the moment, that leaves Allan Degeneres getting double-teamed by BOTH Hometown Heroes members – Joe Jackson AND Rob Williams!”
Mark Green: “Back in Ring Three, with ‘El Presidente’ gone, it’s Mace Morgan and Hellbound joining Naveed in their attack on former Cult member Static Rule!”
Thomas Strona: “It’s power in numbers, dawg! What did I tell you, Green?”
Mark Green: “It’s a realization that I think Shane Wilson and ‘The Punisher’ just came to realize, as now it’s ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown yanking Naveed off of Static Rule and Shane Wilson trying to help Static, too, only to find HIMSELF being the target of Hellbound’s double-team!”
Thomas Strona: “He was better off duking it out with ‘The Punisher’, dawg!”
Mark Green: “It’s ‘The Punisher’ using his animalistic tendencies as he rakes the face of Naveed, blinding the mad man, before getting in a FEW punches! No – it’s Naveed now – following up a blocked punch with a face rake of his own!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah – and his claw like hands are much sharper than ‘The Punisher’s! That’s the difference, dawg, between having animalistic tendencies and just being an animal like Naveed is, Green!”
Mark Green: “Look at Naveed choking ‘The Punisher’ with the chain still attached to the collar around his neck!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg! I bet you Julian wishes he was just refereeing this match like he normally would be!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, it’s FREEK’s brother – Mace Morgan – stomping and kicking away on FREEK’s best friend – Static Rule, only to look up with delight to see Marshall Carnegie in a dazed stuper, as it’s Bill Macragge getting the best of Marshall with those genetically gifted boxing fists of his! Bill prepares for the knockout blow, but in swoops Mace – hurling Marshall over the ropes and onto the floor!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! Mace just robbed Bill of the gratification of eliminating their mutual enemy, but Mace certainly found it gratifying! That’s for sure!”
Mark Green: “Well, I wonder how gratifying he’s finding it being on the receiving end of an angry Bill Macragge attack now!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Hate to interrupt guys, but in Ring Three, it’s ‘Mr. Cool’ getting the best of The Governor and dumping him over the top rope and onto the floor!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, and that’s not settling well with The Governor at all! Shoving aside officials, it’s G.O.P. climbing up onto the apron and yanking ‘Mr. Cool’ by the hair!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Oh, come on now! That’s not fair!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Life’s not fair, but tell that to Bo HeMyth, laying off Havva Kegonite long enough to capitalize on the opportunity and he hurls ‘Mr. Cool’ Scotty Henderson onto the floor!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah – thanks to G.O.P.! Look at ‘Mr. Cool’! He’s furious – pummeling The Governor all the way down the aisle, as officials usher them towards the back!”
Mark Green: “Back here, in Ring Two, or I should say OUTSIDE Ring Two, ‘The Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie isn’t accepting his elimination very well either! Officials are trying to usher him to the back, but he’s not having it! It’s ‘The Capitalist’ now – making his way to the timekeeper’s table to retrieve his steel briefcase!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “You can’t expect him to leave without his briefcase!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but HE’S NOT LEAVING! Storming his way back into Ring Two with that damn STEEL BRIEFCASE in hand, it’s Marshall Carnegie!”
CRACK!
Mark Green: “DOWN goes Mace Morgan!”
CRACK!
Mark Green: “DOWN goes Bill Macragge!”
CRACK!
Mark Green: “DOWN goes Maudite…”
CRACK!
Mark Green: “…and ‘Pyscho’ Steve Simmons! He’s hitting everybody in sight!”
Thomas Strona: “…And just in time, too, dawg! Hellbound had Shane Wilson on the brink of elimination!”
Mark Green: “Marshall Carnegie has caused ultimate havoc, here, lying out FOUR men with that steel briefcase! Marshall now - yanking Bill Macragge up and hurling him over the top rope and onto the floor! This just isn’t right! Marshall now – looking for a little retribution against the man eliminated him – Mace Morgan! Marshall’s got him up on the ropes! Mace is groggy but trying to fight it….”
Thomas Strona: “Look out, dawg! It’s Static Rule!”
Mark Green: “Static – dumping BOTH Marshall and MACE MORGAN over the top rope at one time! Mace has now been officially eliminated!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at Static – flipping Mace off for good measure!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, it’s Shane Wilson taking advantage of the situation now – yanking Maudite up and throwing him over the top rope! Now Shane turns to ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons-”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, but Steve isn’t going down without a fight, dawg, as he fights Shane off and begins strangling him!”
Mark Green: “In steps Static Rule though – yanking ‘Psycho’ Steve off of Shane Wilson and with ease, it’s Static setting ‘Pyscho’ Steve up for his Shonen Knife powerbomb and after taking the ‘Psycho’ one to the mat with him, it’s Static yanking Simmons up with relative ease and sending him hurling over the top rope and onto the floor!”
Thomas Strona: “Meanwhile, dawg, it looks as if Naveed has seemingly strangled all life out of ‘The Punisher’ Julian Brown!”
Mark Green: “…And I think that Naveed senses that, as he finally lets Brown free of the stranglehold he had on him with that chain of his…and over the ropes and onto the floor goes Brown – courtesy of Naveed-“
Thomas Strona: “-And there goes Naveed! Static Rule just nailed Naveed with a ruthless clothesline sending the crazed maniac over the ropes and onto the floor and look at Naveed, dawg! He’s all riled up! I don’t envy the officials who have to usher Naveed to the back in the state of mind that he’s in!”
Mark Green: “…And suddenly, we’re down to just Shane Wilson and ‘The Master of the New Millennium’ Static Rule in Ring Number Two!”
Thomas Strona: “So much for there being power in numbers as it related to the Original Cult Of Personality!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, well between Shane Wilson and especially Static Rule, they were able to make quick work of the O.C.O.P. – thanks to a large assist from one angry ‘Capitalist’ Marshall Carnegie and his steel briefcase! Meanwhile, it looks like we’re going to get a collar and elbow tie-up between Shane Wilson and Static Rule, but it’s Static overpowering Shane, taking control with an armbar, that he quickly converts into an armwringer! Static now – with the irish whip, sending Shane into the ropes-but in comes Static with one hell of a lariat!”
Thomas Strona: “Damn, dawg! He just clotheslined Shane, right into Ring One!”
Mark Green: “That doesn’t eliminate Shane, but with Static following Shane into Ring One, too, let’s hand things over to Jerry Lawson and ‘Slick’ Rick Jones!”
Jerry Lawson: “Thanks guys! Well, I must say that I’m quite surprised to have seen Ring Two empty so fast!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It’s amazing what a steel briefcase can do!”
Jerry Lawson: “Maybe looking to cause some of the same kind of damage, it’s ‘Mr. Attitude’ Levi Ash sliding to the outside and retrieving his patented steel chair!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, because you never see anybody else EVER use a steel chair!”
Jerry Lawson: “Okay…let’s just call it his weapon of choice! As Levi makes his way back towards the ring, it’s ‘The Extremist’ Terry Roberts taking a dangerous risk, as he perches himself upon the top turnbuckle…”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were him!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s Levi now with the steel chair-“
WHACK!
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH NO! Terry just dropkicked that chair right into Levi’s face!”
Jerry Lawson: “With Levi in a daze, it’s Jack Devillin making quick work of ‘Mr. Attitude’, dumping him over the top rope and onto the floor!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Man, did THAT backfire!”
Jerry Lawson: “Meanwhile, it’s The Hometown Heroes having a much harder time eliminating Allan Degeneres than they did eliminating his tag team partner and biggest fan, Dan Heche!”
Joe Jackson: “(As he and Rob Williams struggle to eliminate Allan) Come on Rob! Let’s do away with this bitch!”
Allan Degeneres: “(As if getting a second wind) OH HELL NO! I KNOW you just didn’t call me a BITCH!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Damn, Lawson! Look at Allan! He’s snapped! He’s nailing both Joe Jackson and Rob Williams with vicious lefts and rights!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, you don’t spit in the wind, step on SuperMan’s cape or call Allan Degeneres a bitch…and he’s proving he’s not one as he continues to alternate those stiff punches between both members of The Hometown Heroes! BASHING their heads together, it’s Allan Degeneres! Now with a clothesline, it’s Allan-NO! Rob Williams ducks, backbodydropping Allan over the top rope and onto the floor!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Allan let his emotions get the best of him and it cost him!”
Jerry Lawson: “Indeed, it did! As Joe Jackson and Rob Williams shake off the cobwebs, they suddenly find themselves in a GREAT position to help out their Forces of Freedom partner, Warren Peace, who SCAR has on the brink of elimination!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It’s as if they read your mind, Lawson, as there they go!”
Jerry Lawson: “Wait a second – only to work together to eliminate both SCAR AND Warren Peace! I don’t believe this!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah and neither does Warren! Look at Warren Peace – looking back up at the ring! He can’t believe what just happened! Although it IS every man for himself!”
Jerry Lawson: “Rather smug and proud of their work, it’s The Hometown Heroes turning around now – only for Static Rule to send both Heroes tumbling over the ropes and onto the floor themselves with a double arm clothesline!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Damn, Lawson! ‘The Master of the New Millennium’ Static Rule has completely dominated, so far – with five eliminations so far! That’s more than anybody else!”
Jerry Lawson: “…And I think that Tappa Kegonite’s fully aware of that, as he starts trading bunches with Static!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “What a glory hog! Suddenly, somebody’s stealing the spotlight away from him and Tappa’s suddenly eager to put a stop to it!”
Jerry Lawson: “Static and Tappa have never really seen eye to eye! Static and FREEK may be at odds with their former Cult members now, but Tappa has always been at war with the Cult, dating back to the early days in FEW, when FREEK and Static were the dominant members!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Tappa better look out! Static’s taken the upper hand and has Kegonite on the verge of elimination! This would be Static’s biggest elimination yet!”
Jerry Lawson: “Not if Shane Wilson can help it! Here comes Shane – ONLY for Shane to dump both Static AND Tappa over the top rope and onto the floor! What is going on around here?!? First The Hometown Hereos eliminate Warren Peace and now Shane does the same to his would be ally, Tappa Kegonite!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “I keep trying to tell you, Lawson! It’s every man for himself!”
Jerry Lawson: “As Tappa Kegonite looks back at Shane Wilson in shock, it’s Wilson now – by himself, alone in Ring Two with Incarnate members – ‘The Extremist’ Terry Roberts and his Extreme Venom tag team partner, ‘Black Venom’ Jack Devillin!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah and with Shane looking back at Tappa, it’s Jack Devillin – nailing Shane in the back with a blistering forearm!”
Jerry Lawson: “Effective double-teaming now on the part of Extreme Venom as they kick and stomp away on Shane Wilson!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I bet he wishes he hadn’t sent Tappa to the showers so soon NOW!”
Jerry Lawson: “Terry makes his way back up to the top turnbuckle and lays in waiting as Jack Devillin brings Shane Wilson back up to a vertical base, only to catch him in his cobra clutch sleeper that he calls The Venom Bite! He’s finished quite a FEW competitors off with this maneuver!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “YEAH, he has! Look at Shane Wilson though – determined not to be his next victim! Look at him trying to fight it off!”
Jerry Lawson: “…And fight it off, he does, as he powers his way out, elbowing Devillin in the gut and then following up with a quick jab, followed by another! Devillin’s in a daze! Wilson – quick to follow up – irish whips Devillin into the ropes and on the return, it’s Wilson ducking, backbodydropping Devillin over the top ropes and onto the floor!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but Wilson better watch out!”
Jerry Lawson: “Shane turns around just in time to be nailed by Terry’s Hellbender DDT off the top rope!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “That should finish him off!”
Jerry Lawson: “That’s what Terry’s thinking, too, as it’s Terry Roberts now trying to dump Shane Wilson over the top rope now, but it’s Shane Wilson, somehow, finding to the strength to try and fight it off and send Shane over instead! Look out! They’re BOTH going over! Terry hits the floor and down goes Shane-NO! Shane hung onto the ropes and escapes certain elimination by sliding back into the ring by the skin of his teeth!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at Terry Roberts! He’s irate! He can’t believe it!”
Jerry Lawson: “Quite frankly, I don’t think Shane can believe it either! At the risk of jinxing Shane Wilson, like I did when I said so about Static Rule, Shane Wilson, now, looks to have momentum on his side, having been one of two men to survive Ring Two and the sole survivor from Ring One! That just leaves Ring Three for Shane Wilson, so with that in mind, let’s turn things over to Big Rob Tucker and Jim ‘The Mouth’ McCoy!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Thanks Jerry! With the exception of the early eliminations of Governor Oliver Prescott and subsequently ‘Mr. Cool’ Scotty Henderson, this ring has been quite a hard fought stalemate, with eight men still remaining! Make that nine – as Shane Wilson enters – ONLY to be immediately pummeled by the mighty Bo HeMyth!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Welcome to Ring Three, Wilson!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Bo HeMyth has focused mainly on Havva Kegonite, ever since the bell rang, as if Havva were his brother, Tappa! Meanwhile, it’s Shane quick to fire back at Bo HeMyth and as the two begin to trade blows, it’s Havva Kegonite now, gaining the opportunity to regain his bearings and now it’s Havva joining his A.A. teammate, ‘Luke Warm’ John White who has been battling it out with The Legacy of Pain’s Tantrum since the bell rang!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Give credit to The Legacy of Pain! With only nine men left, all THREE members of The Legacy of Pain remain!”
Big Rob Tucker: “As do BOTH members of The Anarchy Association, not to mention Gabriel Nieves, Roman Kennedy and Shane Wilson – all of whom find themselves at odds with The Legacy of Pain – although it’s Shane Wilson preoccupied, on the receiving end of a beating at the hands of Bo HeMyth!”
Bo HeMyth: “(As he pummels Shane) Where’s your buddy, Tappa, huh? He was too scared to join me in this ring – as he should be – so instead it’s you and Havva who get to feel the pain I had in store for your good ol’ pal Tappa!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Bo HeMyth’s not the ONLY one sending a message! Look at Shaun Borders! As Shaun chokes Nieves with the rope, it’s Shaun continuing to call out Waubash!”
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “You see this, Waubash? THIS is an ‘Iron Man’ at work! You think beating Bill Macragge in an hour long snooze fest proved you were somebody? Well, you’re NOBODY! You’re no more of an ‘Iron Man’ than Gabriel’s former delusional partner, Viper is!”
Borders turns his attention away from Waubash for the moment to further berate Gabriel ‘The Icepick’ Nieves.
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “I bet you wish Viper was here to save you now though, huh?! Don’t you, Nieves?!”
Big Rob Tucker: “As the trash talk continues, it’s Havva now – unfastening the turnbuckle in the corner nearest ‘Luke Warm’, who continues to wage war with ‘The Manmade Natural Disaster’ Tantrum!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Havva now – gives ‘Luke Warm’ the signal and now it’s ‘Luke Warm’ repeatedly bashing Tantrum into the exposed turnbuckle! Tantrum’s all loopy now!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Tantrum’s in a daze, all right, making him easy prey as it’s ‘Luke Warm’ hurling Tantrum over the top rope and onto the floor!”
The crowd roars with approval.
Big Rob Tucker: “This crowd loves it! Havva quickly joins his long time rival Shane Wilson in working over a common enemy in Bo HeMyth! As the two trade punches it’s Bo HeMyth causing Shane to miss and instead it’s Shane drilling Havva Kegonite! Shane’s stunned – as if it were an accident! Bo, however, is quick to capitalize, as he capitalizes on the misfire and sends Havva hurling over the top rope!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Look at Shane feigning innocence, but that seemed just about as accidental as Shane’s elimination of Tappa!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Meanwhile, it’s The Hardcore Champion – ‘Archaic” Roman Kennedy jockeying for position along the ropes with ‘Excessive Force’ Eric Vanguard, but swooping in on the offensive comes ‘Luke Warm’ – dumping BOTH MEN at one time!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Oh – and there goes Nieves! Borders finally got the best of his former comrade! We’re down to the Final Four!”
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders points at Nieves, while yelling some more at Waubash.
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “You see THAT, Waubash? THAT is how it’s done!”
Big Rob Tucker: “UH OH! I think Waubash has had just about enough, as it’s ‘The Golden Boy’ Bradley Waubash, hopping over the guardrail and pushing away officials, as he climbs onto the ring apron and grabs hold of Shaun Borders!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Come on now! That’s not fair!”
Big Rob Tucker: “I don’t think Waubash cares much about being FAIR! In fact, neither does Gabriel Nieves! Look! It’s ‘The Icepick’ who Shaun just eliminated, re-entering the ring and assisting Waubash in successfully eliminating Borders by pushing him over the top rope from inside the ring!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “…And there goes Nieves for the second time – as it’s ‘Luke Warm’ clotheslining ‘The Icepick” back onto the floor!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And Nieves doesn’t even seem to care! He seems quite content knowing that he helped eliminate his arch nemesis Shaun Borders!”
Officials are seen desperately trying to keep “The Better Man” Shaun Borders apart from Gabriel “The Icepick” Nieves and “The Golden Boy” Bradley Waubash.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “…And then there were THREE! We’re down to Shane Wilson, Bo HeMyth and ‘Luke Warm’ John White!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And with Bo HeMyth and Shane Wilson trading blows, it’s ‘Luke Warm’ John White, now – apparently seeking salvage outside the ring!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “It’s not SALVAGE he’s seeking! ‘Luke Warm’s found himself his Singapore cane!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Look out! Here comes ‘Luke Warm’ back into the ring! We’ve already seen Carnegie do quite a deal of damage with a steel briefcase, though already eliminated at the time! On the other hand, we’ve also seen ‘Mr. Attitude’ Levi Ash bring in a steel chair, only for it to backfire on him! Let’s see how ‘Luke Warm’ fares!”
CRACK!
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “DAMN! ‘Luke Warm’ just nailed Shane Wilson upside the head with that Singapore cane!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And Bo HeMyth says thank you very much, as he easily disposes of the dazed Shane Wilson, sending Wilson over the ropes and onto the floor! It’s a shame, too! Wilson had put on quite the performance until then! I was starting to think he could actually win it!”
CRACK!
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “DAMN! ‘Luke Warm’ nailed Bo HeMyth in the back and ‘Luke Warm’s Singapore cane actually busted in half! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen THAT before!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Broken Singapore cane or not, you KNOW that had to hurt! More importantly, it seems to have pissed off Bo HeMyth more than anything else, as it’s Bo charging ‘Luke Warm’, but ‘Luke Warm’ alertly sidesteps Bo HeMyth and from behind it’s ‘Luke Warm’ now – CHOKING Bo with his broken Singapore cane!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Look at Bo – he’s turning blue in the face!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yet it’s Bo HeMyth using his tremendous size advantage to back ‘Luke Warm’ into the corner!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Not just ANY corner, Tucker! Bo HeMyth just backed ‘Luke Warm’ into that exposed turnbuckle! ‘Luke Warm’s going to feel THAT in the morning!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Capitalizing on the injury to ‘Luke Warm’s neck…or maybe his back-“
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I wonder if ‘Luke Warm’ just suffered damage to his spinal cord!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Whatever the case, ‘Luke Warm’s in pain, but none the less, it’s Bo HeMyth hip tossing ‘Luke Warm’ out of the corner!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Wait a second! What’s Bo doing?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “The big man’s climbing the turnbuckles! Surprisingly agile is the big man as he steadies himself on the top turnbuckle and as ‘Luke Warm’ begins to stir…it’s Bo HeMyth ready to pounce!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “OH NO!”
Big Rob Tucker: “To his feet is ‘Luke Warm’, but off the top comes Bo HeMyth!”
Bo nails “Luke Warm’ with his Eternal Darkness – jumping on ‘Luke Warm’s shoulders as if to land a hurracanrana, but the weight sends ‘Luke Warm’ crashing to the mat on his already injured back, with Bo crashing down hard on his chest!
Big Rob Tucker: “Shades of Eklypss there, as Bo connects with his Eternal Darkness finisher!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “That’s gotta’ be it!”
Big Rob Tucker: “No doubt! Bo to his feet…yanks ‘Luke Warm’ back up to a vertical base…and sends the injured Anarchist tumbling over the top rope and onto the arena floor! BO HEMYTH wins! BO HEMYTH wins!”
The bell rings much to jeers of the crowd.
Gretchen Schwab: “Here is your winner of The Three Rings battle royal…Bo HeMyth!”
"Welcome to Detroit" by Eminem and Trick Trick is re-cued throughout the arena, as an elated though exhausted Bo HeMyth raises his arms in victory.
Big Rob Tucker: “With a win of this magnitude, you have to assume that Bo HeMyth might just be in line for a FEWture World Title Shot, just as Pablo Sanchez, Jr.’s N64 Invitational Tournament win garnered him a spot in tonight’s World Title Match inside the confines of Hell in a Cell! Bo suffered a minor setback in his quest to dominate The King of the Death Match Tournament, but tonight has regained that momentum and the FEWture looks bright for the young superstar!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Tappa Kegonite has to be sick to his stomach right now and Bo HeMyth knows it, making this win all the sweeter for him!”
Big Rob Tucker: "As Bo celebrates in front of his home state of Michigan, let's take a look at the order of elimination!”
The following Order of Elimination graphic appears for the home viewers:
Order of Elimination:
#1 "El Presidente" Pablo Sanchez, Sr. by Mace Morgan, Maudite and "Psycho" Steve Simmons
#2 Dan "The Fan" Heche by Joe Jackson
#3 "The Capitalist" Marshall Carnegie by Mace Morgan
#4 Governor Oliver Prescott by "Mr. Cool" Scotty Henderson
#5 "Mr. Cool" Scotty Henderson by Bo HeMyth
#6 Bill "The Iron Man" Macragge by (the already eliminated) "Capitalist" Marshall Carnegie
#7 Mace Morgan by "The Master of the New Millennium" Static Rule
#8 Maudite by Shane Wilson
#9 "Psycho" Steve Simmons by "The Master of the New Millennium" Static Rule
#10 "The Punisher" Julian Brown by Naveed
#11 Naveed by "The Master of the New Millennium" Static Rule
#12 "Mr. Attitude" Levi Ash by "Black Venom" Jack Devillin
#13 Allan Degeneres by Rob Williams
#14 and #15 SCAR and Warren Peace by Joe Jackson and Rob Williams
#16 and #17 Joe Jackson and Rob Williams by "The Master of the New Millennium" Static Rule
#18 and #19 Tappa "Lights Out" Kegonite and "The Master of the New Millennium" Static Rule by Shane Wilson
#20 "Black Venom" Jack Devillin by Shane Wilson
#21 "The Extremist" Terry Roberts by Shane Wilson
#22 "The Manmade Natural Disaster" Tantrum by "Luke Warm" John White
#23 "Das Beerman" Havva Kegonite by Bo HeMyth
#24 and #25 "Archaic" Roman Kennedy and "Excessive Force" Eric Vanguard by "Luke Warm" John White
#26 Gabriel "The Icepick" Nieves by "The Better Man" Shaun Borders
#27 "The Better Man" Shaun Borders by (the already eliminated) "Icepick" Gabriel Nieves and (non participant) "The Golden Boy" Bradley Waubash
#28 Shane Wilson by Bo HeMyth
#29 "Luke Warm" JOhn White by Bo HeMyth
Winner: Bo HeMyth
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, as Bo leaves ringside, it’s time to turn our attention to the mixed tag team match we have on deck. On the one hand you have the storied rivalry between The Sarge and ‘The Icon Killer’ Tommy Roberts, but figure in The Sarge’s turncoat sister The Corporal linking herself with Tommy Roberts and Tommy’s former main squeeze, Donna Matrix, aligning herself with The Sarge in turn, you have a match that has become quite personal!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “The Sarge enters this match on the heels of having his Semi Finals win over Will Fair in the King of the Death Match Tournament reversed in Will’s favor. The fact that the referee’s decision wasn’t final and that in turn caused him to lose did not settle well with The Sarge!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Indeed. He has been in an unfavorable mood ever since and that doesn’t bode well for anybody who stands in his way. I can tell you this – I would not want to be his turncoat sister, The Corporal and I especially would not want to be his arch rival, ‘The Icon Killer’ Tommy Roberts! So, with that in mind, let’s hand things over to our Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab for the introductions in our next match!”
The camera cuts to a shot of Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab.
Gretchen Schwab: “The following contest is a Mixed Tag Team Match and is scheduled for one fall!”
"Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is cued up throughout the building and the lights start to flicker. From the back emerges the Corporal, who walks to the end of the stage and strikes a pose, fireworks fountaining around her, as she begins to make her way toward the ring through a chorus of boos.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing first, representing Incarnate, weighing in at 165 pounds and hailing from Washington D.C., she is the FEW Women’s Champion, The Corporal!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Originally a member of The Forces of Freedom, The Corporal’s sibling rivalry with her brother The Sarge hit an all time low when she joined forces with her brother’s arch rival, Tommy Roberts!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Just like Tommy Roberts, she is a champion. Birds of a feather flock together, Tuck. Now don’t bother me. I’m bird watching! Damn, she’s hot!”
As The Corporal climbs into the ring, her music fades and is replaced by “The Boy You Loved Is The Man You Hate” by Marilyn Manson.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And her partner…also representing Incarnate, he weighs in at 235 pounds and hails from Seattle, Washington, he is the FEW Unified Television Champion, ‘The Icon Killer” Tommy Roberts!”
One the loudest chorus of jeers on the night is heard, as a smug “Icon Killer” Tommy Roberts makes his way down to the ring, with his FEW Unified Television Title proudly draped over his shoulder.
Big Rob Tucker: “How Tommy Roberts can be so cocky, knowing the state of rage that The Sarge must be in is to me astounding!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “He’s not so cocky to me. He’s actually modest.”
Big Rob Tucker: “MODEST?!?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Well, sure! A cocky Tommy Roberts would also come out here with his BRAWL World Championship, a title he’s never been beaten for!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, of course not! It’s a defunct title from a defunct organization!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Something I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, something that John Eibach would suggest is all the fault of our President, Jack Davis!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, I’d rather not talk about it.”
Upon making his way into the ring, Tommy Roberts shares a tender embrace with The Corporal, as Tommy’s entrance music fades.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And their opponents…first, weighing in at 230 pounds and hailing from Haite Ashbury, California…Donna Matrix!”
“Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson is cued up throughout the arena to a positive reaction from the fans in attendance.
Big Rob Tucker: “Listen to these fans cheer the female powerhouse – a woman who was once booed, as a member of Incarnate, when she stood by the side of Tommy Roberts!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, so I can’t think of a more fitting venue for this match than where we are, here, in Hell, Michigan!”
Upon making her way down to ringside, Donna stares down the duo of Tommy Roberts and The Corporal, but wisely waits outside of the ring for her tag team partner.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And her partner, representing The Forces of Freedom, he weighs in 215 and hails from Washington D.C., he is The Sarge!”
The U.S. Army Rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” is cued up throughout the arena of cheering fans and with a combination of rage and determination in his eyes, The Sarge storms the ring.
Big Rob Tucker: “As The Sarge storms the ring, the smug look on Tommy’s face quickly disappears as he meets The Sarge head on, trading blows with the proud American!”
Jim McCoy: “Meanwhile, it’s The Corporal, catching Donna Matrix off guard, nailing the female powerhouse from inside the ring with a baseball slide, sending Donna crashing hard into the steel guardrail behind her!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Like a vulture, it’s The Corporal now sliding to the outside, looking to capitalize, as he belts Donna across the chest with a knife edge chop and now a stiff boot to the gut, leaving Donna doubled over in pain!”
Jim McCoy: “Do we even have a bell yet?”
Big Rob Tucker: “I don’t think these four CARE! As Tommy and The Sarge continue to trade blows on the inside, on the outside, it’s The Corporal now ramming Donna head-first into the guardr-NO! Donna fights it off, elbows The Corporal in the gut and sends THE CORPORAL head-first into the guardrail instead! Quick to follow up is Donna Matrix, ramming The Corporal head-first into the ringpost, before rolling The Corporal into the ring at the feet of her man, Tommy Roberts!”
Jim McCoy: “Yeah, Tommy, distracted at seeing a busted open Corporal at his feet is BLINDSIDED by a clothesline, sending Tommy over the ropes and onto the floor!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Donna now – joins The Sarge in the ring, prompting Tommy to pull The Corporal to the outside to regroup and this crowd is loving it!”
Jim McCoy: “What is this – McDonalds?!?”
Chants of “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” erupt throughout the arena.
Jim McCoy: “Furthermore, don’t these fans realize that ALL FOUR of these individuals are from The United States?!?”
Big Rob Tucker: “It’s not a chant that seems to discourage Tommy and The Corporal, so much, as it encourages and cheers on The Sarge!”
Jim McCoy: “If you say so.”
Big Rob Tucker: “As Tommy gets the official to keep The Sarge and Donna at bay, as he and The Corporal climb back into the ring, it looks as if it’s going Tommy squaring off against The Sarge to start this bout, as the ladies take their spots on the apron and as the bell sounds, this match is finally underway!”
Mixed Tag Team Bout!
The Sarge of The Forces of Freedom and Donna Matrix
Vs.
FEW Unified Television Champion, “The Icon Killer” Tommy Roberts
And the FEW Women’s Champion, The Corporal of Incarnate
Jim McCoy: “Look at The Sarge and Tommy stare each other down! Man, if looks could kill!”
Big Rob Tucker: “The Sarge – answering Tommy’s call for a test of strength, leans in, but it’s Tommy with a boot to the-NO! The Sarge saw it coming, catches Tommy’s boot, but it’s Tommy with an enziguri-NO! Again, The Sarge saw it coming, ducked and catches Tommy from behind, suplexing Tommy down to the mat! Holding on, it’s The Sarge right back up, driving Tommy back down to the mat with a rolling German and yet again for the trifecta!”
Jim McCoy: “Man, The Sarge is relentless!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And he’s not done YET! Sarge comes off the ropes going for his American Justice axe kick early…but Tommy anticipated that one, sidestepping the maneuver, countering with a Wildside Ride! Tommy going for the early pinfall…”
The referee drops down to the mat to make the count:
“ONE!”
“T-“
Big Rob Tucker: “No! The Sarge kicked out!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, you’re going to have to do a lot better than that to get the best of The Sarge!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And as Tommy gives the official an ear full, how dangerous is Tommy’s Wildside Ride?! He can hit that inverted backbreaker of his at any time, anywhere!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Tommy better worry less about the official and more about The Sarge, who’s starting to come around!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Not if Tommy can help it! It’s Tommy now – stomping and kicking away on the fallen Sarge, showing no mercy whatsoever! Look at Tommy zeroing in on The Sarge’s back, no doubt softening The Sarge up for his boston crab finisher he calls The Legend Breaker!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “If he locks his finisher on The Sarge, The Sarge will be in big trouble!”
Big Rob Tucker: “It doesn’t appear we’ll have to wait long though, as it’s Tommy now – calling for his finisher, right on cue! Tommy locks The Sarge in The Legend Breaker and looks to Donna Matrix with glee, taunting his former main squeeze. Meanwhile, Donna’s partner, The Sarge is desperately trying to break free or at least reach the ropes to break the hold!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “There’s a lot of fight in The Sarge and as long as he’s breathing, you can’t count him out!”
Big Rob Tucker: “No, you most certainly cannot! In fact, it’s The Sarge now – showing some resilience, as he starts to pull his way towards the ropes! Tommy’s desperately trying to keep The Sarge in place, but to no prevail! The Sarge has reached the ropes!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “What did I tell you, Tuck? The Sarge is like a cockroach! He just won’t die!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Well, I don’t know if I’d quite put it THAT way! None the less, it’s Tommy Roberts reluctantly breaking the hold, as he continues to taunt Donna Matrix! Tommy’s calling her out!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah and here she comes! You don’t have to ask HER twice!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Like a raging bull, Donna comes charging out of the corner, but Tommy ducks and Donna nails the official instead, knocking him out with that vicious lariat of hers!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Before Donna can even realize what she’s done, it’s Tommy spinning her around and getting in her face!”
“The Icon Killer” Tommy Roberts: “What? You want some of this? Huh? Do you?”
Big Rob Tucker: “Tommy better be careful what he asks for, because he just might get it!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Wait a second! Here comes Corporal from behind with her women’s title!”
Big Rob Tucker: “NO! Donna ducked and she just nailed Tommy over the head, leaving Tommy loopy!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Look at The Corporal! She can’t believe what she’s done!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, but Donna’s not going to give her much time to think about it, as she clotheslines The Corporal over the top rope and onto the floor! Meanwhile, it’s The Sarge, grabbing a dazed Tommy Roberts and setting him up for a powerbomb!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Uh-oh! This can’t be good!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, because he’s not just going to powerbomb him there, as it’s The Sarge now – taking Tommy into the corner with him and after planting his feet on the second ropes, it’s The Sarge nailing Tommy with a powerbomb from the second ropes! He calls it the B-17 Bomber!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I call it bad news for Tommy Roberts!”
Big Rob Tucker: “The Sarge seems to think so, as he goes for the cover, but there’s no referee! Making his own three count is The Sarge, but of course, that’ll do him no good! The Sarge didn’t even realize that the official was down, but it’s Donna Matrix now – trying to explain what happened to him!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “She should know! She’s the one that knocked him out!”
Big Rob Tucker: “The Sarge can’t believe what he’s hearing! Look at him beginning to lose his temper with Donna Matrix!”
The Sarge: “How could you be so STUPID?!? I had this match WON! You HEAR me?!? I had Tommy right where I wanted him! (Sticking his finger) Thanks to you though, there’s no referee!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Donna Matrix – not taking too well to having The Sarge stick his finger his face, shoves The Sarge off of him…and OH MY! There’s goes The Sarge UNLOADING on Donna!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Damn! He’s beating on her like a red-headed stepchild!”
Big Rob Tucker: “As Tommy comes around, you’d think he’d be licking his chops, seeing his opponents tearing into one another, but instead, it’s Tommy ripping The Sarge off of Donna and nailing him with another Wildside Ride!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “This one is as good as over!”
Big Rob Tucker: “It would be, but Tommy’s not done with The Sarge – kicking and stomping away on him, apparently not taking too well to The Sarge putting his hands on a woman in Donna Matrix!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Here comes The Corporal!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, but it’s Tommy knocking her to the mat out of his way!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Was that an accident?”
Big Rob Tucker: “I don’t know, but either way she’s not taking well to it, as it’s The Corporal now – jumping on Tommy’s back, clawing at his face!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “I don’t know who is on who’s side anymore!”
Big Rob Tucker: “As Tommy struggles to get The Corporal off of him, it’s Donna picking up The Sarge and powerslamming him down to the mat! Meanwhile, it’s Tommy backing The Corporal hard into the turnbuckle and with the referee finally awake, it’s Tommy making the cover on The Sarge!”
“ONE!”
Big Rob Tucker: “The Corporal charges at Tommy once again!”
“TWO!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah, but it’s Donna nailing her with a clothesline before she could get to him!”
“THREE!”
The official calls for the bell.
Gretchen Schwab: “Here are your winners of the match: The Corporal and ‘The Icon Killer’ Tommy Roberts!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “That’s funny! The Corporal doesn’t look too much like a winner right now!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, and it’s Donna Matrix, of all people, raising Tommy’s arm in victory!”
As “The Boy You Loved Is The Man You Hate” by Tommy Roberts is re-cued throughout the arena, it’s The Corporal checking on her fallen brother, The Sarge.
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Brother and sister seem to be re-united!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah – and Tommy Roberts seems to back together with Donna Matrix once more!”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Still no love lost between Donna and The Coropral, though!”
Big Rob Tucker: “…And the rivalry between Tommy and The Sarge seems FAR from over!”
Jim "The Mouth" McCoy: "As The Corporal helps her brother to his feet, the locals tend to be jeering the two patriots – especially The Sarge!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Yeah, it turns out that beating up a woman, like Donna Matrix, is frowned upon. Who knew?”
Jim “The Mouth” McCoy: “Yeah? Well, look at The Sarge and The Corporal respond in kind with a new type of military salute – this one being of the middle finger variety!”
Big Rob Tucker: “Meanwhile, these fans seem to once again be cheering Tommy Roberts, who valiantly stood up to The Sarge in defense of Donna Matrix!”
As Tommy Roberts and Donna Matrix make their way to the back, slapping the hands of fans along the aisle, cameras cut to the back to show The Legacy of Pain in full force.
John Eibach: “(Standing alongside Tantrum and Eric Vanguard) We’re going to check on our friend, ‘The Jester’. Let’s see how he fared in our little warehouse from HELL! You coming, Shaun?”
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “No, I have some unfinished business to attend to, first.”
John Eibach: “(Turning to Lady Die) Then, Die, you better stay with Shaun. It’s all about power in numbers!”
“The Better Man” Shaun Borders: “I couldn’t have put it BETTER myself.”
As the two parties go their separate ways, the scene returns to ringside, this time to the broadcast duo of Mark Green and Thomas Strona.
Thomas Strona: “What unfinished business do you think Shaun was talking about, dawg?”
Mark Green: “I don’t know, but I’m equally as curious as to the well being of ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen! Turns out they lured him to a ‘warehouse from HELL’ as Eibach put it!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, and something tells me that ‘The Jester’ didn’t have to like that!”
Mark Green: “Shifting gears now, next up is what has now become a Triangle Match for the now vacant FEW Unified Tag Team Titles! Davis, stripped Pablo Sanchez, Jr. and The RingMaster of those titles earlier this evening after The RingMaster had his leg severely burned in his match with El Diablo.”
Thomas Strona: “The RingMaster didn’t have to like losing both his Cruiserweight Title and the tag team titles in the same night! Add getting severely burned again at the hands of El Diablo and this certainly has been a night from HELL for The RingMaster!”
Mark Green: “At least Pablo Sanchez, Jr. has been given the chance of a lifetime, here, tonight as he’s been added to the Hell in a Cell match, making it a Triangle Match between FREEK and the FEW Unified World Champion, Austin Walker, with Austin, as we all know by now, being managed by FREEK’s former manager, The Reverend!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg and luckily for Pablo, his father was eliminated early on in the Three Rings of Hell battle royal. As the first man eliminated, he’s been able to help his son, as we speak, better prepare for this huge opportunity!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but as familiar as Pablo is with both Austin and FREEK, preparing for those two and a HELL in a CELL match at the last minute is easier said than done, but that’s still to come! Right now, it’s Generation X versus The Made Men versus The Pitt Crew and somebody’s going to emerge from this the new FEW Unified Tag Team Champions!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg and since Davis pulled The Made Men and The Pitt Crew out of the Three Rings of Hell battle royal, Generation X won’t be the only team heading into this match fresh! All three teams will enter this match on equal bearings, giving no other team an unfair advantage!”
Mark Green: “It was a great call that Davis made BEFORE he actually apologized to ‘Luke Warm’ to earn back the title as FEW President and just like declaring the titles vacant and adding Pablo to the Main Event, these are all decisions he’s insisted on going with, so with that in mind, let’s take you to Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab for the introductions in our next contest!”
Gretchen Schwab: “The following Tag Team Match is a Triangle Match for the vacant FEW Unified Tag Team Titles and is scheduled for one fall!”
"Fuck Dyin'" by Ice Cube is cued up throughout the arena to a chorus of jeers and even a FEW scattered cheers.
“Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 665 pounds and hailing from New York, New York…the team of KingPin and Don Mega…The Made Men!”
Don Mega and KingPin emerge from the tunnel to a mixed reaction from the capacity crowd.
Mark Green: “Not everybody in this arena is jeering these two, Strona!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, dawg, that just means that, unlike you, not everybody, here, is jealous of successful people, like The Made Men!”
Mark Green: “I don’t think anybody would have many qualms about their financial success, but their in ring tactics certainly call their character and integrity into question!”
Thomas Strona: “The KingPin is a former Tag Team Champion and Don Mega was a finalist in the recent N64 Invitational Tournament, so I think their end justifies their means!”
As they approach the ring, Don Mega removes his jacket and the cufflinks from his shirt, handing them to a ring attendant, as the bald KingPin, adorned in white Adidas shoes and a red ball cap that reads “Made Men” removes his white breakaway pants, revealing white basketball shorts underneath.
Mark Green: “As The Don and The KingPin hand the removable pieces of their ring attire off, don’t let The KingPin’s athletic attire fool you, the oil driller is just as wealthy as The Don!”
Thomas Strona: “You know it, dawg! That’s just how he rolls!”
As the entrance music of The Made Men fades out, “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against The Machine is cued up throughout the arena bringing the crowd to their feet.
Gretchen Schwab: “Next…weighing in at a combined weight of 474 pounds and hailing from Seattle, Washington…Grunge and Metalhead…Generation X!”
With "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine cued up over the house speakers, the FEW Video Wall displays an equalizer bar that slowly turns until the lines are crossing one another forming several X's on the screen. Metalhead and Grunge emerge from the back banging their heads to the music and bouncing all around the stage. The duo does a chest bump at the top of the ramp and makes their way to the ring, as the video shows clips of Generation X's past match highlights, footage of the duo at various concerts, and still images of the pair’s idols - Nirvanna, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Rage Against The Machine, The offspring, and Green Day.
Mark Green: Listen to the reception for FEW’s resident moshers!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, dawg, just because they’re kings of the mosh pit, doesn’t make them kings of the ring!”
Mark Green: “Don’t underestimate them, Strona! They are former champions, after all!”
Thomas Strona: “Being a former champion may look good on a resume or even get you into a high profile match as this one, but then, it’s up to them, dawg, to prove that they deserve to be champions once again!”
The pair slaps hands with the fans on their way down the ramp, both sliding in under the bottom rope upon reaching ringside. Once in the ring, the pair begin their moshing dance, slamming off each other, bouncing off the ropes, even catching Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab in between them and bouncing them back and forth.
Mark Green: “Whoa! Look out, Gretchen!”
Thomas Strona: “The Made Men hardly seem impressed and quite frankly, I’m not either!”
The pair then turns to the crowd, hold up the classic devil' s horns hand sign and bang their heads. They then go to their corner and await the start of the match, as their music fades.
Suddenly, the revving of racecars is heard, drawing a mixed reaction from the crowd, as Hot Rod and The Speed Demon emerge at the entrance ramp, with their infamous tire irons in their hands.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And weighing in at a combined weight of 570 pounds and hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…Hot Rod and The Speed Demon…The Pitt Crew!”
Mark Green: “As The Pitt Crew make their way down to ringside, you just know that The Fast and The Furious makes their favorite movies list!”
Thomas Strona: “Well, dawg, while you’re thinking Blockbuster Nights, whereas neither The Made Men or myself are usually ones to agree with Generation X, I can’t help but join The Made Men in siding with Generation X in complaining about The Pitt Crew bringing those tire irons of theirs down to ringside with them!”
Mark Green: “Look – the officials are asking for them and reluctantly, it’s Hot Rod and The Speed Demon handing them over. Are you happy now?”
Thomas Strona: “Very.”
Mark Green: “Well then, with all three teams present and accounted for, let’s see who will be starting things out for each team. It seems it’ll be The KingPin, Grunge and Hot Rod starting things out for their respective teams and with that settled, the official calls for the bell and this match is officially underway!”
Triangle Match for the FEW Unified Tag Team Titles!
Generation X (Grunge and Metalhead)
Versus
The Made Men (Don Mega and The KingPin)
Versus
The Pitt Crew (Hot Rod and The Speed Demon)
Mark Green: “As Grunge and Hot Rod look to each other, it seems as if both men are putting their differences aside, with a common goal in mind and that’s getting the big man off his feet! In come the two with simultaneous shoulder blocks…”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…but The KingPin didn’t even budge!”
Mark Green: “Again, the two come with shoulder blocks!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…and again, they’re unsuccessful! That’s strike Two!”
Mark Green: “Once more they come at him, but this time it’s The KingPin greeting the two with a big double arm clothesline, knocking both men to the mat!”
Thomas Strona: “Strike Three, dawg! They’re out!”
Mark Green: “I don’t know about out, but they’re down for sure! Quick to follow up is The KingPin, yanking both men back up to a vertical base, only to bash their heads together and it’s The KingPin sending Grunge over the ropes and onto the floor on one side of the ring and out goes Hot Rod on the other side of the ring, courtesy of the big man!”
Thomas Strona: “It seems as if Round One goes to The Made Men!”
The referee immediately begins his count:
”ONE!”
Mark Green: “Yeah. However, this isn’t boxing and this one is far from over! As the official begins his count, it’s Grunge and Metalhead with a meeting of the minds-“
Thomas Strona: “THAT should be a short discussion.”
“TWO!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, it’s Hot Rod grabbing Plan B and taking it into the ring with him, in the form of his tire iron, but as The KingPin quickly protests, it’s the official quick to insist that Hot Rod give him the tire iron!”
Thomas Strona: “The official better be careful or Hot Rod will give it to him, all right!”
Mark Green: “With The KingPin distracted, it’s Grunge re-entering the ring, well ahead of the count and nailing the big man with a vicious forearm to the back, followed by another! Grunge looking for the Irish whip, but NO! It’s The KingPin, instead, Irish whipping Grunge into the corner. Into the corner with a big splash comes The KingPin, but Grunge got out of the way just in the knick of time!”
Thomas Strona: “I guess he wasn’t in the mood for pancakes, dawg…or at least becoming one!”
Mark Green: “With The KingPin back peddling his way out of the corner in a daze, it’s Grunge connecting with a dropkick, leaving the big man staggering about and as Hot Rod finally hands over the tire iron to the official, it’s Hot Rod teaming up with Grunge to clothesline the big man over the top rope and onto the floor!”
Immediately the official begins his count on The KingPin:
“ONE!”
Mark Green: “Short lived is their alliance, as it’s Hot Rod drilling Grunge with a stiff boot to the gut, followed up by his Inverted DDT finisher he calls RESPECT, out of nowhere!”
The referee stops his count on The KingPin to drop down and make the count:
“ONE!”
Thomas Strona: “This could be it, dawg!”
”TWO!”
Mark Green: “We may have new champions-NO! It’s Don Mega interrupting the count in this one fall encounter!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg…and that didn’t sit too well with Hot Rod’s partner, The Speed Demon, who immediately enters the ring to complain, drawing the attention of the referee, who verbally warns The Don, while keeping The Speed Demon at bay!”
Suddenly, the crowd reacts, as “The Better Man” Shaun Borders is seen making his way down to ringside with a purpose, accompanied by fellow Legacy of Pain member, Lady Die.
Mark Green: “Wait a second! What business do THESE TWO have out here?”
Thomas Strona: “I don’t know, dawg. This must be the business that Shaun Borders told John Eibach he had to attend to!”
Finally getting The Speed Demon to retreat to his corner, the official restarts his count on The KingPin, as Don Mega tends to his fallen partner on the outside.
“ONE!”
Mark Green: “As Grunge and Hot Rod make their way towards their corners to tag out, it’s Borders yanking Metalhead off the apron and throwing him to the ground!”
Thomas Strona: “Look out, dawg! Shaun Borders didn’t wait long to put his plans into action!”
Mark Green: “Look at Borders – yanking up Metalhead and whipping him into the railing and then ramming him into the ringpost! As instructed, it’s Lady Die now yanking the timekeeper out of his chair and bringing that chair to Shaun Borders-“
WHACK!
Mark Green: “…who wastes NO time in taking that chair to Metalhead! Grunge, meanwhile, seeing his partner get attacked like this, finds a second wind and heads to the outside-“
WHACK!
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg – only to get drilled in the skull with a chairshot, too!”
Mark Green: “As The KingPin makes his way back into the ring, just in time to see Hot Rod tag in The Speed Demon, I’ll tell you what’s going on, here! This is all about Borders still being bitter about Grunge’s upset victory over him in the N64 Invitational Tournament!”
Thomas Strona: “I think you’re right, dawg and to get to Grunge, he had to get through Metalhead!”
Mark Green: “Speaking of metal heads, it’s the mighty KingPin, who actually has a metal plate in his head, headbutting The Speed Demon before tagging in Don Mega!”
WHACK!
Thomas Strona: “AGAIN, it’s Borders drilling Grunge with what’s quickly becoming a mangled steel chair! Even Lady Die’s getting in the act – kicking and stepping on the fallen Metalhead, with those Stiletto heels she’s put on!”
Much to the applause of the capacity crowd, Bradley Waubash quickly makes his way down to ringside and opts to take Lady Die over his shoulder.
Mark Green: “It’s Bradley Waubash…and he’s got Lady Die over his shoulder, no doubt remembering the slap she gave him earlier this evening! Look at her kicking and screaming, as he takes her towards the back!”
Thomas Strona: “…And rightfully so! He has no business laying his hands on her!”
Mark Green: “Amazingly, despite her kicking and screaming, her abduction, if you will, has gone completely unnoticed, who once he got his hands on Grunge, cared less about what was happening to Metalhead or anybody else for that matter!”
Thomas Strona: “Look at Borders – strangling Grunge! Damn, dawg! Take it easy!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, with The KingPin hoisting The Speed Demon in the air, it’s Don Mega off the top with a flying bulldog! The official, who I certainly don’t envy in this match, sees Mega make the cover and drops down to the mat to make the count!”
“ONE!”
Thomas Strona: “Here comes Hot Rod, dawg!”
”TWO!”
Mark Green: “DUCKING a clothesline from The KingPin and breaking the count!”
Thomas Strona: “This match has gotten out of hand, dawg! With the official verbally admonishing Hot Rod and keeping him at bay, dawg, it’s The KingPin, bouncing off the ropes and delivering a big splash to the prone Speed Demon!”
Mark Green: “The more Hot Rod complains about KingPin’s presence, the more he’s just hurting his partner, as the official’s attention is directed solely on Hot Rod!”
Thomas Strona: “As The Made Men gloat in the ring, it’s Shaun Borders sliding Grunge’s knee inside that steel chair, only to stomp on said chair with all his might! Damn, dawg! Grunge doesn’t have to like that! Look at him wincing in pain!”
Mark Green: “Meanwhile, as The KingPin makes way to the outside, it’s The Don calling for The Hit and delivering just that, as he nails The Speed Demon with his face first powerbomb finisher! The official drops down to make the count!”
“ONE!”
Thomas Strona: “This should be it, dawg!”
“TWO!”
Mark Green: “NO! It’s Hot Rod breaking up the pin!”
Thomas Strona: “Just in time or we would have had new tag team champions, dawg!”
Mark Green: “Again, it’s the official on Hot Rod’s case, but this time it’s Hot Rod quick to retreat to the apron, feigning innocence!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but The KingPin’s not buying it! Look at him, in the ring – forcing the official to turn his attention to the bald headed behemoth, now trying to get HIM out of the ring!”
Mark Green: “Finally finding the opening he’s been looking for, it’s Hot Rod, grabbing hold of his trusted tire iron, once more and-“
WHACK!
Mark Green: “DOWN goes Don Mega after a shot to the head, knocking The Don out cold! Hot Rod quickly rolls The Speed Demon on top of him and charges The KingPin clotheslining the big man, taking the fall with the big man to the outside! Meanwhile, it’s the official with the count!”
”ONE!”
Thomas Strona: “Nobody’s going to break up this one, Green!”
“TWO!”
Mark Green: “Yeah, but can Mega kick out?”
“THREE!”
Mark Green: “NO! The official calls for the bell, this one is over! The Pitt Crew wins! The Pitt Crew wins!”
Another mixed reaction comes from the crowd, as the revving of racecars is heard once more, as Hot Rod pulls a groggy Speed Demon to the outside with him, handing him one half of the tag team titles, holding the other half high for all to see, much to the chagrin of The KingPin.
Gretchen Schwab: “Here are your winners of the match and NEW FEW Unified Tag Team Champions…Hot Rod and The Speed Demon…The Pitt Crew!”
Mark Green: “With The KingPin tending to his fallen partner, no doubt in the foulest of moods, it’s The Pitt Crew walking off with the gold! Meanwhile, officials finally get Borders away from Grunge, as it’s Metalhead tending to HIS fallen comrade!”
Thomas Strona: “Yeah, dawg, but unlike Mega, Grunge is going to need some medical attention!”
Mark Green: “Folks, I’m being told that cameras had caught up with Bradley Waubash in the back!”
Cameras cut to the back to show Bradley Waubash still carrying a kicking and screaming Bradley Waubash over his shoulder, as he comes across “The Naughty Nurse” Miss Treatment, who simply smiles at Die’s misfortune, pulls a loaded siringe out of her medical bag and stabs Die with it, putting an end to Die’s kicking and screaming, leaving Die seemingly lifeless.
Bradley Waubash: “Why thank you, Miss T!”
“The Naughy Nurse” Miss Treatment simply responds with a sinister grin.
Bradley Waubash: “Now, what to do…what to do…”
Bradley Waubash comes across The Big Top duo of The Bearded Lady and Goat Boy.
Bradley Waubash: “(As he lifts Lady Die off of his shoulder and hands her off to The Bearded Lady) Here you guys go. Have at her!”
Bradley Waubash: “(Looking back at a surprisingly shocked Miss Treatment) What? I’m sure it’s probably not the first time that a goat and a bearded transsexual have had their way with her!”
The scene switches to that of a long black stretch limousine pulling up outside a shady looking warehouse in downtown Hell.
“The Manmade Natural Disaster” Tantrum, “Excessive Force” Eric Vanguard and John Eibach exit the vehicle and Eibach quickly makes eye contact with the cameraman videotaping their arrival.
John Eibach: “(To the cameraman) Come now. I want to get this on tape!”
The cameraman nods, causing the viewing audience’s shot to bob up and down accordingly, as Eibach and company make their way into the dimly lit warehouse.
John Eibach: “Watch out for the-“
Before Eibach can finish, a loud snap followed by the agonizing scream of the cameraman is heard, as the camera apparently falls to the floor.
John Eibach: “(Sheepishly)…bear trap!”
As the agonizing screams continue, the camera is apparently picked up as the shot of the shady warehouse resumes.
John Eibach: “Damn it. I guess I’ll have to do this.”
The camera points in the direction of a greasy floor alongside staggered potted cactus plants.
John Eibach: “(Almost under his breath) Damn it! He missed the bear trap and the cactus slip and slide!”
The camera pans slowly across the room where two dog chains are seen connected to the wall, but with no dogs at the end of said chains.
John Eibach: “(Again, almost under his breath, but a tad louder this time, sounding a bit more frustrated) What the hell? What happened to the Dobermans?”
Suddenly, the familiar voice of “The Jester” Chad Allen chimes in.
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “What – you mean these cute little puppies?”
The camera quickly flashes across the room to show a beaten and bloodied “The Jester” Chad Allen crouched in the corner of a make-shift ring, petting two big ferocious Doberman dogs.
John Eibach: “But…how did you-“
”The Jester” Chad Allen: “Don’t ask me. Ask them for yourselves. (To the dogs) Get ‘em boys!”
As the sight of the Dobermans darting from the ring towards the camera is seen, the camera drops to the floor and the sounds of barking dogs and footsteps fleeing the scene are heard. Suddenly, the familiar black and white feed of The ANARCHcam picks up where the other camera left off, as the Dobermans are seen chasing Eibach, Tantrum and Vanguard into the night, with the maniacal laugh of ‘The Jester’ serving as a backdrop to the footage.
“The Jester” Chad Allen: “Anarchy rules!”
The feed goes from static to black on the FEW video wall, before a cheering crowd.
Jerry Lawson: “Well, it’s good to know that ‘The Jester’ Chad Allen is okay.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but now I can’t help but wonder if Eibach, Tantrum and Vangaurd will be okay!”
Jerry Lawson: “I bet you ‘The Better Man’ Shaun Borders is sure glad he didn’t go!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but I can’t help who will be worse for wear. Eibach, Tantrum and Vanguard or Lady Die, now that Waubash has left her unconscious body in the hands of The Bearded Lady and Goat Boy!”
Jerry Lawson: “The ONLY people I feel sorry for are Grunge and Metalhead. Shaun Borders was so bitter about losing to Grunge during the N64 Invitational Tournament that he cost Generation X their shot at regaining the FEW Unified Tag Team Titles! Getting screwed out of the gold is something that FREEK knows all too well!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I see how you’re trying to segway into our Main Event, but you can’t compare Generation X losing a shot at the FEW Unified Tag Team Titles to FREEK having the sports biggest prize stolen from him at the hands of Austin Walker and his father, The Reverend – a move that brilliant, if you ask me!”
Jerry Lawson: “It wasn’t brilliant. It was despicable! I would not want to be Austin Walker once FREEK gets his hands on him!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “The person that I would not want to be is Pablo Sanchez, Jr.! Unlike Austin and FREEK, who’ve had time to prepare to meet one another within the confines of a steel cell, Pablo was thrown into this match on the fly tonight and has had very little time to prepare for this match!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, Pablo has had a LITTLE time to prepare with his father, ‘El Presidente’, tonight, so that will help some. After that, young Pablo will have to depend on sheer will, perseverance and intestinal fortitude, but then again, when it’s all said and done, isn’t that what it takes to become a champion in the first place? Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our Main Event!”
The camera switches to a shot of Ring Announcer Gretchen Schwab, who is quick to pick up on her cue.
Gretchen Schwab: “The Following Main Event contest is a Hell In A Cell Triangle Match for the FEW Unified World Title!”
A spotlight shines on the ominous cell, designed to cover ALL THREE RINGS as it begins to descend from the lighting structure.
The lights in the arena go dark and are replaced by a dim red light as the howling of wolves is heard before segwaying into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color is heard echoing throughout the arena to a heel pop.
Gretchen Schwab: “Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by “The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule, he weighs in at 450 pounds and says it’s NOBODY’S DAMN BUSINESS where he hails from…representing the Original Cult Of Personality, he is FREEK!”
Jerry Lawson: “As ‘The Monster’ FREEK comes out to…well…a MONSTER reception from this capacity crowd, along with his best friend, Static Rule, you’ll notice that he’s coming out to the entrance music that the Original Cult Of Personality has become known for since Day One of FEW. Even back when the Original Cult Of Personality was just known as the Cult Of Personality, FREEK has come out to this music. It’s the same music that Austin Walker and The Reverend will be coming out to tonight. That’s because the Cult is a group divided. On the one hand you have FREEK and Static Rule. On the other hand you have the FEW Unified World Champion, Austin Walker, and the rest of the Cult, which is made up of The Reverend Walker, Hellbound, Naveed, ‘The Naughty Nun’ Sister Sin and most notably, FREEK’s younger brother, Mace Morgan!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “Mace Morgan finally has a chance to step out of FREEK’s shadow, with FREEK no longer a member of the group!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah, thanks to Austin Walker and The Reverend double-crossing FREEK to steal the FEW Unified World Championship away from him!”
Upon making their way to ringside, the music fades and the house lights return to normal.
FREEK: “(Shouting out to the crowd) FREEK OUT!”
Jerry Lawson: “As some of FREEK’s fans echo his infamous war cry, it’s FREEK now entering the cell, from it’s one and only entrance, nearest us, leaving Static Rule to reside on the outside.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Give credit to our hard working ring technicians, who are feverishly securing the cell up until go time, here, despite FREEK’s early entrance into the cell!”
Para Isla" by Myzery cues over the house speakers, the crowd roars with approval, as the video screen displays a flowing Mexico flag.
Gretchen Schwab: “Next, about to be accompanied to the ring by his father, ‘El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, Sr…weighing in at 188 pounds and hailing from Citidad Victoria, Mexico…Pablo Sanchez, Jr.!”
As Pablo emerges from behind the curtain, with his father walking slowly behind him, the video changes to show clips of Pablo's in-ring highlights, mixed in with photos of Pablo's life, ranging from when he was just a baby, up to recent pictures including one of his entire family gathered around the dinner table.
After taking a deep breath, Pablo jogs briskly down to the ring, slapping the hands of many fans, he makes his way all the way around the steel covered rings once, only to bypass the entrance to the cage, opting to climb up the wall of the cell instead.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Wait a second! Where does Pablo think he’s GOING?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “I guess Pablo’s decided to start the match ON TOP of the cell, rather than INSIDE it!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “WHAT – is he scared of FREEK?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “I, for one, don’t think so.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “But what if Austin opts to start off in the ring with FREEK? Pablo might not even be able to make it into the cage before the match ends, should the match end rather quickly!”
Jerry Lawson: “I guess that’ll all come down to what Austin Walker decides to do and as Pablo’s music fades, the time for that decision seems to be just a FEW moments away now!”
Again, the lights in the arena turn dark and a dim red light comes up in its place as the eerie howling of wolves once again segways into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color, bringing the crowd to a chorus of boos.
Gretchen Schwab: “…And finally, accompanied to the ring by his father, The Reverend Walker…weighing in at 298 pounds and hailing from Compton, California…representing the Original Cult Of Personality, he is the FEW Unified World Champion…Austin Walker!”
The jeers merely increase in volume, as The Reverend Walker emerges from the back, with his loaded bible in tow, leading the way for Austin Walker.
Jerry Lawson: “As Austin Walker emerges from the back, with his father, The Reverend Walker, leading the way, one can only wonder what Austin wants to do here!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Well, I think Austin would be better off climbing up the cell to fight Pablo, because there’s a monster just waiting to rip his head off INSIDE the cell!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah, but that does put Austin in the precarious position that Pablo would also be in, should Austin decide to climb on top of the cell. One false move and one could take quite the spill, off of the cage and onto the floor here!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That’s a good point. That could do much more than end a title reign, that could easily break some bones and could conceivably end someone’s life!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, as the music fades and the lights return to normal, it’s decision time for Austin Walker!”
Austin smugly hands the official the FEW Unified World Title from off his shoulder, prompting the official to hold it up for all to see.
Jerry Lawson: “That’s what it’s all about folks – the FEW Unified World Title!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Listen to FREEK – red in the face, DEMANDING that Austin step INTO the cell with HIM!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, never being one that takes well to demands, it seems as if FREEK may have just made Austin’s decision all the easier, as it’s Austin now – climbing up the cage!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Listen to these fans, Lawson! They’re eating this up!”
Jerry Lawson: “Less excited, more nervous is young Pablo’s father, ‘El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, Sr.! That’s a long fall from atop that three ring cell!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah. You get the feeling that this wasn’t ‘El Presidente’s idea to start the match atop of the cell!”
Jerry Lawson: “You’re probably right! None the less, here we go, as its Austin now – climbing up to the top of the cell. Both he and Pablo now – taking very ginger steps towards one another, as there’s no telling quite how sturdy the roof of the cell is!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at FREEK, restless…not sure whether to stay in the cell for now or venture outside!”
Jerry Lawson: “I can see the roof of that cell being able to support 188 pounds in Pablo Sanchez, Jr.. Supporting Pablo AND 298 pounds of Austin Walker is pushing it, but adding 450 pounds of FREEK into the equation might just be taking things a bit too far!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah…and I think FREEK perhaps realizes this, as he waits restlessly inside the cell for things to unfold!”
Jerry Lawson: “As both men carefully circle around atop of the cell, waiting for the opportune time to lock up, both men approach one another to lock up, but it’s Austin connecting with a boot to the gut! Quick to follow up is Austin with a forearm to Pablo’s back, before tucking Pablo’s head between his legs! OH, DON’T TELL ME HE”S GOING TO-“
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I THINK SO! LISTEN TO THIS CROWD, LAWSON! CAN YOU SAY POWERBOMB?”
Jerry Lawson: “Austin with the POWERBOMB-NO! It’s Pablo REVERSING it into a HURRACANRANA, dropping Austin hard onto the floor of the cell!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH MY GAWD, LAWSON! Is it just me or did the cell just sound like it was buckling?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “I was about to ask you the same thing. I don’t know. Either way, Pablo just dodged a bullet there. His father, ‘El Presidente’, can join the rest of us, in exhaling in relief-“
“Slick” Rick Jones: “At least for now.”
Jerry Lawson: “As Austin slowly gets back up to a vertical base, it’s Pablo with a kick-NO! Austin’s arm is just a tad bit longer, catching Pablo by the neck, lifting him up in the air above him!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Can you say PIMP BOMB?”
Jerry Lawson: “If he’d POWERBOMB him, I don’t doubt for a second that he’s nail Pablo with his old CHOKESLAM FINISH- WHAT THE?!?”
Suddenly, the cell, collapses, underneath Austin Walker causing Austin to lose his footing and fall back into the ring on top of one third of the cell’s roof into one of the two vacant rings, as an agile Pablo Sanchez, Jr. miraculously manages to grab hold to the wall of the cell, leaving him dangling from one of the corners of the cell.
The crowd expresses their amazement:
”HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Jerry Lawson: “MY GAWD! In a moment that can best be described by…well…these fans you hear here in Hell! FREEK was just lucky to avoid that third of the cell roof landing in the ring HE was in!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Not so lucky is poor Austin Walker, who landed back-first with only a ring laced with chain link to break his fall!”
Jerry Lawson: “Look at FREEK now licking his chops!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Wait a second! What’s Pablo doing?!?”
The crowd roars with approval, as Pablo manages to climb the wall of the cell he was dangling from and perch himself up from the corner of the cage.
“Slick’ Rick Jones: “You don’t think he’d actually-“
Jerry Lawson: “PABLO! DON’T! IT’S TOO RISKY!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I think ‘El Presidente’s pacemaker just exploded!”
Jerry Lawson: “PABLO off the top of the cell with a MOONSAULT!”
Pablo lands his Sanchez Sault perfectly, crushing Austin Walker upon landing.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “I DON”T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!”
Again, the fans express their amazement:
”HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Jerry Lawson: “Pablo’s never seen such arc in his Sanchez Sault, nor will he again, as it’s Pablo now, hooking the leg for the pin!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “From licking his chops to desperately looking to stop the count, it’s FREEK from the other ring, scrambling!”
The referee drops down to the chain link covered mat to make the count:
”ONE!”
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t think he’s going to make it!”
”TWO!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH NO!”
“THR-“
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK JUST DID break the pin, with a boot to the back of young Pablo Sanchez, Jr.!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That was CLOSE!”
Jerry Lawson: “After a boot to the back of young Pablo, it’s ‘The Monster’ picking up the young cruiserweight with ease and pressing him over his head…ONLY TO THROW HIM INTO THE WALL OF THE CELL LIKE A LAWN DART!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “DAMN! Not only did Pablo not miss that moonsault, but he also didn’t miss CRASHING into the wall of the cell!”
Jerry Lawson: “Pablo appears to be just the latest victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as would anybody else be, should they find themselves between FREEK and Austin Walker!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “There’s nothing between FREEK and Austin Walker NOW, as it’s ‘The Monster’ UNLOADING on Austin with an onslaught of boots and kicks to the World Champion!”
Jerry Lawson: “As FREEK peels Austin up off the mat, look at the chain link imprint on the back of Austin Walker! MY GAWD!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That could’ve easily been Pablo had the roof not prematurely given way!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s ‘The Monster’ now - showing his strength as he lifts nearly three hundred pounds of Austin Walker up…only to bodyslam him right back down onto that chain link covered mat!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at The Reverend looking on with concern, and with good reason! Poor Austin hasn’t gotten much offense in since the opening moments of this match. He’s been nothing but the recipient of punishment ever since the roof of the cell gave in!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK now setting Austin up for his powerbomb finisher he calls the FREEKbomb!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It’s guaranteed to be all the more punishing on that chain link covered mat!”
FREEK: “FREEK OUT!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK lets out his battle cry, which a FEW fans even mimic, BUT WAIT! It’s AUSTIN backbodydropping FREEK onto the chain link covered mat instead!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Now who’s FREEK-ing out?!”
Jerry Lawson: “As a stunned FREEK quickly gets to his feet, it’s Austin knocking him right back down to the mat with a clothesline! Back to his feet once more is FREEK, but again, it’s Austin knocking back down to the chain link covered mat with a clothesline! Finally, it’s FREEK rolling underneath the ropes and to the outside instead!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “How quickly the tide has turned in Austin’s favor!”
Jerry Lawson: “Austin has no time to celebrate as it’s Pablo Sanchez, Jr. off the turnbuckle, catching Austin by surprise with a flying dropkick off the top turnbuckle!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH NO! The Mexican Jumping Bean is at it again!”
Jerry Lawson: “Will you stop it?! With Austin staggered, it’s Pablo on the offensive, hammering away on Austin with a flurry of lefts and rights. With Austin in a daze, it’s Pablo with an Irish whip-NO! It’s Austin with the reversal, sending Pablo into the ropes instead! Off the ropes comes Pablo only to DUCK a vicious clothesline attempt by Austin! Instead, it’s Pablo leaping over the top rope with a plancha onto FREEK, just as ‘The Monster’ was finally getting to his feet!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Pablo’s lucky! There’s not much room outside the ring! He came very close to hitting the cage wall!”
Jerry Lawson: “Meanwhile, here comes Austin, slithering to the outside! Austin yanks Pablo off of ‘The Monster’ and then bashes the cruiserweight head first into the cage! With a clinched fist, it’s Austin now nailing FREEK in the head, before introducing FREEK head first into the cage as well! With a second wind of rage, it’s Austin now – raking FREEK’s face against the wall of the cage, as if it were a cheese grater! Following it up again with a FEW more stiff fists to the forehead, Austin has managed to bust FREEK’s forehead open!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Austin’s the one earning ‘The Monster’ nickname now!”
Jerry Lawson: “As the blood trickles down FREEK’s face, FREEK gets a taste of his own blood and smiles! Austin takes FREEK and slams him head first-NO! FREEK slams on the brakes and slams AUSTIN head first into the steel ring post instead!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “UH-OH!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK stays on the offensive, following up by ramming Austin head first into the cage wall, just as Austin had did to him and continuing to follow Austin’s earlier blue print, it’s FREEK now giving Austin the cheese grater tournament against the chain link wall of the cage!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH NO! Now AUSTIN’S bleeding, too!”
Jerry Lawson: “The hatred between these two runs deep! FREEK now – Irish whipping Austin from the side of the ring into the corner of the cell, back first!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at Austin, cringing in pain! You KNOW that had to hurt!”
Jerry Lawson: “Unfortunately for Austin, FREEK’s not done, as it’s FREEK pulled up the steel ring steps and charging at Austin, SANDWICHING Austin between the corner of the cage and those steel ring steps!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I think it’s safe to say that FREEK has taken back his “Monster” nickname!”
Jerry Lawson: “Throwing the steel ring steps down, its FREEK, taking Austin, who quite possibly has a pair of broken ribs to his name, as you see him coughing up blood and rolling him back into the ring!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Both FREEK and Austin now – tasting the hatred that runs through their veins for one another, whether they like it or not!”
Jerry Lawson: “As FREEK rolls into the ring after his prey, it’s FREEK stomping and kicking away on Austin’s chest, further injuring Austin’s ribs!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It’s as if FREEK’s not just satisfied BEATING Austin! It’s as if he wants to finish him off, once and for all!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK now – yanking Austin back up to a vertical base, only to Irish whip The Champion back-first into the corner! In comes a charging FREEK with a big splash, but somehow Austin moves out of the way and FREEK hit’s nothing but buckle!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “That was just mere instinct on Austin’s part!”
Jerry Lawson: “As FREEK stumbles out of the corner in a daze, it’s Pablo off the top turnbuckle with a flying dropkick, sending ‘The Monster’ staggering!”
“El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr: “(Cheering his son on from outside the cell) Thatta’ boy, mijo! Stick it to him!”
Jerry Lawson: “Pablo quickly scales his way right back to the top turnbuckle and comes flying at ‘The Monster’ with a cross body block, but ‘The Monster’ catches the cruiserweight in mid air!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “THAT can’t be good!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK now with a running powerslam, crushing Pablo onto the chain link covered mat with all four hundred fifty pounds of him! FREEK hooks the leg!”
The referee quickly drops down to the mat to make the count:
”ONE!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “OH NO!”
“TWO!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK’s going to win back the gold!”
“THR-“
Austin breaks the count with a kick to ‘The Monster’s head.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Not if Austin can help it!”
“The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule: “(Yelling at ‘El Presidente’ from the other side of the cage) Just because your son’s a cruiserweight, doesn’t mean that he’s not a big fat loser like his father!”
“El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr.: “If you have something to say, Senor, you can say it to my face!”
“The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule: “Very well.”
“The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule walks around the cage and gets right up in the face of “El Presidente” Pablo Sanchez, Sr.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It looks like we’re about to have some action OUTSIDE of the cell!”
WHACK!
Jerry Lawson: “Wait a second! The Reverend just nailed ‘El Presidente’ in the back with that loaded bible of his, but all that seemed to do was piss Pablo Sanchez, Sr. off!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Uh-oh!
Jerry Lawson: “El Presidente’ Pablo Sanchez, Sr., red in the face, turns around and wisely, The Reverend runs off, but before ‘El Presidente’ can even give chase, it’s Static spinning ‘El Presidente’ around and dropping him to the floor with a vicious clothesline!”
“The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule: “I wasn’t done talking to you…amigo!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s The Reverend now, joining Static Rule in stomping and kicking away on the fallen father of young Pablo Sanchez, Jr.!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Obviously they’ve put aside their differences to take care of a common enemy!”
Seeming content with the beating, Static Rule turns to The Reverend Walker.
“The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule: “Come on! Let’s do this!”
Jerry Lawson: “Wait a second! What does Static mean by THAT?!?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I don’t know, but there they go, climbing up the wall of the cage together where the roof is open!”
Jerry Lawson: “Something smells fishy about all this!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Meanwhile, it’s Austin stomping and kicking away on the fallen FREEK with what little The Champion has got to have left in his tank! That’s the heart of a champion, right there, Lawson!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well both The Champion and Pablo look like they’re about to be joined by some unwelcome house guests, as it’s The Reverend and Static, climbing over the top of the cage and making their way down!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “For a stable divided, The Reverend and Static Rule sure seem to be on the same page together!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah, but who’s side are they on? Has Static aligned himself with The Reverend and Austin Walker?!? You don’t think he’d turn on FREEK, do you?!?”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “It’s possible, Lawson! Don’t forget that FREEK’s very own brother, Mace, stayed with The Reverend after The Reverend and Austin turned on FREEK!”
Jerry Lawson: “As Static hops down into the ring, it’s Static stomping and kicking away on the fallen cruiserweight, beating away on him, just like he did to his father just a FEW moments ago!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “The apple doesn’t get beat down far from the tree, does it?!”
Jerry Lawson: “Static now picks up the small cruiserweight and just as quickly drops him down to the mat with Static’s Shonen Knife powerbomb finisher! Meanwhile, Austin just spotted his father, The Reverend!”
Reverend Walker: “(As Austin turns his attention from FREEK to his father) Don’t worry son. Daddy’s here!”
A devilish grin comes over the face of Austin Walker, as he turns his attention back to the fallen FREEK, only for The Reverend to jump on Austin’s back.
Reverend Walker: “(Clawing away at Austin’s face) I’m sorry son, but this is what you call tough love!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “What is The Reverend doing?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “He’s turned on his very own son!”
Reverend Walker: “Believe me son, this is hurting ME a lot more than it’s hurting YOU!”
Jerry Lawson: “It’s Austin now, relentlessly trying to fight off The Reverend, finally walking backwards into the corner, driving The Reverend back first into the corner, shaking him free!”
Austin Walker: “NOW it’s going to hurt you more, you conniving son of a bitch!”
Jerry Lawson: “Austin now – grabbing The Reverend by the neck, but LOOK OUT! It’s FREEK from behind, spinning Austin around and picking him up in a bear hug, adding further pressure to those already injured ribs of his!”
Cameras zoom in on Austin, grimacing in pain, as he desperately tries to escape.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “How much longer can Austin hang on?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK takes Austin from a bearhug to a running powerslam!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “MAN! We’re talking four hundred fifty pounds onto those injured ribs, driving Austin back first into that chain link covered mat!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK’s not finished with him just yet!”
FREEK once again lets out his war cry:
FREEK: “FREEK OUT!”
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK sets Austin up for a powerbomb-“
“Slick” Rick Jones: “More than a powerbomb, Lawson – a FREEKbomb!”
As if on cue, FREEK falls with Austin driving Austin into the mat with extra force for added impact.
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK with the cover!”
The Referee drops down to the mat to make the count:
“ONE!”
Jerry Lawson: “Look at The Reverend counting along!”
“TWO!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Pablo Sanchez, Jr. gets up, only for Static Rule to kick him right back down to the mat!”
“THREE!”
The referee calls for the bell, much to the delight of FREEK, Static Rule and The Reverend.
Gretchen Schwab: “Here is your winner of the match and NEW FEW Unified World Champion…FREEK!”
Reverend Walker joins “The Master of the New Millennium” Static Rule in raising FREEK’s arms in triumph as the eerie howling of wolves segways into “Cult Of Personality” by Living Color once more.
Jerry Lawson: “It’s hard to feel TOO sorry for Austin being double crossed here, seeing as how that’s how Austin became Champion to begin with, by doublecrossing FREEK, but poor Pablo! He gets thrown into the match of a lifetime and this is what happens!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I don’t know who’s going to take it worse. Pablo, Jr. or his father! Look at him, Lawson! He’s livid!”
Jerry Lawson: “Well, as the official opens the cage, another official hands him The FEW Unified World Title belt, only for The Reverend to yank it out of his hands and proudly present it to the new Champion, FREEK! As ‘El Presidente’ storms the cage, officials are desperately trying to separate ‘El Presidente’ from the trio of reunited Cult members!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Easier said than done!”
Jerry Lawson: “Finally deciding to focus on his fallen son, ‘El Presidente’ opts to tend to Pablo instead, as FREEK and company continue their celebration in another of the three rings, at the insistence of the officials!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at Austin Walker! He’s definitely in need of medical care!”
Jerry Lawson: “Good luck with that one! He’s too proud a man not to leave on his own power!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Fine, but he’s going to need to leave on his own power to the nearest hospital, because he’s obviously got some internal bleeding and possibly broken ribs!”
Suddenly The Cult’s music comes to an unexpected halt.
Jerry Lawson: “What the-?!?”
All the lights in the arena suddenly go out. For a momnet, only the hoots and hollers of the crowd can be heard. Then, an ominous voiceover begins to play over the P.A. system, and various familiar Halloween images, graveyards, jack ‘o’ lanterns, flash on the FEW video wall.
Voice: "Halloween...is a very special night...a night where demons and monsters rule...a night where nightmares...become reality."
The voices pauses and an eerie silence befalls the entire crowd. Then, as the voice continues, the words he speaks flash across the FEW Video Wall.
Voice: "Tonight...Jeremy Morgan..."
Cameras cut to a shot of FREEK, looking around, illuminated only by the flashing bulbs in the audience. He looks to Static Rule and The Reverend, questioning what is happening.
Voice: "Your nightmare...
There is a long pause, and the camera shows FREEK, staring intently up the ramp at the big screen.
Voice: “…RETURNS!"
A small pop emerges from the crowd, as a dim blue light slowly fills the arena. Cameras show FREEK standing in the ring, looking confused. He looks to his partners, and he can be heard faintly yelling, “What is going on?!?”, when suddenly the intro to "American Bad Ass" by Kid Rock, starts to play over the P.A.
"YEAH! And I've set up and tore down this stage with my own two hands..."
The big screen shows a time lapse video of the FEW ring being set up, and taken down.
"We've traveled this land packed tight in mini vans..."
The FEW Video Wall shows a sped up video of a busy freeway, the headlights and taillights streaming up and down each side.
"And all this for the fans, girls, money, and fame"
The FEW Video Wall plays fast sweep clips of various crowds, a few rapid stills of some very lovely female FEW fans, and a still shot of the FEW Unified World Heavyweight Championship.
"I played thier game, and had them scream my name, I will show no shame, I live and die for this."
The FEW Video Wall shows a still shot of Jack Davis, followed by another series of crowd sweeps, into a still of an empty FEW ring.
"and if I come off soft, then chew on THIS!"
The FEW Video Wall shows a middle finger graphic, before fading to black as the song pauses.
The crowd begins to build into a murmur as camera shows a rather irate FREEK, standing motionless in one of the three rings, his eyes locked firmly on the top of the ramp.
"Are you scared?"
The lights flicker on and off as the music pauses again. The crowd is really starting to buzz, as Cameras show FREEK and his Cult partners in the ring. FREEK stomps and motions towards the ramp.
FREEK: "COME ON THEN!"
Nothing happens for several seconds. The crowds buzz begins to fade, just then, the song kicks back on and pyro shoots off with the beat. The bright white explosions pop just a hair out of time, blinding the view of The FEW Video Wall for a moment.
"Devil without a cause, and I'm back..."
The song continues to play as the camera and your eyes readjust and on the big screen, only the words KAGE appears.
Jerry Lawson: “OH MY GAWD! It’s KAGE!”
The crowd erupts into cheers, as cameras cut to FREEK and his Cult partners frozen in shock.
Cameras cut back to the top of the ramp, where Kage is now making his way down to ringside. He has a noticeable limp in his slow walk. The crowd is absolutely deafening as Kage reaches ringside. He paces around the ring, stopping to get a house mic from Gretchen Schwab. He stops, taking a deep breath before opening the door and walking into the Cell.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “You see Kage limping?!? I hope he knows what he’s doing!”
Once he reaches the ring steps, Kage stops and looks around to the crowd. A rather uneasy look is on his face, as he looks about, a far cry from the normal look of determination and rage he sported so often in the past. Kage slowly climbs the steps, locking eyes with FREEK. Kage clims the steps and into the ring. He walks up to FREEK, their eyes locked in a stare down, as the chanting of fans is heard:
“KAGE! KAGE! KAGE! KAGE!”
The crowd continues to chant Kage's name, as he and FREEK stare at each other as if they are the only two people in the arena. Kage takes a couple steps back, and lifts the mic.
Kage : "Do you…have ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH?!?"
Kage's face flushes red, and his familiar scowl of anger suddenly returns in a moment.
The crowd erupts again, breaking into a spontaneous chant of “RATLLE HIM KAGE!"
Kage: "You sick pathetic excuse for a man! Do you have even the slightest idea of what your sorry ass has put me through since you first crawled out from whatever rock you call home and came here to the FEW? DO YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!?"
Jerry Lawson: “Wow! Kage's eyes could burn a hole through FREEK right now. but FREEK just stands there, a smug grin on his face."
FREEK: "WHAT MAKES YOU-“
Kage: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
The crowd roars in approval, as FREEK looks genuinely annoyed.
Kage: "Since the first day you walked in here, you've made my life hell! Every time I finally got the shot that that asshole Davis kept screwing me out of, who comes along to ruin it? FREEK! Every time…and why? WHY? I'll tell you why! Because the big bad MONSTER, knew it then, and I can see it in your eyes now, that he couldn't beat me."
The crowd again erupts in cheers as FREEK begins to loose his cool in the ring.
FREEK: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU THINK I'M AFRAID OF YOU?!? LOOK AT YOURSELF, KAGE! YOU’RE A SHELL OF WHAT YOU USED TO BE! DID YOU FORGET WHAT I DID TO YOU THE LAST TIME YOU HAD THE BALLS TO ACT THIS WAY? I ENDED YOUR CAREER THE LAST TIME YOU GOT IN MY WAY, YOU SORRY BASTARD…AND IF YOU KEEP PUSHING ME, THIS TIME I'LL END YOUR LIFE!!"
Kage: "Push you? I haven't pushed you yet FREEK. You think I haven't been thinking about this? You think I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night screaming from the nightmares I have because of what you did to me? You think my wife and my daughter didn't try to stop me from getting on that plane and coming here, tonight, after what happened last time? Two Weeks, FREEK! TWO FUCKING WEEKS I laid in a hospital bed unconscious! When I finally woke up, do you know what the first thing I heard was? The sound of my daughter, CRYING! Saying she wants daddy to wake back up! DO you know what's that's like? Do you?!? You know what else you fucking psychopath? This hip?"
Kage points to his right hip.
Kage: "It's all stainless steel now - thanks to you! But, that's not the icing on the cake. No. That's the fact that no matter what, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want it to happen, I'll never, NEVER be allowed to come back into a ring, and kick your sorry ass, no matter how bad every single person in this arena, or backstage, or at home wants to see me do it!"
The crowd again roars with approval.
FREEK: "THEN WHATS YOUR POINT?"
Kage stops and looks around the arena. An eerie silence fails over it, awaiting Kage's response. Kage hangs his head down, and takes a deep breath.
Kage: " I just…want you…to know…what it was LIKE!"
Kage suddenly rushes forward and spears FREEK to the mat, the crowd erupts into cheers, Kage begins to pound the mic into FREEK’S skull, causing a feedback echo.
Kage pounds mercilessly on FREEK's head until The Reverend and Static Rule pull him off, but as they do, it's obvious something isn't right.
Jerry Lawson: "I think Kage just snapped!"
“Slick” Rick Jones: "He has to be crazy! Doesn't he remember last time?"
Jerry Lawson: "I think he IS - crazy! Look at his eyes! Kage has lost it and I think the Cult is about to find out the hard way!"
As The Reverend and Static pull Kage up, Kage suddenly fires a punch at The Reverend, hitting him flush in the face, causing him to reel back across the ring, as blood immediately begins to pour down his face.
“Slick” Rick Jones: "I think he just shattered his nose with that punch! Look at the blood pouring!"
Kage Snaps his head back to Static Rule, who looks positively stunned, and indeed Kage's eyes appear slightly glazed over, like he has indeed lost total control.
Jerry Lawson: "Static better get the hell out there! Kage is out of control and he's not here to prove a point, he's here to hurt people!"
Static hesitates a moment too long before Kage fires another punch, hitting Static right in the throat. Static reels backwards, dropping to one knee, and is obviously gasping for air. Kage stalks over to Static, who looks up at Kage, one hand held up, begging for mercy, the other clutching his throat, but Kage rears back with his leg and delivers a kick right to the chin of Static, the impact makes an almost sickening snapping sound and Static falls backwards and looks to be knocked out cold. FREEK begins to get to his feet, blood coming down his face. His head even more busted wide open than it had been before, thanks to the repeated microphone shots. Kage moves towards FREEK, driving his foot into ‘The Monster’s chest, knocking him backwards, where he stumbles into the ropes, and winds up getting tied up in them as a result!
Jerry Lawson: "FREEK is caught in the ropes! Kage is out of his mind! Someone get down here and help or he's going to kill him!"
Kage turns away from FREEK and back to The Reverend who is still reeling from the punch that broke his nose. Kage reaches out and grabs The Reverend around the throat. The Reverend hammers on Kage's arm with repeated blows but Kage's grip doesn't loosen at all. Then in one swift motion, Kage suddenly lifts The Reverend overhead, in a military press, setting crowd on fire with cheers. Kage holds The Reverend over his head before running towards the ropes and tossing The Reverend towards the cell wall.
CLANG!
“Slick” Rick Jones: "OH MY GAWD! DID WE JUST SEE THAT?!?"
As The Reverend hits the cell wall, the section collapses, causing The Reverend to fall outside on the hard concrete floor. The Reverend rolls around on the outside of the ring, screaming bloody murder.
Kage, then, picks up a piece of chain off the mat floor. He walks over to FREEK, who is trying to get out of the ropes, and for the first time, FREEK actually looks scared. Kage wraps his hand in the chain, and cocks his hand back.
Kage: "PAYBACK IS A BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!"
Kage swings his arms and lands a wicked punch to the center of FREEK's chest. FREEK can be seen gasping for air, as Kage unwinds the chain, then picks the mic back up in his left hand. He then takes the chain and wraps it around FREEKs throat, Kage twists his arm, causing the chain to tighten around FREEK's neck. FREEK's eyes begin blinking and look to be rolling back in his head, as Kage leans in close to FREEK.
Kage: "You feel that? HUH, FREEK? That light headed, almost passing out, feeling? That's what I felt like right before your FREEKBOMBED me on the bare concrete floor! But you know what? You still have NO IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH!"
Kage unties FREEK's arms, and drags him like a dog on a leash over to Static Rule who still looks to be knocked out cold.
Kage: "See that FREEK? That's your best friend! He's out cold! And you know what? Who knows when he'll wake up? But you know what FREEK? You still have NO IDEA WHAT YOU PUT MY FRIENDS THROUGH!"
Kage rears back and slams another punch into the face of FREEK, with the impact appearing to have broken FRREK's nose, as blood begins to pour from it. Kage then drags FREEK over to the ropes, forcing him to look out onto the floor where The Reverend is lying on the ground, clutching his knee, and stll screaming in pain.
Kage: "You see that JEREMY? That's The Reverend Walker. He may not be Austin’s father, but he’s practically been YOURS!"
Kage pauses to strike FREEK with the microphone again.
Kage: "I think his leg is pretty messed up! He's probably going to need surgery. But you know what? YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU PUT MY FAMILY THROUGH!"
Kage lifts FREEK to his feet, his hand still keeping the chain tight around his neck. Kage releases his grasp on the chain, just as he kicks FREEK in the mid section, doubling him over. Kage Hooks FREEK into a front face lock, and tosses FREEK’S arm over his head.
Jerry Lawson: "No way! He's going to hurt himself more than he’s hurt FREEK if he does what he's thinking! Damn it, Kage! You made you point! Don't do this to yourself again!"
Kage looks around to the crowd, who are absolutely going crazy. Suddenly, a familiar confident smirk crosses Kage's face. Kage then lifts FREEK into a vertical suplex holding him overhead as flashbulbs flood the arena, before shifting his weight and bringing FREEK crashing down to the mat.
Jerry Lawson: "KAGE RATTLER! KAGE RATTLER! He just planted the monster with the Kage Rattler!"
Kage pops to his feet and rips his shirt off, despite his apparent time in the hospital, Kage still looks to be in better shape than most professional bodybuilders. Kage stands in the ring, and slowly reaches into his back pocket. He pulls out a piece of paper. He kneels down next to FREEK.
Kage: "One last thing, Jeremy. That thing, about me not being able to wrestle again?"
Kage lays the paper down on FREEK's chest, slapping on it with authority, causing FREEK clutch his chest, and as a result, the paper.
Kage: "I guess I kinda’ lied."
Kage drops the mic and walks over to the turnbuckle. Kage climbs the buckle and poses for the crowd, who are completely cheering off the chart at this point. The camera turns and zooms in on the paper, not much can be read, but at the bottom, one sentence can be clearly read:
I hereby proclaim Kage, medically sound and fit to return to active wrestling. Signed, Dr. Nicholas Erret.
Jerry Lawson: “You see that, ‘Slick’? KAGE is BACK!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Yeah, but he’s not out of the woods yet! Here come the rest of the O.C.O.P.!”
Cameras show “The Naughty Nurse” Sister Sin, El Diablo, “Psycho” Steve Simmons, Maudite and an unleashed Naveed heading for the ring.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Conspicuous by his absence is FREEK’s brother, Mace!”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah, but I don’t think Kage cares! Look at him, exiting the cage, meeting them head-on at the end of the aisle, hitting anything that moves!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “He just hit Sister Sin!”
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t think Kage cares – especially given the choice of nailing her before she could nail him with that Iron Cross she’s got with her!”
”Slick” Rick Jones: “As the New Cruiserweight Champion, El Diablo tends to the fallen Sister Sin, it’s Kage now – being triple teamed by Naveed and Hellbound!”
Jerry Lawson: “…And things are about to go from bad to worse! Here comes Mace Morgan!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Wait a second! Mace just grabbed Naveed by the chain hooked up to his neck and now he’s choking him with it! What’s he doing?!?”
Jerry Lawson: “I don’t know, but his presence has given Kage just the opening he needed, as it’s Kage now - BASHING the heads of ‘Psycho’ Steve Simmons and Maudite into one another! Kage drills Maudite with a boot to the gut, only to nail HIM with a Kage Rattler on the concrete floor!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look out for ‘Psycho’ Steve, snapping out of his daze and now strangling Kage around the neck with his bare hands!”
Jerry Lawson: “He’s PSYCHO all right, but wait! It’s Kage with an elbow to the gut of the ‘Psycho’ one, followed by a boot to the midsection…and stop me if you’ve heard this already…but KAGE RATTLER! KAGE RATTLER! Simmons is down!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “With Hellbound down and Mace having choked the life out of Naveed, somebody better account for El Diablo! He’s reaching into his tights, no doubt preparing to nail somebody with a fireball!”
WHACK!
Jerry Lawson: “Not if Mace can nail him first! Mace just drilled Diablo in the head with the chain he unhooked from Naveed’s collar!”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Not only that but part of that chain caught Sister Sin, too! She’s ALSO out for the count!”
Jerry Lawson: “That just leaves Kage and Mace Morgan.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Look at the cautious, untrusting stare down between Kage and Mace Morgan!”
Kage: “You tell your brother that I haven’t BEGUN to unleash the fury inside me!”
Mace Morgan: “I think you’ve already told him. Besides, I’m not my brother’s keeper.”
Mace walks past Kage and makes his way into the cell.
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Now what’s Mace doing?”
Jerry Lawson: “He seems to be helping Static Rule up.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “I don’t get him.”
Jerry Lawson: “Yeah but only to drive him right back down to the mat with that belly to belly suplex finisher of his! Purgatory, he calls it.”
“Slick” Rick Jones: “Mace looks down at his fallen brother and spits on him before bending down to pick up Kage’s doctor release, handing it to his brother, ‘The Monster’, FREEK on his way out of the cage.
“American Bad Ass” is re-cued, as Kage raises his arms triumphantly for the cheering crowd, as a live in-ring video feed is shown on The FEW Video Wall behind Kage of FREEK looking at the doctor’s release and then looking back at Kage with contempt.
Jerry Lawson: “FREEK may have regained the FEW Unified World Title tonight, but he won’t have to look far to find a challenger, as he begins his second reign on top!”
Kage is seen making the belt gesture at his waist with his hands, as he points a stern finger at Kage.
Jerry Lawson: “For ‘Slick’ Rick Jones, Big Rob Tucker, Jim ‘The Mouth’ McCoy, Thomas Strona, Mark Green and Gabriel ‘Lowdown’ Lopez, I’m Jerry Lawson, wishing you so long from Hell, Michigan! Happy Halloween everybody!”
A parting shot of the staredown between Kage at the entrance ramp and a fallen FREEK inside the cell covered ring is shown, as the scene fades to black.
